“Thanks. I’m not trying to be an asshole—”
“You just don’t handle giving up control well.”
“Understatement of the century,” Hadley muttered.
Calder moved forward into the circle of people. “Cut your brother some slack, Hads.”
“He doesn’t need to be cut some slack. He needs to be more careful.”
“Okay,” Hayes said, holding up his good hand. “I’m fine. Let’s dial it back a notch.” He turned to Ruiz, Young, and Williams. “Hit the road. I’d like a brief every hour or so with any developments.”
Young gave him a mock salute. “You got it.” They headed through the cabin and towards their vehicles.
Hayes looked at the rest of us. “I need to get cleaned up, but it looks to me like we’ve got a feast to eat. Ev, you want to heat up our Mexican food?”
I forced a smile. “Mexican food and pizza. Can’t think of a better combination.”
Hayes’ arms wrapped around my waist from behind. “Leave the rest of the dishes. We can finish them tomorrow.”
“I just want to get it done tonight so it’s not hanging over my head. But you should go to bed. You’re probably exhausted.” I certainly was. It was the kind of tired that seeped into your bones. Not one from lack of sleep but from being worn down.
“I’m not going to bed without you.” He pulled back my hair so he could trail kisses along my neck.
I ducked out of his hold, moving to put two plates on a drying rack. “You can wait up if you want, but I’ll be a while. I need to look over some plans before our new arrivals get here this weekend.”
Hayes spun me around. “Talk to me. Don’t shut me out or blow me off—or whatever else you have in your head that you think will help push me away.”
“I’m not pushing you away.”
“Bullshit. You might as well have been a robot tonight.”
I’d thought I’d done a pretty good job of holding it together during our makeshift dinner party. Smiling and laughing when appropriate. Making polite conversation. But, apparently, that hadn’t been the case.
I gripped the counter behind me. The edge of the wood bit into my palms, but the little flicker of pain kept me grounded. “I’d never be able to forgive myself if something happened to you because of me. My family has already cost yours so much.”
“Enough with that already. How many times do we have to go over that the burden of that isn’t on you?”
“It might not be my fault, but that doesn’t mean I don’t still carry it with me. That I’m not marked by it. You can’t just erase it all, Hayes.”
He moved in close, the heat of his body pouring into mine. “I wish I could.” He placed a finger between my brows, that spot that always wrinkled when I was stressed or worried. “I wish I could take away every last bit of pain you experience. I’d give anything.”
“But you can’t. And you can’t ask me to pretend it doesn’t exist.”
Hayes wrapped his arms around me, pulling me against him. “I know. I just wish you wouldn’t carry everyone else’s actions on your shoulders.”
“If this was Allen or Ian—”
“We don’t know that it was. This could be some sick stranger neither of us knows.”
“Or it could be my uncle or brother.”
He pressed his lips to my hair. “It wouldn’t change a thing about how I feel about you. You aren’t them. Just like you aren’t your father or uncle or mother. You’re Ev. And you make everyone’s lives better. It’s impossible not to fall in love with you.”
My heartbeat sped up, seeming to trip over itself as it did.
“I love you, Ev. You don’t have to say anything right now, but I need you to know that. And nothing your family does will ever change that.”
My vision tunneled as my breaths came faster. He’d sent us careening over a cliff there was no coming back from. And even though I felt the words, I couldn’t give them voice. Instead, I gave him me.
My mouth crashed down on Hayes’ with a ferocity I barely recognized. His response was immediate, taking as good as he gave, meeting my tongue stroke for stroke. He lifted me in one smooth movement.
“Hayes, your arm.”
“Don’t give a fuck about my arm right now.” His head came down, taking my mouth again. I was too lost in the kiss to argue. We fumbled down the hall, bumping into walls until we finally made it to my bedroom.
My hands were already tugging his shirt over his head, as his went to the button on his jeans. I moved to my shorts and tee, not waiting for his fingers to be free. But he caught me before I moved to my bra. “Wait.” His thumbs circled my nipples through the sheer lace. “I love this on you. Just give me a minute to cement this in my memory.”
“How about I give you something else to remember?” I gripped his shaft, gliding my hand, teasing and stroking.
His breath hitched as he slipped a hand under my hair to tip my head back. Hayes nipped and licked his way down the column of my throat, down my chest until he locked on to my nipple through the thin lace and sucked hard.
My body moved of its own volition, arching into him as I let out a moan.
“Like that?”
“I don’t hate it.”
He chuckled against my breast, and the vibrations twisted everything inside me tighter. As if there were a rope made out of my nerve endings, and he was the master weaving it all together.
Hayes unhooked my bra and let it fall to the floor. His fingers moved to the lace straps at my hips, tugging them slowly down my legs. The cord inside me turned again.
“So damn beautiful. Covered in lace or my tee, it doesn’t matter. You take my breath away.”
I wanted to give him those three little words. Each one clawed at my throat to get out. Yet I couldn’t set them free. Instead, I gave him something else. “I’m on the pill.”
His eyes met mine. “I’ve been checked. You sure?”
I nodded, swallowing hard. “I trust you.”
He understood in that moment what I was giving him. When so many people had let me down, I was trusting that he would never lie to or hurt me.
Hayes laid me back on the bed, his movements almost reverent. He worshiped my body with his fingers, his lips, his tongue. And when he slipped inside me, it was with a whispered, “I love you.”
He moved with a rhythm that said he was in no hurry. Yet it made me burn for him even more as I lifted my hips to meet his thrusts. Hayes didn’t need those three words to tell me what was in his heart. He showed me with every action. And as I came apart with him, I said the words silently, knowing they would always be true. Even if I never had the courage to say them out loud.
39
Hayes
“How’s the arm feeling?” Calder asked before he took a sip of his coffee.
“It’s fine.” It was a little sore after last night’s festivities, but a little pain was more than worth it. Being with Ev last night had been different. Almost reverent, somehow. Even if she hadn’t said the words I so desperately wanted to hear from her, I’d felt them.
“No leads yet?”