“I don’t believe you really sold those people.” Zoelyn began and shook her head at him in frustration. “And I don’t understand why you said all of those things in the Great Hall. Do you not realize how much they hate you now?”
“I hope they do.” Shade mumbled and rubbed the back of his neck with his free hand. For a moment she could see his complete misery, but he hid it quickly. “I don’t have long to explain. I’d rather not be here when Neph and Jala are finished speaking. I don’t want to run into either of them right now.” Shade said as he glanced back toward the Great Hall and sighed once more. “When I killed Grace, I killed the last female pure Blood Changeling. I damned my entire race to extinction with that single attack and my life is as good as over now. There are only three pure blood changelings left now, my father, my Uncle and myself. The only way a pure Changeling can be born now is if one of us chooses to live as a female and mates with one of the remaining two males. That will never happen. There is too much hatred between us to allow it. So we are damned to extinction because of me. Neither my father nor my Uncle will ever forgive that, and the rest of the world will want me dead for Matricide. I don’t regret saving Grim, but I am not talented enough with my Changeling powers to evade my kin. I have too many habits that will give me away if I try to hide. The only way I can protect my friends is to make them my enemies. If Myth thinks I still have close ties with any of them he will use them as bait to lure me out. You have to keep Grim from looking for me. Find some way to force him to focus on Syrah. Let him hear every rumor of what is said about me in Delvay and don’t correct it. Let me be remembered as a traitor please.”
“He won’t believe it any more than I did, Shade.” Zoelyn protested. She could feel tears burning behind her eyes and knew it wouldn’t be long before she lost her control and was sobbing like a child. “They would have helped you fight, Shade. You didn’t have to choose this path.”
“I thought my mother hated me my entire life.” Shade mused quietly and the sad smile returned as he spoke. “It wasn’t until I was desperately thinking of ways to preserve my friends that I realized every time she pushed me away or ignored my scraped knees she was protecting me the best way she could. She made everyone believe she despised me so Myth wouldn’t use me against her. I understand why she drank so much now too. I could use a drink myself.” He chuckled bitterly and let out a harsh breath. “It’s funny how it all makes sense when it is too late to do anything about it.” He fell silent for a moment and shook his head once before continuing. “I don’t even know where Myth is, and after watching Grace fight I know how talented she was with her Changeling powers. If she feared him enough to shun her own child, I should be terrified. To allow my friends to help me now would be condemning them to share my fate, and I won’t do it. I will save Charm, and then I will deal with Myth. Once I am taken care of he shouldn’t bother with anyone here beyond his pursuit of this stupid war. It won’t be personal once I’m gone. I know how he is with personal grievances and I’d rather no one else face that.” He tilted his head upwards as he spoke and cleared his throat huskily before looking back down at her. “Good-bye Zoey, and good luck. I hope you get things sorted out with Seth, or Dray, or whatever makes you happy. You should find happiness soon. You never know when Fate is going to spit in your face.” He whispered then pulled his hand free of hers and turned toward the gate once more. “It’s nice to know at least one person in this damn city can see my worth, but your groveling isn’t enough to keep me here so save it for someone stupider than me.” He snarled as he stormed from the city toward his waiting Spell Hawk.
“And everyone says you are a terrible liar. My how you have them all fooled.” Zoelyn whispered as she turned back toward the great hall. The knots in her stomach were gone replaced by a strange hollow feeling and a tight throat. She knew Shade believed he was doing what was best, but she didn’t see any way this could end well. He was facing a point in his life where he needed his friends more than anything else, and he had chosen to face it alone. “The Aspects keep you well Shade Morcaillo. I will pray for you nightly.” She promised in the same hushed voice and kept her steps slow enough to give herself time to force back the worst of her grief before she entered the hall. It was better if no one realized she had even seen Shade’s speech let alone spoken with him.
Dray would be the only one she would have to explain anything to that way, and she wasn’t even sure what she could say to him. Shade had sacrificed everything in his life for his friends, and now he was sacrificing his life as well, and somehow she was supposed to keep that knowledge buried in her own heart while she listened to everyone around her scorn him. It was the kind of secret that would sit like a lead weight in her mind, and she had no idea how she was going to deal with it, especially when Shade died because of her silence.
*
“Are you paying attention to me at all, Zoey?” Neph snapped and Zoelyn turned away from her window to gaze at her brother in confusion. Her attention had been so focused on the outer city that she hadn’t even heard him speak.