“Yeah, I guess we are.” I flatten my palm against the exit door, push it open, and enter the winter storm taking over most of the campus yard. “Actually… I… never mind.”
She whirls in front of me, grabbing my arms for support when she almost eats it on the ice. “No way! You have to finish what you were saying.”
“It’s not that big a deal.”
“Yeah, it is. I can tell by the look on your face.”
I sigh, drawing my hood over my head. “I was just going to say that I think I’m going to tell Seth I love him while we’re in Florida. Out on the beach, maybe at sunset.”
“Aw, my Greyson is such a sap.” She grins at me as she presses her hand to her chest. “But it’s sweet… God, I miss that.”
“Miss what?”
“The act of falling in love.” Her eyes light up. “That should totally be the name of my next exhibit.”
“But you’re already in love with Ari.” I make a right toward the parking lot, where I’m supposed to meet Seth by his car.
She follows me, making a path around a tree. “I know, but I think I’ll make it a goal this holiday to re-fall in love with him.” Spotting Ari near one of the benches, she gives me a quick kiss on the cheek and skips off toward him. “Wish me luck!”
“Good luck!’ I call out then pick up the pace when I see Seth’s at his car already, leaning against the hood, waiting for me.
My heart rate quickens as I near him, but the closer I get, the more aware I am that Seth doesn’t appear all that happy.
“I have some bad news,” he says when I reach him. “I can’t go home with you for break.”
My good mood crashes. “Why not?”
He motions for me to get into the car. “I’ll explain after we get out of the God-awful snow storm.” He scowls at the sky then climbs into the car.
I hop in, and he revs the engine before cranking up the heater.
“I need to go home with Callie,” he says as he steers the car down the icy road toward my apartment complex. “Kayden hasn’t talked to her yet, but he’s finally able to have visitors.” He flips on the blinker. “I’m worried about her trying to handle that and her family and Caleb all at the same time.”
I draw the seatbelt over my shoulder. “Wait… Who’s Caleb?”
“The guy who raped her.” He turns the wheel and makes a right down the main road.
“Wait. I’m so lost. He’s still around?”
“Callie never told her family what happened and, unfortunately, they’re pretty clueless about picking up on the fact that their daughter gets extremely uncomfortable every time their son’s friend shows up.”
“That’s so fucked up.” I shake my head in disbelief.
“It really is,” he agrees, gripping onto the wheel. “Which is why I really need to go home with her. Between her family drama and the fact that Kayden won’t even talk to her, she really needs someone there for her.” He gives me a sidelong glance. “I hope you’re not too mad that I have to cancel on the Florida trip.”
“Of course not.” I slide my hand across the console and place it on his thigh. “You’re a good friend, Seth, and I can’t be mad about that.”
“I’m going to miss you, though. Like a lot, a lot. Like pour-my-heart-and-soul-out-to-a-diary kind of missing you.”
“I’m going to miss you, too.” I suddenly realize my grand plans for the big I love you reveal just went to shit. “When are you leaving?”
“That’s the really sucky part. We’re catching a ride with Luke, so we have to leave tonight.” He pulls the car into the apartment complex, parks in front of my building, and turns in his seat toward me. “You have to promise not to get angry when I text you twenty-four seven. I’m super needy like that.”
“I like that you’re super needy.” I glance around, knowing it’s not the beach scene I was planning on, but I’ve been holding my feelings in far too long already. He needs to know how I feel before we part ways for three weeks. “I have to tell you something. I was actually going to tell you while we were in Florida, but I really just need to get it off my chest.” I take an even breath before slipping my fingers through his. “I love you. And I mean, like really fucking love you. I actually have for a while.” I sweep my finger along a scar on the back of his hand. “I’ve never felt this way before.” I wait for him to say something, anything, but he remains quiet. “I’m sorry. That was way bad timing, right?”
He nods, a little dazed. “I don’t know what to say… I’m just feeling a little overwhelmed.”
“You don’t have to say anything.” I reach for the door handle, feeling more awkward than I ever have in my entire life. “Forget I said it.”
“I can’t just forget it,” he says, looking as though his head is spinning. “It just feels like things are moving super fast… I don’t know… I just think I need a break to catch up.”
I swallow the lump in my throat. “Well, at least call me when you hit the road, okay? And when you get to Callie’s house, too. I want to know you made it there safe.” Feeling like I’ve been punched in the stomach, I shove the door open and climb out of the car.
I don’t know why, but I half-expect him to chase after me. Instead, he pulls away, leaving me feeling as though my heart has been ripped out of my chest.
Chapter 15
Seth
I fucked up. Like really, really fucked up, worse than I ever have. When Greyson said that he loved me, I freaking panicked and clammed up, my voice catching in my throat as I remembered the last time I uttered those words to a guy.
I love Greyson. Deep down, I think I‘ve known it for a while, just like I know now that I never truly loved Braiden. I fooled myself into believing it was love because he was my first boyfriend. But he wasn’t even that, really. Braiden was just a guy I kissed because I thought he was hot.
Yes, Greyson is super fucking hot, but he’s so much more than that. So much more.
God, what the fuck is wrong with me? I told him I need a break when that’s the last damn thing I want. What I need is to be with him completely. I’m just so Goddamn scared to open myself up like that again. Everything’s moving so fast that I can hardly keep up. First we come so close to having sex, something I’ve never done before. Then he tells me that he loves me… I feel dizzy just thinking about it all, but a good kind of dizzy. The kind of dizzy that means deep down, I want what he’s offering me.
“Seth, please tell me what’s bothering you,” Callie says, shouting over the music blaring through the club.
We’re in San Diego, of all places. I ended up here when Luke, Kayden, Callie, and I all decided to flee their hometown and take a break from… Well, life. Deep down, though, I know I’m here because I’m running away from my problems.
“I’m fine,” I assure her, checking my messages for like the hundredth time.
Greyson’s hardly texted me since we parted ways, and I don’t blame him. The look on his face… God, that look. It’s what haunts my dreams at night.
I put my phone into my pocket as Luke leaves the table to go get drinks. I’m dying for a cigarette, but the place is solely no smoking.
Callie wrings her hands on her lap then starts picking at her nails. “Seth, you’re not fine.”
I take out my phone again, secretly willing Greyson to text me back, but the phone remains silent. “I haven’t talked to Greyson since yesterday,” I finally give in and divulge. “I think he might be upset with me.”
She rests her arms on top of the table. “Why?”
I shrug. “Because I might have said something mean about our relationship.”
“Like what?”
“Like I wanted a break.” I sigh when she frowns at me in disappointment. “Don’t look at me like that. I didn’t mean it. I was tired and overthinking things and… I didn’t mean it.”