Oh no. Not another visit from Lieutenant Ellingham. Please, God! Please let me have at least until tomorrow to recover!
‘Sir Philip!’ She exclaimed, ecstatic with joy, and I had to congratulate God on his ingenuity in giving me what I wanted and still managing to fill the rest of my day with privations to try the soul. ‘He and Ella are in the drawing room[31] right now! I’ve already sent all the others up to their rooms, of course! The two lovebirds must under no circumstances be disturbed.’
‘Certainly,’ I said mechanically. ‘That would be disastrous. After all, it might delay his marriage proposal for another two days or so.’
‘Exactly! That’s exactly my point! So you wouldn’t mind going up to your room now, too, and leaving them undisturbed? For your little sister’s sake?’
‘I’d do anything for my sister,’ I replied, completely truthfully.
‘Good! I have to go now to prepare some snacks in case he stays longer. Be off with you!’
And she hurried into the kitchen.
I sighed. Well, at least I hadn’t been obliged to lie to my aunt again. I would do anything for Ella. Including what I was about to do.
Twirling my parasol like a master swordsman swinging his weapon before a battle, I marched up to the drawing room door and thrust it open.
En Garde,[32] Sir Philip!
Ambrosian Waste Disposal Squad
‘Ah, Sir Philip!’
Both of them looked around as they heard the voice of the unexpected intruder - sweet little me. When Ella realized who it was, I saw startled relief on her face. When Wilkins realized who it was, I saw startled startledness on his face. I marched over to the thin young man with the big ears and more or less shoved my hand into his face, so he was obliged to press a kiss on it.
‘Oh, err… Miss Linton?’
I nodded graciously, and then let him have it.
‘Sir Philip, I’m so delighted to meet you again! I can’t say how happy I am to be able to thank you in person for that wonderful ball you gave the other night! The ballroom looked so beautiful, all those exotic potted plants, and the little table with the exquisite snacks! There was even solid chocolate! Did I tell you that I only had solid chocolate once before? It is one of my favourite things! As I was saying, it was simply wonderful - and I mean the ball, not the chocolate, although that was pretty nice too. Such wonderful decorations, and delightful music, and such incredibly mindless baboons for guests, and the chandeliers glittered so pretty, I thought I might faint!’
Sir Philip stared at me nonplussed. He was probably still trying to figure out how to fit the 'mindless baboons' into the long line of compliments. I wasn’t going to give him enough time for that, though.
‘And the music - It was simply so enchanting! But I already said that, didn’t I? Dear me, my memory sometimes isn’t the best one. You know, Sir Philip, I was particularly impressed with the architecture of your beautiful house. I have always had a passion for architecture,’ I lied smoothly. ‘Can you tell me who was responsible for such a monument to the modern science of building?’
‘I believe a man called Bartley did the main design, Miss…’
‘How wonderful! How interesting. How old is he? Has he designed any other buildings? Where does he live? Does he have any children? Did he design his own home? How long did it take him to build yours? It is so large and majestic, it must have taken him at least five years. I was so impressed by it.’
‘I… can see that.’
Looking at me strangely, Sir Philip edged away from the window where he had been standing, towards the only empty seat beside Ella on the sofa. Maybe he was thinking about protecting her from her seemingly deranged sister. Maybe he was thinking she could protect him. But I wasn’t having any of that! Quickly, I slid into the seat beside Ella before he could, and smiled up at him.
‘You must tell me all about him. Please, I have a ravenous desire for knowledge. Please oblige me.’
A peer of the British Empire couldn’t just ignore a plea from a lady, could he?
~~*~~*
Approximately three hours later, I, Ella and Sir Philip left the drawing room, the latter with a slightly dazed look on his face. My aunt was just coming down from my uncle’s room, looking disgruntled. In all probability, she had just been refused money to buy sweetmeats for Sir Philip, after having discovered that we had no ingredients for proper snacks in the house.
Her face lit up instantly when she saw caught sight of the three of us standing in the hallway.
‘Oh, my dear Sir Philip,’ she trilled. ‘Are you leaving already? I’m so sorry for that. I was just getting something ready…’
‘Do not make the effort, Madam, I beg of you,’ he cut her off - and he actually sounded as if he were begging. ‘As you have noted, I am just about to leave. It has been a charming evening. Thank you so much for your hospitality. And thank you, Miss Ella, for your time.’
‘It was my pleasure,’ mumbled Ella.
‘And, um… thank you, Miss Lillian, for that… um… very interesting talk.’
‘It was my pleasure,’ I said with a smile. So what if it was slightly sadistic?
While Wilkins hurried away to snatch his hat and overcoat off the hanger, my aunt sidled up to me. ‘And? Were you near enough to the door to hear something?’ she asked in a low voice, not aware that I had been in the room the entire time. ‘What was the topic of conversation?’
‘Height, beauty and proportions, mainly, I think,’ I said.
My aunt’s eyes flicked to Ella, going up and down her figure proudly. ‘Oh! That is good, very good indeed! And what feature did he find particularly appealing? Her eyes? Her form?’
‘I think the chandeliers and windows were what he found most beautiful.’
‘Chandeliers? Lilly, what are you talking…?’
Quickly, she cut off as Sir Philip returned to us and performed another bow.
‘I take my leave of you, Madam. But I hope soon to return for a tête-à-tête with your beautiful niece.’
That remark wiped all annoyance from my aunt’s face and plastered it on mine instead. Darn it! I would have thought my three-hour intensive treatment might be enough to put him off. Apparently not. It wouldn’t be enough for Ella to have annoying relatives to chase him away. He would have to discover that she herself was deficient in some major way…
Doubtfully, I glanced at Ella’s beautiful face and demure demeanour. That was going to take some work.
When the door had closed behind him, my aunt clapped her hands, my comment about chandeliers long forgotten.
‘Girls!’ She exclaimed. ‘We have him! Ella, this man will be your husband as sure as grass is green and the sky is blue!’
Ella paled and grasped the wall to support herself. My aunt noticed neither.
‘When it rains, the sky is grey,’ I pointed out. ‘And when it’s hot in the summer, grass can grow brown.’
‘Oh, don't be a stick-in-the-mud, Lilly! The two of them will get their happy end, I’m sure of it! Just as will you and Lieutenant Ellingham. Did I tell you that he’s going to come around for a visit, too?’
‘What?’ I turned to face her, horror written all over my face.
Of course, my aunt didn’t take the trouble to read it. Or maybe she was an emotional illiterate.
‘Yes, yes. Isn’t it exciting?’ She threw her arms up into the air. ‘My two favourite nieces, married in one go!’
I started to object to this, wanting to point out that firstly, I wasn’t married yet, not even engaged, and secondly, I had never been her favourite niece, but she rushed off before I could say anything, probably to make some preparations for the arrival of Lieutenant Ellingham.
I didn’t know what she did.
I didn’t really care.