TRENTON
Trenton had been hoping Katie wouldn’t show—or even better, that she would show but forget about the séance idea. No such luck. He’d just managed to put Amy to bed when he heard the faintest tapping from downstairs, like Katie was using her fingernails to knock.
“I don’t think candles are such a good idea,” he said, squatting down and trying to fit his arms around a huge oak bureau that Katie insisted he move.
“Of course we need candles,” she said. She had two packages of tall white pillar candles and she was busy tearing at the plastic with her teeth. She looked like a deranged gerbil. The roof was so low they were bent nearly double. “I stole these just for you.”
“You stole them?” Trenton said.
She shrugged. “I’m broke.” She managed to get the first package open. She spit out a small square of plastic and shook a candle into her hand. “Voilà,” she said, brandishing it.
He was worried the séance wouldn’t work, and he was worried it would. He was worried that Katie would see the ghost and freak out, and also that he would freak out but Katie wouldn’t see her so she wouldn’t understand why he was freaking out. There were so many different things to worry about, he was having trouble keeping them straight in his head.
Trenton strained against the bureau and managed to move it about half an inch. Christ. The thing felt like it was made of molten lead.
“Put your back into it,” Katie said.
“You could help,” he pointed out.
“I am helping.” She was setting up the candles, arranging them in a circle in the middle of the floor, which they had cleared of boxes and trunks by stacking everything together in teetering piles, leaving only a narrow pathway to the stairs. When she was finished, Katie unrolled the blanket, which she’d carried up from the living room. (“It’s a séance,” he’d said, “not a picnic.” And she’d looked at him, head tilted to the side, fingering the side of her nostril where he could still see twin holes that must once have been nose rings, and said, “Ghosts don’t know the difference. For them a séance is a picnic. What the fuck else do they do all day?” He was halfway tempted to answer: I’ll ask.)
It was cold in the attic, and Trenton had the sudden feeling of a finger running lightly down his neck. Watched. That’s what it was. It was the sensation of dark eyes on him, concealed, hidden behind the jumble of stacked boxes and furniture. And now it occurred to him, of course, that that’s what ghosts did all day—was all they could do.
They watched.
He jammed his fists into the front pocket of his sweatshirt.
“You okay?” Katie asked. She shrugged off her sweatshirt—which was pink, and patterned with grinning skulls—and Trenton looked away quickly, so he wouldn’t be caught staring at her too-small tank top underneath, and the stripe of tan stomach above her jeans.
“Yeah,” Trenton said. “Let’s just get this over with.”
“That’s the spirit.” She rolled her eyes, then sat down on the blanket and crossed her legs. When she leaned forward, he could see her cleavage. She patted the spot in front of her. “Park it.”
Trenton hadn’t thought about how difficult it would be for him to sit cross-legged. He sat down first sideways, with his legs pointed outward to the candles like the second hand in a giant clock. He bent one knee but couldn’t get the other to work. He was too stiff. It had been a long time since he’d done his PT.
The whole time, Katie observed him in silence. “What happened to you?” she asked finally.
Trenton had to settle for leaving one leg extended. “I was in an accident,” he said. “A car accident.”
“You said.” Katie narrowed her eyes. “Were you trying to kill yourself?”
“What?” Trenton stared at her. “No. No, of course not.”
“You can tell me,” Katie said. Her expression hadn’t changed.
“I wasn’t even driving,” he said, and immediately felt that old pain, a sharp pull of regret that he hadn’t died, that the warm soft hands hadn’t carried him off into the darkness, that instead he had woken up with his broken body straightened out and immobilized and pinned to a hospital bed like an insect pinned to soft cotton. “My friend was driving.”
“Was your friend trying to kill you?” she asked, unsmiling.
Trenton couldn’t help it. He laughed. The idea of Robbie Abramowicz, who weighed like three hundred pounds and was the only kid at Andover less popular than Trenton was, trying to kill anything was funny. “I hope not. He’s my only friend at school.” He was embarrassed, immediately, to have said it.
But Katie didn’t seem to notice. “I was in an accident once,” she said. Abruptly, she spun around and pulled up her shirt. Trenton tried to say something but only managed to gargle. He could see the small, regular knobs of her spine, and a blue butterfly tattoo—a fake—peeling away on her lower back. Running up the length of her back, like a second spine, was a narrow cord of scar tissue, thick as a child’s finger. “One time when I was little my parents took me to the zoo,” she said. “I wanted to see the tigers. I was so small I slipped right into the pen when they weren’t looking.”
“Really?” Trenton was relieved when she hitched down her shirt.
“No.” She turned around to face him again. “Spinal birth defect. I had, like, five surgeries before I was two.”
He stared at her. “Do you make everything into a story?”
