I stared into his eyes and that got to me.
I wanted to be wrecked.
I wanted to be wrecked by Mickey.
Needed it.
Thankfully, I didn’t say that because my lips wouldn’t move.
“Michael Patrick Donovan, I’ll be sharing your liberal use of profanities with your mother and Father Riley!” a female I was pretty sure was Mrs. Osborn, who wandered the home with her rosary beads daily, shouted.
Mickey ignored that and I watched his eyes change in a way that made me wish I could fall into them and swim in that blue forever.
“Have dinner with me,” he whispered.
Oh God, I wanted that too.
I felt his hand curl around the side of my neck and the feel of his strength, his heat through that simple touch made me want it more.
“Amy,” he prompted.
“I need to think,” I whispered and watched his eyes flash and they did this with victory.
It was fabulous.
Then his hand on me tightened and he murmured, “I’ll give you what you need.”
I didn’t lie. I needed to think.
I also needed to call Robin and discuss.
Thoroughly.
And, possibly, Lawrie.
Mickey lifted up and kissed my forehead in a way that was unbearably sweet.
Then he let me go and I felt bereft in a way that was intensely troubling.
In a haze caused by Mickey, I felt him move beyond me and whirled quickly.
“Mickey,” I called.
He turned to me.
I looked at his beauty and swallowed.
Then I said softly, for only him and no audience to hear, “If I decide to give this a shot, before I share that with you, you need to think too. You have to have your head straight. I know you’re still dealing with Rhiannon’s issues and I hate that for you and the kids. But they’re hers, not mine. And if you do anything like you did to me last night ever again, I’m sorry, it might not be fair, but I have to tell you, there won’t be any more second chances.”
“Don’t have to think,” he returned instantly and also quietly, only for me. “If you give me that shot, I don’t know what’s gonna happen. If this goes somewhere, we both gotta know that won’t always be smooth. That happens, that’ll be ours. But what I handed you last night that you didn’t do shit to deserve, swear to Christ, Amy, I won’t need any second chances.”
Swear to Christ, Amy, I won’t need any second chances.
That’ll be ours.
Ours.
That sounded amazing.
“Yeah?” he called when I drifted away.
I focused on him. “Okay, Mickey.”
“Hope you make the right choice, baby,” he whispered right before he walked away.
I hoped I did to.
“Do you need to come in for a shot of bourbon?” Mr. Dennison called.
My body jolted and I looked to the windows.
“No, Mr. Dennison, thanks!” I called back.
“Is it only me who sees Nazis conspiring in the parking lot?” Mrs. McMurphy asked tetchily.
I loved that woman.
No matter what I was feeling, like right then I was feeling a lot, and even if she had no intention of doing it…
She always had me smiling.
*
“Oh my God, I want your life,” Robin declared.
It was early that evening, we were on the phone, and I’d told her everything.
“Not sure it’s as fun living it,” I mumbled.
“I haven’t had sex since my personal trainer moved to Vegas,” she retorted.
“Eek.”
Yes, I made that noise out loud.
“You understand me,” she mumbled.
I did.
Then again, I hadn’t had sex since the night before Conrad told me he was leaving me, and I’d obviously not had sex with anyone other than Conrad for two decades.
Something else to fret about for I had a feeling Mickey hadn’t abstained since he kicked his wife out.
Maybe sex was like riding a bike.
God, I hoped so.
I curled my legs deeper under me in my sectional and asked, “So what should I do?”
“Honestly?” she asked back.
“Wouldn’t have it any other way,” I told her.
“Okay, then honestly, if we never again took a chance on love, then our ex-asses would win. They’d beat us. Completely.”
I drew breath sharply into my nose.
I’d recently realized I’d been beaten, and often, and not only allowed that to happen but had given away my power in order for it to happen.
And I’d also recently made the determination that had to stop.
“So,” she continued, “if this doesn’t work, it doesn’t. If you have a spell where you go to your nursing home and decorate your house and go to movies by yourself, you do. If you find another guy, you try. But it would suck if we let those assholes beat us. It would suck if we let normal shit a lot of women endure and then bounce back from take us down for the count. So we shouldn’t. You should ride this out. Be smart. But see where it will take you. And hopefully at the very least it will take you to out of the zone of self-induced orgasms and into a new zone that feels a whole lot nicer.”
Her words were wise.
I just wondered if she heard them as she said them.
“Robin—” I started.
“Lawr isn’t the only one waking up while watching you go through the tough stuff,” she said quietly.
My heart settled.
Wouldn’t it be great if my brother and best friend were happy?
Wouldn’t it be even better if they found happy together?
It was too good to believe.
But I hoped for it all the same.
“Anyway, my ex-ass’s wife is a lesbian and he’s soon going to be paying double alimony, so if that’s not a shot in the pants, nothing is,” she added.
I burst out laughing.
She laughed with me.
My doorbell rang at the same time there came a pounding.
I twisted to it, heart starting to hammer, thinking I’d see Mickey in the frame and that was definitely early indication he was angry about something.
But I didn’t see Mickey.
I saw two bodies, both appeared female.
I had a feeling the afternoon nursing home entertainment had made the rounds.
“I think my friends Josie and Alyssa are here,” I said as the pounding kept coming and I folded out of my couch.
“Old folks talking,” she muttered.
“My guess…yes,” I confirmed.
“I’ll let you go, but sweetie?”
“Yeah?” I asked, ascending the living room steps.
“Go for it. Don’t let him shit on you. But take a chance on being happy.”
I smiled at my phone as I lifted my hand to the lock. “Thanks, sweets.”
“Later, darling.”
“’Bye, honey.”
We disconnected and I opened the door.
The instant I did, Alyssa sniped, “Seriously? Mickey? And you didn’t say anything?”
She pushed in and did it carrying what appeared to be a chilled bottle of vodka.
I turned to Josie to see her waving toward the driveway. I looked beyond her to see Jake pulling out of my drive in his truck.