—I don’t know how else to explain it. I wake up every morning hearing Rose screaming for me to stop. People keep telling me that it’ll pass, that there’ll come a day when I don’t have to watch her die over and over again in my dreams. I don’t think that day will come, but I’ve learned to live with it.
I mean, of course, I wish I could only remember the good parts. She gave me her trust, her friendship, and she opened the doors to a world I would never have dreamed of. I’ll be in her debt until it’s my turn to die. I wish I could only see that, but I can’t. So, if waking up screaming every morning is part of remembering her, I’m fine with that.
I can’t bring her back. It’s too late for me to listen to her, and I can’t promise I’ll always do what anyone else asks me to do, but I swear to you, I swear on my life, I will never fall again. I will never let anything happen to someone I love because I wasn’t strong enough, starting with Kara. That’s why I’m waiting to call her.
—I do not question your resolve, I never have, but you cannot guarantee that your knees will not simply give again, as they did the last time.
—I climb stairs.
—What?
—I climb stairs with my knees in reverse.
—Perhaps there are aspects of your life I was not made aware of. Please go on.
—At night, in my apartment building. I set my alarm for 2:00 A.M., and I go up and down the back stairs. I go up four floors, then down, then up again, until I can’t move anymore.
—How often do you do that?
—Every night since I came back here. My legs are too tired to work out during the day, so I drink protein shakes and work on my concentration. I build model ships while I do multiples in my head using alien math. It’s a bit unorthodox, I know, and I’m sorry if it’s not up to everyone’s standards, but it’s the closest thing I could find to working the console. So I don’t know what you’re really asking me to do, but if you’re thinking of getting the band back together, I’m ready. I’m ten times more ready than I was the last time I set foot in the sphere.
—Getting the band back together might not be that easy.
—…I’m sorry. I’m not laughing at you. It’s just, what you said, it’s a quote from Jake in that movie, The Blues Brothers.
—I was citing you, from a moment ago…
—I know. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to…
—…and that line is from Elwood, not Jake. Congratulations.
—What did I do?
—You have convinced me that you are fit for duty. All you need to do now is to convince Ms. Resnik.
FILE NO. 239
INTERVIEW WITH ALYSSA PAPANTONIOU, CHIEF EXECUTIVE OFFICER AND CHIEF SCIENCE OFFICER, BVI COMPANY NUMBER 462753 INC.
Location: Undisclosed location, near San Juan, Puerto Rico
—Alas, Ms. Papantoniou, we meet again.
—Yes, it must be hard for you.
—Why would you say that? I was sorry to see you go.
—You had me de…deported.
—Yes. I meant afterward. I had underestimated your contribution to the team. I believe you lack the social skills and empathy that are necessary to lead people, but I realize that you are a uniquely talented individual and that we can greatly benefit from your presence.
—And now the board has ch…chosen me. I’m in charge this time.
—Indeed they have. You must have made quite an impression with the Russian government. I am curious, however, as to what you really offered them since you knew nothing of this facility. You must have convinced them that you could find a way to activate the controls for their pilots, were they able to retrieve the pieces from the bottom of the trench on their own. I am fairly certain the United States would not look kindly on your proposal to the Russians.
—I don’t think they would look kindly on your setting up this consortium either.
—Exactly. As you can see, we have a lot in common. We are both deeply committed to this project, enough so that we must often choose between what is ethical, honorable, and what is important. I hope this shared commitment can serve as the foundation of our renewed relationship. I hope we can have a…fresh start.
—They dragged me out of my home…like a cri…criminal!
—They thought you were. But, as I said, water under the bridge. You do realize we have to find a way to work together? I am honestly willing to try if you are.
—I’ve always been professional. You’re the one who made things pers…p…
—Personal. I would describe my actions as…decisive. I thought that was a quality you admired in others. Believe me, when I make things personal, it will leave no room for interpretation. So. Shall we begin? How is the construction progressing?
—…
—I will not leave before you talk to me. If you care for this project as much as you claim to, you will not let a…temporary relocation get in the way of its success.
—We’re ahead of schedule by almost a month. Cons…Construction of the lab is almost complete, and we’re laying track much faster than we thought possible. You should get the pilots here now.
—It was my understanding that you would not be ready for training until Christmas. Even with the good news you just presented me with, I fail to see what the pilots could possibly do here now.
—Nothing. They’d have nothing to do. They could go to the b…beach, have a few drinks, have some fun. Let the resentment dissipate slowly for a few weeks.
—Do you believe they resent me for ending the program?
—No, I don’t think so. But they’ll certainly resent me. They’ll be useless to me for at least a…at least a month. They didn’t like me before, but they’ll ha…hate me now.
—This line of thinking seems somewhat irrational to me. You have spent only a short time with them. They do not know you well enough to hate you.
—Irrational’s the ri…right word. They won’t know why, but they’ll resent me for not being her. They’ll resent me just for…for being alive.
—Dr. Franklin?
—Yes. They probably won’t realize it, but the thought of anyone but Dr….anyone but her being in charge will make their stomachs turn. They’ll hate me for not being exactly like her, and they’ll hate me when I remind them of her. They’ll hate me for making them relive her d…death over and over. Trust me, they’ll hate me. So I’m asking you to get them here now, give them a chance to get over it. I can’t do my job if they want me dead, even if it is sub…consciously.
—I will see what can be done. They might need some time to work out their own differences. Let us leave these psychological concerns aside for a moment and go back to the work you have accomplished. You said that construction of the lab was almost complete. Will it be as large as the room we used in Denver?
—Almost. It’s about forty feet smaller lengthwise. The ground was more unstable toward the ocean than what the…geological surveys had shown. Don’t worry—there’ll still be enough room for it to move around, but you wouldn’t want the roof to collapse. It’s a lot…deeper than Denver. There’ll be millions of tons of rock and water above our heads.
—How many men do you have laying tracks?
—Zero. I didn’t like the security risk to begin with, people can’t keep a secret. Divers could only have done the first few hundred feet anyway. Our German friends managed to build the train so it can lay its own track. It’s more of a shaft, really. A good portion of the path is on a near-vertical slope, so the weight doesn’t push on the track like a regular train. What we built looks like a steel I-beam with a series of holes in the middle. The train drive has geared wheels on both sides of the beam to move along the shaft.
It’s a nice piece of engineering. It goes to the end of the path, lays a new section of the track, and comes back to get the n…next one. When we started, it would come back every couple hours or so, now it’s gone for almost a day at a time. It’s really slow, but it’s…steady.
—How will you collect the pieces once you reach the target area?
—We have an unmanned submarine with a robotic arm. When we get to the bottom of the trench, we’ll attach…buoys to the pieces to reduce the weight, and we’ll hoist them on the train platform with cables. Then we bring the pieces in…one by one.