What they’d said penetrated, belatedly.
Brought us tasty to drink, fast one? Last one was sweet.
I froze, horrified. Surely that didn’t mean what it sounded like it meant. Dani was the fast one. What—Why—My brain turned to sludge.
They were staring behind me with hopeful expressions. “She issh ourssh, assh well?” Six mouths spoke as one. “You mussht take her sshpear for ussh. You mussht make her helplessh, like you did other blondie. Leave in alley with ussh again.”
Dani. I open my mouth. I can’t seem to make a sound.
I hear a choking noise behind me, a strangled sob.
“Do not go, fassht one!” Six mouths cry, gazes fixed behind me. “Come back, feed ussh again! We are ssho hungry!”
I turn and stare at Dani.
Her eyes are enormous, her face pale. She’s backing away from me.
If she draws her sword, it’ll make everything easy.
She doesn’t.
“Draw your sword.”
She shakes her head and takes another step backward.
“Draw your fucking sword!”
She bites her lower lip and shakes her head again. “Ain’t doing it. I’m faster. Ain’t killing you.”
“You killed my sister. Why not me?” The dark lake in my head begins to boil.
“Ain’t like that.”
“You brought her to them.”
Her face screws up with anger. “You don’t know a fecking thing ’bout me, you stupid fecking fecker! You don’t know nothing!”
I hear rustles behind me, leathery wet sounds, and I whirl. The freaks that killed my sister are taking advantage of the distraction and trying to leave.
Not a chance in hell. This is what I’ve been living for. This moment. My revenge. First them, then her.
I lunge for them, screaming my sister’s name.
I slice and rip and tear.
I begin with my spear and end with my bare hands.
I fall on the pair like the beast form of Barrons. My sister died in an alley with these monsters working on her, and now I know it wasn’t fast. I can see her, white-lipped with pain, knowing she’s going to die, scratching a clue into the pavement. Hoping I’ll come, afraid I’ll come. Believing I could succeed where she failed. God, I miss her! Hatred consumes me. I devolve into vengeance, I embrace it, I become it.
When I finish, there are no pieces larger than my fist.
I’m shaking, gasping, covered with bits of flesh and gray matter from smashing their skulls.
Feed ussh again! they’d demanded.
I double over and hit the pavement, puking. I puke until I dry-heave, then I dry-heave until my ears ring and my eyes are stinging.
I don’t have to look behind me to know she’s long gone.
I finally got what I came to Dublin for.
I know who killed my sister.
The girl I’d begun to think of as my sister.
I curl in a tight ball on the cold pavement and cry.
37
As I stepped out of the shower, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. It wasn’t pretty.
In all the time I’d been in Dublin, with all the horrors I’ve encountered, I’ve never seen quite this expression on my face.
I look haunted. Haunted is all about the eyes.
I feel haunted.
I came here for revenge. I brace my palms on either side of the bathroom sink and lean close into the mirror, studying myself.
Who’s in there, behind my face? A king that wouldn’t think twice about killing a fourteen-year-old girl I love? Loved. Hate her now. She took my sister to an alley, gave her to monsters that slaughtered her.
I can’t even think things like why? It doesn’t seem to matter. She did it. Res ipsa loquitur as Daddy would say. The thing speaks for itself.
I don’t have the emotional energy to dry my hair or put on makeup. I dress and drift downstairs where I slump on the sofa in the rear seating area, as thunder rolls in the leaden sky. The day is so thick with rain that it looks like dusk at noon. Lightning crashes.
I’ve lost so much. And gained precious little.
I’d had Dani in the gains column.
Finding out who killed Alina made the pain of her death fresh again. It made it all too visual for me. I’d told myself she died instantly and whatever had been done to her had happened postmortem. I knew better now. While they’d slowly drained her, she lay there scratching a clue into the pavement for me. I sat, torturing myself with thoughts of her torture, as if that might accomplish something useful, besides torturing myself.
Leftover cake mocked me on the coffee table. Unopened presents teetered nearby. I’d baked a cake for my sister’s murderer. I’d wrapped presents. I’d painted her nails. I’d sat and watched movies with her. What kind of monster was I? How could I have been so blind? Were there clues I’d never noticed? Had she ever slipped? Revealed knowledge of Alina she shouldn’t have had but I hadn’t been paying enough attention?
I dropped my head in my hands and squeezed, rubbing my temples, tugging my hair.
The journal pages!
“She has Alina’s journal,” I said, incredulous. The journal pages that had shown up for a brief time had made no sense to me. They’d never really told me anything and they’d appeared at the strangest times. Like the day Dani had brought my mail in and there’d been one in the stack. In a thick, fine envelope, just the kind a corporation like Rowena’s might use.
But why would she have given me those entries? They’d pretty much just been about …
“How much Alina loved me.” Tears stung my eyes.
The bell over the door tinkled.
I rose in a half crouch and waited. Who was here in the middle of the day?
My muscles stayed tense, and my gut tightened with anticipation. I eased back down to the sofa.
I responded that way to only one man. Jericho Barrons.
I was lost in grief and fury and hated being alive. And still I wanted to stand up, stripping as I went, and have sex with him right here on the bookstore floor. Was that the sum total of my existence? I didn’t get the erudition of I think therefore I am. Instead, I got I am, therefore I want to fuck Jericho Barrons.
“Got a little messy in my back alley, Ms. Lane.” His voice floated around bookcases, preceding him.