I stifled a small stab of resentment at sharing my doughnuts as I placed all of them—except for the chocolate caramel cheesecake one, which I kept in the bag—on a serving plate, which I placed in the middle of the table. “Would you like me to make you some tea?” I asked.
As if she could see my legs shaking in anticipation, she shook her head. “Just water, dear. From the tap is fine.”
I managed to sit down and offer Mother the tongs first, and lamented only the loss of a plain glazed doughnut as she put it on her plate. I placed a choco-nana nut doughnut on my plate before putting a forkful into my mouth. I chewed slowly, my eyes on the clock as I gauged how much time I had before Nola would descend and catch me.
“Aren’t these the best?” I asked after swallowing my bite with a mouthful of cream-filled coffee.
“You didn’t answer my question, Mellie. Remember, despite missing out on a lot of years together, I’m still your mother.”
My next bite stuck in my throat. I’d been a stepmother and mother for only a short time, yet I always seemed to feel the pull of a gossamer thread that connected me to my three children—a connection that went from my heart to theirs. Always joyous and sometimes painful, it was certainly more accurate and more attuned than any other sixth sense.
“I’m sure I don’t know—”
“Mellie,” she said with the same tone of voice I used on JJ when he tried to ride General Lee like a horse.
I put my fork down. “Louisa helped me have a bit of an epiphany in the garden the other night.” I took a deep breath, waiting for her to interrupt. Preparing my defense. When she didn’t interrupt, I pressed on. “Jack’s strength is figuring out puzzles and writing about them. My strength is being able to talk to dead people. There’s no reason why we can’t work together—but separately—to solve our problems. Even Jack would agree that we’re a pretty formidable team when we both use our assets to figure things out.”
I waited for my mother to speak, my appetite for doughnuts miraculously evaporating. Momentarily, anyway.
“Good for you, Mellie.”
I’d already opened my mouth to defend myself but ended up stuttering something unintelligible instead. After several tries, I managed, “What?”
“The meek and groveling Mellie isn’t the real you. She’s an impostor whose existence was necessary for a while as you grappled with what happened and tried to figure out how to deal with the fallout.”
I stared at her. Then blinked. Twice. “Who are you and what have you done to my mother?”
She reached across the table and placed her hand on mine. “I owe you an apology. We all do. Just because you approach problems differently from the way we might doesn’t make you wrong. Certainly, sometimes you act before you think, but your motivation is never to cause harm. You love strongly and fiercely, and your independent streak should be admired.”
I squeezed her hand. “Are you dying?”
She jerked back with surprise. “Hopefully not for a long time. Why would you ask?”
“Then why are you saying all this?”
“Because I miss the Mellie you are. My warrior daughter who has had to fight for everything in her life and managed to become a strong, determined, and successful woman, not to mention an incredible mother.”
She sat back in her chair. “Most important, you have a forgiving heart. You forgave your father and me for the incredible pain we inflicted on you in your childhood and have even opened your life to include us and share your children with us.” My mother regarded me. “Mellie, you weren’t made to tiptoe through life. I’m glad you’re working on a plan to see your way out of the situation you are in right now. I’d probably feel better if you talked it out with someone—and you know I’m always available—but I’m not going to tell you what to do. You’re a smart woman. I trust you to do the right thing.”
I warmed under her gaze. “And if Jack doesn’t agree with my methods?”
“Then he’s not half the man I’ve always thought him to be.” She paused. “And not the type of husband you need—one who sees what he perceives as flaws but loves you anyway.”
I smiled weakly. “Jack said that once. He may have called them quirks, but I think that’s what he meant.”
Mother squeezed my hand. “Well, then, that’s a good sign.”
A Valkyrie-like shriek sounded from upstairs, startling my mother. “What was that?”
“That’s new. It’s the sound JJ makes when he wakes up and finds Whisk on the floor. Sometimes Louisa puts it back in his crib, but she must have been busy doing something else.”
“Then I’d better go reunite him with Whisk.” She grinned. “I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised that one of your children has a kitchen utensil as a comfort item.”
“And another one who can see dead people,” I added.
We both stood, and my mother wrapped me in a tight embrace. Despite her petite frame, she gave fierce bear hugs. They were some of the happier memories of my childhood. I closed my eyes, reveling in the sanctuary I’d rediscovered within my mother’s arms. And feeling confident that what I’d decided to do was the right thing because it came with my mother’s support and understanding.
“Mellie?”
“Um?”
“Can you just promise me one thing?”
I nodded, my eyes still closed.
“Whatever it is that you’re planning, please think it through. And for heaven’s sake, stay out of cemeteries.”
* * *
? ? ?
The crisp morning air signaled another beautifully clear and moderate Charleston winter day. I decided to walk to Washington Square for my meeting with Suzy Dorf, the exercise my olive branch to Jayne for skipping our morning run. And in reparation for bringing a doughnut.