Chapter 18
Hester paused on the threshold of her bedroom and stared at her sleeping husband. He’d come to her often over the past sennight, seeking surcease from his torment in her bed. She tried to comfort him, tried to tell him that no one remembered a boxing match a week old, that he wasn’t humiliated or diminished, but nothing she said or did soothed his inner turmoil. She was exhausted from the effort, disheartened, and sickened by his weakness and her own weakness for him. Despite everything dark and twisted that had passed between them, she still couldn’t wish him ill.
It was her greatest failure that she couldn’t save the man she’d once loved from himself. She could not even save their love, which had withered and was surely dying. As much as it pained her, she could no longer afford to waste her energies and affections on a man who couldn’t accept and value her efforts. She had a child to consider now, a tiny being who would need all her time, attention, and adoration. The strength she hadn’t been capable of finding for herself, she’d found for the babe growing within her.
Her shoulders went back and she moved toward the bed.
Regmont had the potential to be such a wonderful man. He was handsome and emminently charming. He had a fine wit and was brilliantly adept at everything he set his hand to. Women coveted him and men respected him. Yet he saw none of those admirable qualities in himself. Sadly, his father’s demeaning and belittling words were all he heard in his head; they drowned out the praise directed his way. He felt unworthy of love, and he reacted to those feelings in the manner his father had taught him by example—through violence.
But she couldn’t make excuses for him any longer. His most prominent traits were the need for absolute control over her—from the clothes she wore to what she ate—and manipulation. He laid the blame for his rages on the spirits he drank to excess and, sometimes, on her. If he couldn’t accept his own culpability, there was little possibility he would change. She had to take steps to protect her child.
As she neared, he stirred, one sleekly muscled arm reaching toward her side of the bed. His head lifted from the pillow when he felt her gone. When he found her, he gifted her with a slow and sleepy smile. A soft tremor flowed through her. Tousled and naked, his golden masculine beauty was undeniable. An angel’s face hiding the demons that ruled him.
He rolled to his back and pushed up to recline against the carved wooden headboard. The sheet pooled around his hips, leaving the breathtaking expanse of his chest and stomach bared. “I can hear you thinking from here,” he murmured. “What thoughts have you so occupied?”
“I have something to tell you.”
He slid his legs off the side of the bed and stood, shamelessly and gloriously naked. “You shall have my undivided attention … in just a moment.”
He kissed her cheek on his way to the chamber pot and screen in the corner.
When he appeared again, she spoke. “I’m increasing.”
He came to a halt so abruptly, he stumbled. Wide eyed, he paled. “Hester. My God …”
She couldn’t say what reaction she had been expecting, but his terrible stillness wasn’t it. “I hope you’re pleased.”
He breathed roughly. “Of course I am. Forgive me, I’m a bit startled. I had come to think you might be barren, like your sister.”
“Is that partly why you become so angry with me?” How much angrier would he become if he learned how she’d worked to prevent conception these past few years … ? The thought alone terrified her.
“Angry—?” He flushed. “Do not start a row. Not today.”
“I never start rows,” she said neutrally. “I abhor discord, as you know. I had quite enough of it in my childhood to last me a lifetime.”
His blue eyes glittered dangerously. “If I didn’t know your gentle nature so well, I would wonder if you were deliberately attempting to provoke me.”
“By speaking the truth?” Fear made her heart race, but she refused to give in to it. “We are simply having a discussion, Edward.”
“You don’t seem happy to be breeding.”
“I will be, once I know the baby is safe.”
“What’s wrong?” He jerked into motion then, striding to the chaise where he’d discarded his robe the night before. “Have you called for the doctor?”
“I have morning sickness, which is quite normal. I’m told that everything is progressing nicely so far.” She fought against the urge to lift her chin, knowing the silent challenge would only aggravate Regmont further. “However, I must take care of myself and a-avoid injury.”
A warning muscle in his jaw ticked. “Of course.”
“And I need to eat more.”
“I tell you so all the time.”
“Yes, but it’s difficult to eat when one is in pain.” His lips whitened, a warning sign she forced herself to ignore. “With that in mind, I should like to retire to the country early. You can join me when the Season ends.”
“You are my wife,” he bit out, yanking the belt of his robe into a knot. “Your place is by my side.”
“I understand. But we have to think of the babe.”
“I dislike your tone, and your intimation that I am somehow a danger to my own child!”
“Not you.” A necessary lie. “The spirits you drink.”
“I won’t be drinking.” His arms crossed. “In case you hadn’t taken note of it, I have not had a drink in nearly three weeks.”
He’d abstained for longer stretches, but something always tipped him into his cups again. “Can any precaution be excessive when it concerns our child?”
“You’ll stay here,” he bit out, heading toward the connecting door to his rooms. “And I will not listen to any further nonsense about you leaving.”
“Edward. Please—”
The slam of the door ended the conversation.