2 - Brody
“What the f*ck is this, man?” Viper bellowed as he walked into Scooter Joe’s Café and dropped the newspaper on my table.
“Good morning to you too.” I laughed, picking it up.
Front page. Top story. Bold letters.
SORRY, LADIES! MINNESOTA’S MOST ELIGIBLE BACHELOR IS OFF THE MARKET:
BRODY MURPHY PROPOSES TO GIRLFRIEND KACIE JENSEN
“What the hell? How do they know already?” I growled in frustration as I slammed the paper facedown on the table. As annoyed as I was with the headline, I was even more annoyed with the picture they added below it of Kacie and me at the zoo with the girls. Lucy and Piper were facing the other way, so thankfully no one could see their faces, but it still pissed me off. Kacie and I had talked long ago about my life and how it’s in the spotlight more than I’d like, and she swore to me that we were worth it and she could handle it, but when they start posting pictures of her daughters, all bets are off.
Viper pulled the chair out and plopped down across from me. “The question is, how do they know before me?”
I smiled at him and shrugged. “Sorry. It just happened a couple days ago. I wanted to tell you in person. That’s why I asked you to meet me for breakfast.”
“Well, congratulations.” He reached across and shook my hand.
“Thanks.”
“You sure you’re ready for this?”
“I’m more than ready.” I sat up, looking him straight in the eye. “I want to marry that girl today, before she realizes she can do way better than me and changes her mind.”
Viper sat still for a minute, not responding. Just before I opened my mouth to talk, he batted his eyes at me and clapped his hands together. “Awww. There’s no one better than you, Brody Murphy,” he joked in an annoyingly high-pitched voice.
“Cut the shit, Finkle.” I laughed. “You’re just jealous I didn’t save myself for you.”
“True,” he agreed, “but we could always have some scorching affair and really give the magazines something to talk about. Do you like being on top or bottom?”
I held my hand over my mouth, concentrating desperately on not spitting my coffee out. “Okay, that was a little much.”
Viper laughed heartily and smacked his hand down on the table loudly, causing a couple people to turn and look at us. “All jokes aside, I’m happy for you, man. I really am. She’s a great girl, but you’re right… definitely out of your league.”
I looked down at the table and thought about Kacie and how I couldn’t wait to spend the rest of my life with her. Lucy and Piper, the kids we would eventually make together, holidays, graduations, vacations… Those were all the big things I was looking forward to, but with her I wanted more. I wanted all the awesome little things too. Sleeping in on Sundays, date nights at my favorite little Italian place in the city, all of our weird inside jokes, her cinnamon rolls. I wanted all of it, every single day.
“Jesus, wipe the goofy smile off your face.” Viper threw a wadded-up napkin at me, laughing when it bounced off my forehead.
“Sorry.” I shook my head back to reality. “Hey, I actually asked you here for another reason, not just because I wanted to see your ugly face.”
“Oh, this should be interesting.” He sat back in his chair and locked his fingers behind his head.
“Unfortunately, there aren’t a lot of guys on the team I can stomach and my choices are limited,” I joked, “so I wanted to know if you would stand up with me in our wedding?”
“Seriously?” he asked excitedly, sitting up straight.
I laughed. “Yes. Seriously.”
He clapped his hands together and rubbed them as an evil smile spread across his face. “I’m so ready. Do I get to be best man?”
“Unfortunately, no. That job is reserved for Andy. Sorry.” I shrugged.
“Really?” he whined. “Fine, but I get to plan the bachelor party.”
“Oh, Jesus.” I sighed, dropping my head into my hands.
Viper laughed wickedly and took his phone out.
“What are you doing?” I asked.
Frowning in concentration down at his phone, he moved his fingers back and forth as fast as he could. “Midget strippers. Jell-O wrestling. Camel rides. Booking it all now.” He looked up at me quickly. “You’re not allergic to maple syrup, are you?”
“Oh my God, put the damn phone down.” I rolled my eyes, reaching over and grabbing it from him. I set it on the table in between us. “Let’s not talk about anything wedding, or bachelor party, related for ten minutes, okay?”
“Fine.” He pouted like a child who’d just been scolded.
“So, I haven’t talked to you in a few days. What’s new with you? Seen Darla lately?”
“Actually, yes. We went to a movie Monday night.”
My mouth fell open. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. “Wait. You took her on a date? Like an out-of-the-bedroom date?”
“Yep. I mean, I tried to get her to suck my dick in the theater, but she had a fit. I had no choice but to watch the whole f*cking movie.” He sighed.
“Oh, you poor sex-deprived maniac,” I condescended.
“How you guys doing? You okay?” Joe asked as he walked up to our table. “Need anything?”
“I think we’re still good. Thanks, Joe.” I smiled and nodded at him.
“Joe, did you know this idiot is getting married?” Viper pointed across the table in my direction.
“I did hear something about that this morning.” Joe looked from Viper to me, a smile spreading across his face. “Two hot little blondes were talking about it when I was getting their drinks. I asked who they were talking about and they showed me the paper.”
“This one?” Viper picked it up and showed it to him.
“Yeah, that was it.” He nodded, taking the paper from Viper and examining it closely. “I gotta say, you picked a good one, Brody. Nice little ass on her.” Joe slapped my shoulder in congratulations before he walked away.
I watched Joe walk across the coffee shop until he was behind the counter, out of earshot, and I looked back at Viper. “There’s something wrong with him, you know that?”
Viper laughed and slammed his hand down again so hard it made our cups rattle against the table. “Are you kidding? I love him. He’s a horny old man, my hero. I want to be Joe when I grow up.”
“Be serious. You’re never growing up.” I threw the balled-up napkin back at him.
“You’re right,” he agreed. “No way will you ever catch me putting a diamond on some chick’s finger and getting down on one knee. F*ck that.”
“Come on.” I tilted my head to the side. “Never?”
“Nope. Never. My parents have been married and divorced enough times for me to learn that marriage just doesn’t work.”
He was shaking his head back and forth defiantly, but I knew even he didn’t believe the bullshit he was spewing. Somewhere deep inside that walking hard-on was a man who needed a serious girl to straighten his ass out. I just wasn’t in the mood to argue with him.