Neither of them met my eyes.
In their words, “whatever.”
“As it’s doubtful you wish to go to the auction with Josie and me, and I need to leave imminently, I’ll be doing that. Since I won’t be home, and you’ve made it clear neither of you wish to be here, there’s no reason for you to remain here while I’m gone. You may go home to your dad’s.”
Both their eyes widened and Pippa looked to Auden but Auden turned his wary gaze to me.
“Before you go, I’d like you to tidy your rooms, make your beds and please go through those piles as I asked. If you don’t, I’ll assume you don’t want any of those things and I’ll donate them to charity.” I looked to my daughter. “And if you truly don’t like your new bedclothes, your old ones are in the first guest bedroom. Just grab them and put them in your room. I’ll switch them out and deal with the new.”
I drew in breath, went to the counter, shoved my phone in my purse and hooked it over my shoulder.
As I did this, neither of my kids said anything.
I moved beyond the counter and stopped, turning back to them.
“I made grave mistakes,” I whispered and watched both their bodies lock. “I know this. I’ve admitted it. I’ve come here not to continue to do that but to get my family back. You’re my children and I love you. I love you more than anything. I love you more than my own life. I failed you and I intend to rectify that. I understand your anger. I don’t blame you for having it. All I ask is that you give me a chance. One last chance to show you that I’m sorry, to give you back the mom you love. The mom you want to be a part of your life. Because there is nothing in mine I want more than having you in it.”
They said nothing.
I took that too with a nod and finished it.
“I love you, honeys. Have a good day, take the cookies with you and I’ll see you in a month.”
And with that, I left.
*
Although Josie kindly didn’t comment on the fact I arrived at the auction without my children, it was still awkward.
But it was not the worst part of my day.
That had already happened.
In a different frame of mind, I would have enjoyed the auction.
Regardless of the fact that I was barely capable of functioning, I still found and bought a fabulous set of furniture—including a high-button-backed, leather rolling chair and a baronial desk—that would be perfect for the back room.
Not only that, I found a whimsical bedroom set that I bought for the guest bedroom. I’d need mattresses, but I envisioned a fanciful, beachy room that would give any guests I might eventually have (though few and far between, the only prospect being my brother and his family, only three of the four of them I’d actually want in my home) a tranquil, but exceedingly pretty, place to call their home away from home.
I arrived back at Cliff Blue at just after three, a couple of hours before my kids were supposed to leave me.
I also arrived back at an empty house.
They’d left the cookies.
They hadn’t gone through their piles of stuff.
But Olympia had not put her old bed things back in her room.
I texted them both to make certain they were good with me donating their things and added on Pippa’s that she wanted to keep her new linens.
Neither replied.
Chapter Seven
Picking up the Pieces
The next evening, I sat in my car and stared at the cineplex.
I did this concentrating.
And what I was concentrating on was not on the disastrous visit I’d had with my children that weekend.
No, I was concentrating on the fact that the auction furniture I bought would be delivered the next day and thus I could turn my mind to creating a tranquil, beachy, fanciful room that would delight the dearth of guests I would probably not be having.
I was also concentrating on my triumph that day at Dove House when I did not freak way the heck out during mealtime when Mrs. McMurphy clamped my wrist in her clawed hand, yanked me to her and looked at me with clear, light blue eyes, hissing, “I know you’re a spy.” Then she’d let me go only to drag a finger across her neck threateningly and declare, “I’m telling General Patton.”
Further, I was concentrating on the fact that right then, instead of going out and buying a teal Thunderbird with white upholstery and driving it to the nearest cliff where I would then drive right off it—considering I’d made such a mess of my own life, that was the only option open to me—I was going to a movie.
By myself.
I’d never done anything by myself, except shopping. I’d not gone to a meal by myself. I’d never even gone to a spa for a facial by myself.
When I lost Conrad and all my other friends, Robin had come with me.
On this thought, my phone rang.
I shouldn’t have pulled it out of my purse. I knew who was calling.
Though, it could be Josie and Alyssa. It seemed they actually liked me and they definitely liked decorating.
But when I looked at the display, I saw I was right.
It said “Dad.”
I stared at it for a long time. Long enough for it to quit ringing. Long enough for it to bing in order to tell me I had a missed call.
Then, to my surprise, it binged again to tell me I had a voicemail.
New.
He hadn’t yet left a voicemail.
Shit.
That was when I did something else I shouldn’t do.
I activated my phone, went to voicemail and listened to it.
“Amelia, call me,” Dad bit out icily.
“Shit,” I whispered, dropping the phone but moving my finger over the screen, going to my text messages.
Not that I was going to text my father. I knew he was already losing his mind, frosting over, hatching plans to eviscerate me. He did not text. If I tried to text, he’d likely pay millions of dollars to some scientific genius to build snow bombs, have them directed at my house and bury me under an avalanche of chill.
No, I went to Robin’s text string and opened it.
I’d texted her last and I’d done it two weeks ago.
But my text reply had been two days after she’d sent hers.
She was giving up on me.
I told myself this was what I wanted. I needed relationships that were healthy. If nothing else, my recent visit with my kids told me I could not veer from that path.
But I missed my friend.
I rested my hand with the phone against my thigh and dropped my forehead to the steering wheel.
Josie and Alyssa were sweet. Josie and Alyssa both made it clear they liked me. Josie and Alyssa also had made it clear that they were there to listen should I need to share.
But I couldn’t share, not that, not the ugliness that I’d perpetrated against my family. I wanted them to keep liking me, not think I was the whackjob my son called me.
No, right then I needed someone who knew me. Who got me. Who understood where I’d been and where I was going.
Robin understood the first part.
The last, I wasn’t sure she had that in her.