"Thank you."
She averted her eyes and blinked several times, but it did no good. Twin tears, one as fat as the other, slipped over her lower lids and rolled down her cheeks.
"Are you in pain, Marcie?" Chase asked, bending closer. "Did that bastard hurt you?"
"No," she gulped. "You got there just in time."
"He's behind bars." He thought it best not to inform her of Gladys Harrison's murder.
"Don't waste your tears on him."
"That's not why I'm crying." Her lower lip began to tremble. She clamped her teeth over it in an attempt to prevent that.
After a moment or two she said, "I know how you feel about having another baby, Chase. I didn't mean to trick you. I swear I
didn't. It's true, I should have been more honest about the house, but I didn't lie to you about contraceptives.
"I started taking birth control pills as soon as we agreed to get married, but I guess they hadn't had time to take effect. It had only been a couple of days. It happened on our wedding night."
"But I used something, too."
"It must have broken."
"Oh."
"That happens sometimes. Or so I've been told."
"Yeah, I've heard that too."
"Has it ever happened to you before?"
"No."
"Do you think I'm lying about it?"
"No. I, uh, I was pretty potent that night when I, you know…"
She swung her eyes up to his. "It must have happened then."
"Hmm."
"I'm sorry, Chase." Her lip began to tremble again.
"It wasn't your fault."
"No, I mean about the baby. About making you feel trapped. I know that's how you feel.
You think I bound you to me first with money, now with a baby you said you never wanted."
She licked the collecting tears from the corners of her mouth.
"You should have told me you were pregnant,
Marcie."
"I couldn't."
"You've never lacked the courage to tell me anything else."
"I've never felt so vulnerable before. I found out while you were in Houston. That's why I had no appetite and lost so much weight.
That's why I wouldn't take the pill you tried to give me. I knew then and should have told you, but you were so angry about the house.
And then that mess with Harrison came up."
She clutched the border of the sheet. "I
want you to know that I won't bind you. You're free to go, Chase. I won't hold you to any bargains if you want out of the marriage."
"Are you trying to get rid of me?"
"Of course not."
"Then be quiet. I want to tell you how much
I love you." He smiled at her blank, incredulous expression, then lowered his face to hers and sipped the tears off her cheeks. "I love you, Marcie. Swear to God, I do. He blessed me with you."
"I thought you didn't believe in Him anymore."
"I always believed. I was just mad at Him."
"Chase," she sighed. "You mean this?"
"From the bottom of my heart."
Her fingers roamed over his face, his hair, his lips. "I have loved you since I can remember.
Since we were kids."
"I know," he said softly. "I realize that now.
I'm not as smart as you. It takes me a while to grasp these things. For instance, I still haven't figured out why you didn't tell me about the baby. I could have helped you through this nightmare."
"Could you?"
"Couldn't I?"
"Remember that night I took you home to your apartment, then came back and you were eating chili?
We got into an argument when I
told you to snap out of your bereavement, that it was self-destructive. You said, 'When you've lost the person you love, when you've
lost a child, then you'll be at liberty to talk to me about falling apart.'
"I didn't realize until I was at risk of losing you how immobilizing heartache can be, how one does fall apart. I internalized my agony just as you had done then, Chase. I fully understand now how you must have felt following
Tanya's death. It's almost self-preservation, isn't it, the way we draw into ourselves when we think no one cares?"
"We won't have that problem anymore."
A radiant smile broke through her tears.
"No. We won't."
He kissed her, deeply but tenderly, and wondered why, until now, he'd never recognized the special taste of her kiss as being love. He knew he'd never get enough of it.
"Maybe you were wise not to tell me about the baby, Marcie," he whispered. "I don't think I was prepared to hear about it until today."
"But now that you know, it's all right?"
"All right?" His splayed hand was large enough to cover the entire area between her pelvic bones. "I love the idea of us making a baby. Hurry up and get well so the three of us can go home."
"Home?"
"Home."