Epilogue
Hush my Darling, don’t you cry
I’m going to sing you a lullaby
Though I’m far away it seems
I’ll be with you in your dreams.
Hush my Darling, go to sleep
All around you angels keep
In the morn and through the day
They will keep your fears at bay.
Sleep my Darling, don’t you cry
I’m going to sing you a lullaby
Silo 18
Mission changed out of his work coveralls while Allie readied dinner. He washed his hands, scrubbing the dirt from beneath his fingernails, and watched the mud slide down the drain. The ring on his finger was getting more and more difficult to remove, his knuckles sore and stiff from the hoeing of a planting season.
He soaped his hands and finally managed to work the ring off. Remembering the time he’d lost it down the drain, he set it aside carefully. Allie whistled in the kitchen while she tended the stove. When she cracked the oven, he smelled the pork roast inside. He’d have to say something. They couldn’t go buying roasts on no occasion.
His coveralls went into the wash. There were candles on the table when he got back to the kitchen. Lit candles. They were for emergencies, for the times when the fools below switched generators and worked on the busted main. Allie knew this. But before he could say anything about the roast or the candles, or tell her that the bean crop wouldn’t be what he’d hoped come harvest, he saw the way she was beaming at him. There was only one thing to be that happy about—but it was impossible.
“No,” he said. He couldn’t allow himself to believe it.
Allie nodded. There were tears in her eyes. By the time he got to her, they were coursing down her cheeks.
“But our ticket is up,” he whispered, holding her against him. She smelled like sweet peppers and sage. He could feel her trembling.
Allie sobbed. Her voice broke from being overfull of joy. “Doc says it happened last month. It was in our window, Mish. We’re gonna have a baby.”
A surge of relief filled Mission to the brim. Relief, not excitement. Relief that everything was legal, on the up-and-up. He wasn’t sure why this is what he felt. He kissed his wife’s cheek, salt to go with the pepper and sage. “I love you,” he whispered.
“The roast.” She pulled away and hurried to the stove. “I was gonna tell you after dinner.”
Mission laughed. “You were gonna tell me now or have to explain the candles.”
He poured two glasses of water, hands trembling, and set them out while she fixed the plates. The smell of cooked meat made his mouth water. He could anticipate the way the roast would taste like it was already in his mouth. A taste of the future, of what was to come. Like by the table, how he could already see two children, two more mouths to feed. He’d have to find a way to put in another row of corn. Or take that part time delivery job he’d been thinking about, just on weekends.
“Don’t let it get cold,” Allie said, setting the plates.
They sat and held hands. Mission cursed himself for not putting his ring back on.
“Bless this food and those who fed its roots,” Allie said.
“Amen,” said Mission. His wife squeezed his hands before letting go and grabbing her utensils.
“You know,” she said, cutting into the roast, “if it’s a girl, we’ll have to name her Allison. Every woman in my family as far back as we can remember has been an Allison.”
Mission wondered how far back her family could remember. Be unusual, if they could. The first piece of meat hit his tongue, an explosion of flavors. He chewed and thought on the name. “Allison it is,” he said. And he thought that eventually they would call her Allie, too. “But if it’s a boy, can we go with Cam”
“Sure.” Allie lifted her glass. “That’s wasn’t your grandfather’s name, was it”
“Hmm No. I don’t know a Cam. I just like the way it sounds.”
He picked up his glass of water, studied it a while. Or did he know a Cam Where did he know that name from There was something he was supposed to remember, something about the way water gets made, gets purified. But there were pockets of his past shrouded and hidden from him. There were things like the mark on his neck and the scar on his stomach that he couldn’t remember coming to be. Everyone had their share of these things, parts of their bygone days they couldn’t recall, but Mission more than most. Like his birthday. It drove him crazy that he couldn’t remember when his birthday was. What was so hard about that
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy;
for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves;
we must die to one life before we can enter another.
-Anatole France