She winked. “Wine makes me hungry. I’d eat a brick right now.”
“You pretty much are.”
Aspyn laughed. “Tonight will forever be remembered as the bizarre night that Kiki got her period and Troy Serrano baked me paleo cookies.”
“What is this fuckery, right?” Feeling hungry myself, I reached for one of the smaller cookies and took a bite. They didn’t taste half as bad as I remembered. “So…” I asked. “Have you told Jasmine you’ve had to spend time with me?”
Aspyn nodded. “She thought the whole thing was as weird as I did.”
“Does she still hate me? I mean, I know she friended me on Facebook, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t still hate me on some level.”
“Actually, no. She doesn’t. She’s moved on.”
I winked. “Unlike some people.”
“I thought we were supposed to be getting along tonight.”
“We are. I’m teasing.”
She smiled from behind her wine glass. Whatever I was doing, it was working. I felt Aspyn slowly warming to me. So, I took further advantage.
“Confession time…” I announced.
She narrowed her eyes. “Depends.”
“Depends…isn’t that what I bought earlier tonight instead of maxi pads?”
Aspyn snorted. “Close.” She wiped her eyes. “Okay, what’s your confession?”
“It’s actually a question for both of us.” I paused. “What was the worst name you ever called me behind my back in high school?”
She sighed. “God, there were so many. I’d have to think about it. Why don’t you go first. What was the worst thing you ever called me?”
“CPB.”
“CPB? What does that stand for?”
“Crazy psycho bitch.”
She chuckled. “I knew about Psycho but hadn’t heard that particular take on it.”
“That was your main nickname.”
Aspyn rolled her eyes. “Lovely.”
I took another bite of my cookie. “Your names for me are so bad you can’t even decide which one is worst. Either that, or you don’t want to say them because they’re so wrong...”
“I don’t remember them all, really…”
I popped the last piece of cookie into my mouth. “Because you called me every name in the book.”
“I do remember one.”
My brow lifted. “And?”
“Whoreannosaurus.”
I spit out my wine. “Oh my God, like Tyrannosaurus, but a whore.”
“I’m sorry. You asked.”
“No. It’s all good. It was fitting for me, I suppose. I deserved it.”
Her tone softened. “Knowing what I know now about your mom…it explains a lot.”
I took another sip of wine and nodded. “There’s no doubt I acted out because of my anger toward her. That’s no excuse, though. Things only got worse after I actually met her. In some ways, it was easier when she basically didn’t exist.”
“You have every right to feel hurt about what she did.”
“Maybe, but sometimes I feel like I should just let it go. She’s dead, for Christ’s sake.”
“We don’t always get to choose what we hang on to.”
I pinned her with a look. “Like your hatred for me.”
“That wasn’t what I was referring to.”
“I know. I understand what you’re saying.” I exhaled. “Not having a mother shaped my entire life. It shaped my perception of myself…my perception of women.”
Aspyn tilted her head. “In what ways?”
“Well, I guess her not wanting me made me feel…unlovable. At the same time, it’s why I don’t look at relationships with women as permanent. Like, ‘don’t you dare get attached to someone who will leave like your mother did, Troy.’ It’s messed-up shit.”
She stared at me for a few seconds. “But you must know on some level that not all women leave.”
“Yeah, but it’s hard to trust that, I guess.” I shook my head. “I’m sorry, I must sound like such a pussy.” I sighed. “First the cookies, now this.”
“No. You don’t. I’m liking this conversation. It’s honest and showing me a side of you I never knew existed.”
“Don’t encourage me. I might keep you up all night unloading my screwed-up shit. Or start crying or something.” I raised my forehead. “Wait—would that earn me a trust point?”
“Don’t push your luck.” She smiled. “Seriously, though, I don’t mind listening. It’s good to talk it out.”
I looked up at the sky. “I don’t know, Aspyn. I also worry that maybe I’m more like my mother than I want. Part of why it’s so important to get you to trust me is to confirm whether it’s safe to trust myself. I don’t want to be the type of person who flies through life hurting people.”
She nodded. “It’s amazing how much our parents shape us, whether they’re around or not.”
“Your upbringing was pretty normal though, right? You mentioned your parents are still together and everything.”
She downed the last of her drink. “My dad…”
“What about him?”
“My parents are still together, but my father hasn’t been faithful to my mother. He’s strayed more than once.”
“Your mom continues to stay with him, even though he’s cheated?”
“Yeah.” She frowned. “I think after Ashlyn died, she couldn’t bear to break the family apart any more. So she’s put up with a lot. But the issues with my father started years before that.”
A lightbulb went on. “Might that have anything to do with why you went ballistic on me after I cheated on Jasmine?”
Aspyn rested the tip of her finger at the corner of her mouth and pondered my question. “I never really thought about that… But yeah, that very well could have had something to do with why I reacted so intensely.”
“It’s interesting that we can look back now on our behavior as kids and see the deeper meaning behind certain things.” I lifted the bottle. “You want some more?”
Aspyn held up her palm. “I’d better not.”
“You’re so disciplined.”
“I’m picky about what I put in my body, yeah.”
“I’m not gonna touch that one.” Of course, my dirty mind had to go there.
She blushed.
“Speaking of which…find anything good on the dating app lately?” I asked.
Aspyn rolled her eyes. “Nice segue.”
“I thought so.”
“No, actually. I’m taking a break from it after Brian.”
“Brian would be enough to scare me off it for a while, too.”
“What about you? Any good ass for you on there lately?”
Sadly, the only ass I’d been thinking about was Aspyn’s, but I wouldn’t confess that tonight.
“I haven’t actually matched with anyone since you picked me.”
“Oh, yeah…I picked you.”
“Accidentally or intentionally, it happened. Still not quite sure how someone drops a phone and swipes right at the same time. But whatever.” I winked. “I guess you have mad skills.”
Her face turned red again.
“You okay?” I asked. “You seem flustered.”
“I’m fine.” She attempted to take another sip of her wine, forgetting that her glass was empty.
I held up the bottle again. “Will you please let me pour you the last of this?”
She conceded, sliding her glass over to me.
I watched her sip as she gazed up at the dark night sky. We finally seemed to be getting comfortable, but I didn’t want to overstay my welcome. Especially since tonight had been a lot.
Turning to her, I forced the words out. “I probably should go…”