“Yes,” she said simply. For a second, Katie looked just like she had the night of the party, like the girl who had counted fireflies and asked him to point out the North Star. “That way, I can make up my own endings.”
Then she lunged forward and for a second Trenton’s heart stopped and he thought, She’s going to kiss me.
But she just sat up on her hands and knees and reached behind him and started lighting the candles with a lighter. She was so close to him. She was wearing a T-shirt, and the way she was bending over he could see the curves of her breasts, full and soft-looking, like they’d fit perfectly in his hand, and one strap of a faded yellow bra. He had to look away because he was starting to get hard. But even so, he could smell her; and when she moved, she bumped his shoulder, and he wanted to take her face in his and inhale her and taste her tongue in his mouth. She was probably a great kisser.
Trenton was more than a little hard, now, and he shifted and thought of dead things, and old ghosts, and poor, shivery girls, full of holes, trapped behind walls.
Katie finished lighting the circle of candles. “Maestro,” she said, slipping her lighter back into her pocket. “Lights off.”
Even sitting, Trenton managed to reach the frayed cord that controlled the only light in the attic: a bare, wire-encased bulb, like something you would find in a prison. With the lights off, Katie’s face looked very different, full of strange planes and angles, lit up imperfectly in the candlelight. Dark shadows climbed the walls, and Trenton thought of a lamp he’d had as a kid, which had sent images of zoo animals skating across his ceiling when it revolved. Sitting in the attic with Katie, surrounded by candles, was a little like sitting in the middle of the lamp.
“All right.” Katie inhaled deeply and closed her eyes. Trenton kept his eyes open, watching her. For several seconds, she said nothing. She looked thinner in the darkness, and younger, too. Her eyelashes were very long, resting on her cheeks.
She opened her eyes again. “Well?”
“Well, what?”
She made a little gesture of impatience. “You have to talk to them. You have to call them out.”
“This was your idea,” Trenton said, who could think of nothing he wanted to do less. He still had the sensation of being watched, and he imagined dark eyes growing in the corners like tumors. He wanted to go downstairs with Katie, sit on the couch, put in a movie. Maybe she’d sit right next to him, so their thighs would touch again.
“Trenton.” Katie looked at him as though she were a teacher, and he a disappointing student. “I can’t talk to them. They won’t listen to me.”
Trenton felt the small touch against his neck again, light as a breath, and shivered. “Why do you think they’ll listen to me?” he said.
Katie leaned forward. Trenton could see small points of candlelight reflecting in her eyes. “You almost died,” she said. “You were one of them for a while. Haven’t you ever seen a movie about ghosts?”
He knew she was kidding, but he couldn’t even fake a smile.
Was Katie right? He had almost died, and now he could speak with the dead. Trenton thought of those moments after Robbie had swerved and for one second the guardrail, and the trees beyond it, were lit up like a still photograph—the feeling of dark hands and of warmth and also of silence, like a kite detached from its string, suspended in still air.
He’d been a ghost. For a few seconds, he’d been a ghost.
Katie must have interpreted his silence for resistance. “Fine,” she said. “I’ll do it. Give me your hands. And close your eyes. No cheating.”
Trenton wiped off his hands quickly on the back of his jeans before allowing her to take them, in case his palms were sweaty. He pretended to close his eyes but tried to look, a little, from under his lashes.
“No cheating,” Katie repeated, and so he really closed them.
“Spirits of this house,” she said, making her voice deep and loud. Trenton opened his eyes; he was sure he’d heard a stifled giggle. But Katie squeezed his hands urgently, so he closed them again.
“Spirits of this house,” she said again, using the same booming voice as a movie narrator or game show host, “we call on you to speak. Announce yourselves to us!”
Silence. They sat with their eyes closed, listening to the gentle creaking of the wood. Trenton was aware of the feel of Katie’s fingers on the inside of his wrists, and the soft warmth of her hands.
“What’s supposed to happen?” Trenton asked, after a bit.
“Shhh.”
He opened his eyes. Katie was very still and very serious and reminded him of a small animal listening for predators.
“I don’t think—”
“Shhh.” She opened her eyes again to glare at him.
Then he heard it: a rustling sound from one of the corners. Katie must have heard it, too.
“What was that?” she asked excitedly, dropping his hands. “Did you hear that?”
“Probably mice,” Trenton said, trying to sound calm. It probably was, anyway; he’d seen a whole pile of mouse shit when he was moving the dresser.
“Close your eyes. Come on.” She seized his hands again, before he had a chance to wipe them off. “Spirits of the other realm,” she said, assuming that voice again. “We come to you as friends, as fellow creatures of the dark . . . ”
This time he was sure he heard a snicker.
“We ask that you open your secrets to us . . . ”