“What do you know about his past?”
The ancient Chthonian shrugged nonchalantly. “You were his brother. You should know.”
“Don’t play with me, Sav. Not in the mood.”
He glanced over at Ash. “I truly don’t know more than a handful of details.”
“Such as?”
With a heavy sigh, he stretched out on the board and raked a hand through his hair. “You know I was the Chthonian for Atlantis so I only know what happened there. Not anything else.”
Sav was lying his ass off, but Ash wouldn’t call him on it right now. “And?”
“I know what you do … that Styxx led his army to Atlantean shores and kicked the utter shit out of them. So much so that their gods were forced to make a pact with Apollo in order to stop Styxx and his army while the Atlanteans still had a country to call their own.”
Ash frowned at that. “It wasn’t the gods who made the pact, though. It was the Greek kings. They offered to give Apollo my sister.”
He turned his head on the board to give him an are-you-stupid stare. “Not exactly.”
Ash hated whenever Savitar used those words. It was never a good thing. “What do you mean?”
“It was never your sister Apollo wanted. Not really. While she was attractive, Styxx had the same unearthly beauty and sexual allure, courtesy of Epithymia”—she’d been the Atlantean goddess of desire who’d touched Acheron at birth and cursed him to be pursued by anyone who looked at him—“that you did. And Apollo was enamored with Styxx from the moment he first saw him … like you and Artemis. The Atlantean gods had to get Styxx off their shores before he overthrew them. And Apollo wanted Styxx back in Greece as much as the Atlantean gods did. But they all knew the Didymos king would never agree to publicly give his heir up to be Apollo’s mister-ess. So Apollo used Ryssa as a ruse to get to and control Styxx.”
Sadly, that explained so much about their childhood and past.
And it made Ash’s stomach burn with guilt and pain. “Since you were the Atlantean Chthonian, do you know about the other time Styxx came to Atlantis?”
Savitar gave him a blank, cold stare. “Your brother was in Atlantis four times in his lifetime.”
Ash gaped. No, it wasn’t possible.… “Four?”
Savitar nodded. “The first was as a boy to free you from your uncle. Estes caught him and took him into custody.”
“And you didn’t stop it?”
“Didn’t know about that one when it happened.”
How could he not? “What do you mean?”
His gaze tormented, Savitar used both hands to rub at his forehead as if he had a throbbing headache. “Because she was so afraid of anyone learning where you were, your mother had my powers shielded when you were young so that I couldn’t see you or your twin. I didn’t know he’d tried to free you until I yanked him out of his coma in New York.”
“What made you look, then?”
“I saw the word ‘whore’ in ancient Greek and the Atlantean ‘tsoulus’ along with your uncle’s slave mark branded into his groin. I foolishly wanted to know how he’d gotten them. Let that be a lesson about looking into an abyss. It sucked me in and bitch-slapped me with a reality I wish to the gods I’d never seen.”
Ash closed his eyes as pain slammed into him so hard, he could barely think straight. “Please … tell me you’re lying.”
“You know better. That was why Styxx assaulted Atlantis like he had a grudge match against them. He did. Your uncle had kept him and sold him, just like he did you. He even pierced Styxx’s tongue … as did Apollo. He wanted to burn the whole continent to the ground not only for himself, but for you, too.”
Ash’s breath left him in a bitter wave of sympathy. “Since you looked, how did my uncle capture him?”
“Do not ask questions you do not want the answers to.”
But Ash didn’t listen. He was desperate for answers. “I want to know.” He needed to know.
Savitar cut a harsh look toward him. “You should know already, Acheron. You were there when it happened.”
“Bullshit!” Ash paused as he tried to remember, but he had no details. It was total darkness. “Show me.”
Savitar shook his head. “There are some memories no one needs.”
Still, Ash didn’t listen. “Artemis punished Styxx with my memories. She forced him to live my life and instead of it making him forgive me, it’s fueled his hatred to an all-time high, and I want to know why. Please, Savitar. I need to see how he got taken.”
“And I refuse to show you,” he said harshly … in a bitter tone he’d never used with Ash before. “Suffice it to say, he would have gotten away had you not dragged your feet and called out to your uncle to tell him where you were. You could have voluntarily escaped with Styxx but were too afraid to try. Worse, while Estes held him, you laughed and gloated over what they did to Styxx. Constantly. You threw it in his face the whole time he was in Atlantis with you. You even held him down while he was branded.”
No …
No! Ash panted as that unbelievable reality slapped him. He choked on denial. “I didn’t do that.”
“Yes, you did.”
Ash shook his head. “I’m not that kind of person, Savitar. I’m not. I would never do that to another person. Especially not my brother.”
“Every man, woman, and child is capable of extreme and utter prejudice and cruelty when they feel justified in their hatred. Right or wrong. Even against their own brother. We are all capable of lashing out when we’re in pain. No one, not even you or I, is immune from that. As the old saying goes, be kind to everyone you meet for we are all fighting difficult battles. And yes, you thought it was funny to have the beloved prince heir branded a whore and a slave and sold just as you were. In your defense, you were young, drugged, and lost in your own hell.”
“That’s no excuse.” Ash blinked back his tears as he choked hard on guilt he wanted to continue to deny.
“No, it’s not an excuse. It’s just harsh, biting reality.” Savitar let out a bitter laugh. “Ever wonder why the gods created man, Grom? I personally think that we’re the original reality show. They were so effing bored that they created us just so that they could feel better about themselves.”
“You’re not funny.”
Savitar sighed. “No. Tragedy never is. Our lives are marked and shaped by our regrets. Things we all want to take back and can’t. In a perfect world, we would never hurt the ones we love or cause hurt to befall them. But the world isn’t perfect, and sadly neither are we.”
Still, Ash couldn’t forgive himself for the way he’d treated Styxx all these centuries. “I’m almost afraid to ask about Styxx’s second visit.”
“You were there for that one, too.”
“When they threw me out…” And after he’d purposefully baited and mocked Styxx.
No wonder his brother hated him. Urian was right. He’d earned it.
And he owed Urian an apology.
More than that, he owed one to his brother.
But how could he ever make it up to either of them? He was so disappointed in himself. This was not the person he thought he was. The person he wanted to be.
Savitar sat up and drew a ragged breath. “Acheron, look at me.”
Heartsick, he did.
“Never look back. You can’t change what you’ve done. You can only change what you’re going to do. Pain is always all around us. It’s easy to become blind to it. But imagine all the times in your life when you were hurting and going through shit, if just one person had looked over at you and instead of kicking you while you were down, had said, ‘It’s okay. You’re not a bad person. It’s just a bad turn of the cards. You’ll get through it.’ Can you imagine what an incredible world this would be?”
October 12, 2012
“Now there’s a sight I never thought I’d live to see.”
Urian opened his eyes to find Cassandra standing over him with an amused smile.