“Take it up with Buzzfeed. Anyway, I like your hair. Gives me something to grab onto.”
He freezes for a beat, and I almost stumble, but he gathers me tighter and keeps us moving. My cheeks flame as I realize how that might have sounded.
“I don’t mean—”
I can’t finish my sentence because Pat pulls me tighter, making the air leave my chest in a quick burst. His mouth dips close, and I feel his hot breath on my ear.
“I know what you want from me, Lindy. But so help me, I’m going to convince you I can give you so much more. By the time my work is done, you will know it’s okay for you to want things, to hope. And when you get them, they aren’t always going to disappear on you. I won’t disappear.”
With that, he’s suddenly spinning me out, his grip firm as he spins me back, dipping me low. There’s more cheering, hooting and hollering. The room disappears. It’s only me and Pat, as his face lowers to mine, our noses brushing.
I am terrified. But I also trust him.
His eyes are two burning chocolate coals, their heat searing through me. My body lights up, flushed with desire. Blood and bad ideas rush to my head.
Pat’s gaze drops to my lips and my heart goes haywire.
Kiss me, I think. But I can’t bring myself to say it. I’m not that brave. And he’s right—I’m not used to asking for what I really want, or wanting anything at all.
Pat’s eyes meet mine again and his expression is determined, like I am a challenge, a prize he won’t rest until he claims.
When he presses a swift kiss to the corner of my mouth and pulls me upright, it’s all I can do not to drag him to me and claim his lips with mine.
Walking through the lobby of Mama’s facility, I’m greeted with congratulations from the nurses. Word doesn’t stay quiet long in Sheet Cake. I guess I shouldn’t have expected to fly under the radar, even with a quick courthouse wedding.
“We’ve left a wedding gift for you in your Mama’s room,” Neve says, giving my arm a squeeze. “We all chipped in.”
“You didn’t need to do that. Really.”
Her smile is broad and kind, almost enough to bring back the tears I thought I exhausted on the drive from the diner. I asked Val and Winnie to watch Jo and keep Pat busy so I could slip away to see Mama.
“Nonsense,” Neve says. “We’re all so pleased. You deserve some happy in your life. And that is one fine hunk of man.”
I can’t argue there.
“Speaking of a hunk of man.” Neve heaves a sigh and chases down the hall after a man dressed only in an argyle sweater vest and tighty-whities. Which, in this case, are more like gray baggy-saggies. I look away, but not before the sight burns an unwanted image onto my brain.
“Happy wedding day to me,” I mutter, pushing open Mama’s door. “Mama?”
She’s in her favorite spot, the comfy chair by the window where she can watch the birds. Only then do I remember I promised to refill the feeders this week. With everything going on, I forgot.
An apology is on my lips, but I realize it’s wholly unnecessary. Not only are the bird feeders full, several more have been added. Two stick to the window with suction cups, and three more hang from the oak outside the window. It’s like a bird version of the dog party at the end of Go, Dog, Go, one of Jo’s first favorite books. The birds are going to town, flitting and fighting and singing. A total bird party.
Mom beams at me, the smile so worn and familiar that it makes my stomach swoop. I kiss her soft cheek and sit down in the chair next to her. The birds on the window feeders scatter momentarily, then come right back.
“It’s Lindy, Mama.”
She waves a hand. Her nails are painted candy-apple red. “I know my own daughter, silly. It’s fall break—I’ve been expecting you.”
Okay, so it’s my college years. I find that it’s best if I play along. When I try to convince Mama of reality, it only agitates her, which in turn depresses me. If I just exist in her world, whatever that is for the day, we can have pleasant conversations. I can almost pretend things are fine.
It was the right decision not to have her at the wedding. But I was aware of her absence like a throbbing bruise. I can only imagine how today felt for Pat, not having his mom there. I turn her ring on my finger, feeling unworthy of wearing it.
I turn to the window. “Wow, Mama! You’ve expanded the aviary.”
Since Mama got interested in birds, Jo and I have added feeders slowly, and the home put in a nice bird bath in view. We’ve taken to calling it the aviary, though now it truly looks like one.
“Isn’t it lovely? The nice new gardener I hired put them in.”
What she likely means is the maintenance guy, Kevin. This is a few steps up from his normal duties. Maybe I have Lynn Louise to thank. We’re already getting special treatment with Mama’s discounted rate. This is a lovely facility, far out of my price range, and not like the ones constantly being written up in horrifying news articles. If Jo and I ever left Sheet Cake, we’d have to either leave Mama behind, or move her to somewhere with a much lower level of care. I’m not sure I could live with myself either way.
“He also brought me those,” Mama says, pointing to a big bouquet of daisies on the dresser. Her favorite flowers.
“They’re beautiful.”
“He brings new ones every few days,” Mama says. “Anyway. Enough about me! Catch me up on school. Any new boys to tell me about?”
If she only knew.
Well, Mama, I married a man I used to love and still maybe might love just a tiny huge amount, all so I could keep custody of Rachel’s kid. Oh, right—and Rachel had a kid, then ran off and left her with us, and then you came here, and I had to take care of her, and now Rachel wants her back.
Which brings us back to the start: I got married today.
“Aw, sweetie. Come here. Don’t cry.”
I’m crying?