‘All you told me,’ I said, shaking my head, ‘is well and good, but it doesn't change the facts. Even if he hasn’t wanted to marry any of the other girls before, he does want to marry Ella. He told my aunt so.’
Captain Carter’s eyebrows went up so high they almost vanished into his curly brown locks.
‘Really? What exactly did he say?’
‘Something about needing his own little sunshine in his home…’
I broke off, because he had started laughing. He was almost bent double, and people were starting to stare.
‘Captain Carter!’ I hissed.
‘I-I’m sorry,’ he chortled. ‘It’s just… his own little sunshine… that’s so… you know…’ Slowly, he brought himself under control again - but there was still a broad grin on his face. ‘He told me about that, too, you know. That he wanted sunshine in his home.’
‘You see? I told you he wants t-’
‘He’ll build the place on the south side of his manor house, I think. Where the sunshine is most abundant. Though he might have problems, since the ground drops off rather suddenly there.’
I blinked. ‘W-what?’
‘He’s planning to build a winter garden,’ Captain Carter told me gently. ‘He’s always been heartbroken that all his lovely flowers die during the winter, and, well, he’s just hit on this idea…’
‘A… winter… garden…?’
‘Yes. You know, one of those places with big windows where plants can grow all year round? They are very much the fashion at the moment. People are building them as house-extensions all over London, and even beginning to decorate them with tables and chairs, and have their tea parties there, I’ve been told. Though, personally, I prefer to take my tea beside a crackling fire in the har-’
‘Shut up!’
‘Yes, Miss. Of course, Miss.’
‘I’m going to kill him.’ Slowly, I turned towards Sir Philip, who was still whirling across the dance floor, my sister in his arms, a ridiculous grin on his ridiculous face. ‘I’m going to drag him into a dark alley and strangle him to death!’
‘I thought I had convinced you not to do that.’
‘I’ve changed my mind. I’m not even going to bother with an alley! I’m going to murder him, right here, right now.’
Captain Carter cleared his throat. ‘I’m not sure that is such a good idea.’
I whirled on him, for the moment forgetting about Sir blasted Phillip. ‘Have you any idea what heartache this man put my sister through? What kind of tragedy he almost caused?’
‘Yes, but I’m sure he didn’t mean any of it.’
‘And that’s supposed to make it better?’
‘No. It just means that maybe he doesn't deserve to be strangled.’
‘We'll see about that!’
I turned again and started towards the dance floor, but immediately my way was blocked by a wall of black velvet with glittering gold tigers on it. I hadn’t noticed before how tall and broad-shouldered Captain Carter was. Now I did.
‘Get out of my way,’ I growled.
‘Miss Linton,’ he said softly. ‘Has it occurred to you that if you kill somebody in the middle of a crowded ballroom, you might be thrown into prison?’
‘I don't care!’
He studied my face. ‘Yes, you probably don't, at the moment. But what about your sister? I’m sure she would.’
I hesitated. He was right. Besides… I had never actually killed anybody before. I might not get it right the first time.
‘May I suggest an alternative solution?’ he said.
‘You don't mean that silly plan of yours to just select a random blonde and throw her in his way?’
‘It’s not silly.’
‘It is!’
‘It’s not. And I’ll just have to prove it to you - if only to keep you out of prison.’
Grabbing my hand, he started pulling me towards one of the raised niches that overlooked the ballroom, on the opposite side of the room from the large windows.
‘What are you doing?’ I exclaimed, as he pulled me through a throng of noble ladies, who gazed after us with interest. It was not common for a man to hold a lady’s hand at a ball, still less to pull her through the crowd.
‘Helping you,’ was his cheerful answer. ‘We need to take up a position from where we can inspect our possible recruits. Then we can discuss candidates and pick the unlucky lady whose fate it will be to save your sister’s life, love and honour.’
Before I could free myself, he had pulled me up the steps into the raised niche he had been heading towards. We could see over the heads of the guests and had a good view of the entire ballroom.
‘Now, do you see any likely blue-eyed lady?’ he prompted, sweeping his arm across the crowd.
Was he honestly asking me to look for someone I thought could replace my sister?
‘No,’ I growled, crossing my arms in front of my chest. I wasn’t going to play this ridiculous game!
Even though it might be fun? asked a little voice in the back of my head. I ignored it.
‘Not one, Miss Linton?’
‘Well…’ His smile was so coaxing, so charming… Reluctantly I pointed to one random lady. ‘There’s one over there.’
‘No,’ he decided. ‘She has brown hair. Didn’t I tell you Flip likes to fall in love with blondes? Don’t ask me why he does it, I find brunettes much more interesting.’ He winked at me! He actually had the nerve to wink at me! ‘But for Flip, the ladies have to be blonde.’
‘Any other requirements?’ I asked, as sourly as possible. But I was hard-pressed to keep a grin off my face. ‘Should she have a tiny waist? Or two noses, perhaps?’
‘Well, one that isn’t over eighty would probably have a greater chance of engaging his affections.’
Against my will, my lips twitched.
‘What about her?’ He pointed to another young lady.
‘She has a face like a horse.’
‘So does Flip. They should suit each other admirably.’
‘In case you hadn’t noticed, Captain Carter, ugly men are no less fond of pretty girls than others.’
‘True,’ he sighed. ‘What a shallow sex we are. Now… what about her?’
‘She looks nice enough, there is only one problem.’
‘Which is?’
‘The ring on her finger. She’s married.’
Captain Carter waved a hand, dismissively. ‘We don't need to tell Flip that. He’s short-sighted, he probably wouldn’t notice.’
‘Captain!’
‘Besides, we don't need her for long. We would only borrow her for one night. I’m sure she wouldn’t mind.’
I hadn’t thought there existed a man in England who could shock me. I had been wrong.
‘Her husband might,’ I pointed out, drily.
The Captain nodded earnestly. ‘I bow to your superior knowledge of men, Miss Linton. So… on to the next one.’
‘What about her?’ I said, feeling a silly grin appear on my face. ‘The one with the perky nose and big hoop skirt?’
‘I don't think so. She looks rather like a fat woodpecker.’
‘Hmm… maybe. And the one on her left?’
‘She would be perfect,’ Captain Carter admitted. ‘Only, Flip already fell in love with her two months ago, and I’m not quite sure he has forgotten yet.’
‘You talk about falling in love as other people would about a visit to the hairdresser!’
‘Not quite. Flip has his hair cut about once every fortnight, but he usually manages to fall in and out of love once a week.’
‘Um… then maybe the most intelligent approach would be to first exclude all the ladies he has already fallen in love with once?’
‘You’re quite right!’ His face lit up. ‘How clever of you, I would never have thought of that. Well, let me think… there’s Miss Alden, Miss Cokes, Miss Howard, Lady Darwin, Lady Caroline…’
‘Lady Caroline? She’s at least seventy years old!’
‘Yes, he fell in love with the back of her head and changed his mind when she turned around.’
I squinted at him suspiciously.
‘Are you making half of this up?’
‘What do you think of me, Miss Linton,’ he said with grave propriety. ‘That I would joke when such serious matters are at stake?’
‘Yes.’
‘Marvellous. You already know me so well.’
Whipping out my fan, I gave him a sharp jab into the ribs. He flinched in a very gratifying way.
‘Be serious, Captain! My sister’s welfare is at stake here!’