“No.” I touch my hand to his face, reassuring him. “You’re not hurting me. I’m just so…so-sorry for hurting you.”
“Shh, babe.” Turning his face in, he presses a kiss to the palm of my hand. “Don’t cry. You’re here now, and that’s all that matters.” Wiping my tears away, he tenderly kisses me. “I love you, Andressa.” He starts to move inside me again, slower this time. “I love you so much.”
We keep our eyes locked together during the whole time he makes love to me. Even when our orgasms rush and collide almost violently and it nearly becomes too much to bear, we don’t break eye contact.
After we’ve come down from our high, framing my face with his hands, he kisses me softly, reverently. Then, slipping out of me, he moves, lying on his side. He brings me over to face him, and hooking my leg over his hip, he holds it there.
“I’ll clean you up soon,” he says. “But right now, I just need to be with you.”
“I need to be with you, too.” I can’t ever imagine not being with him again.
He’s staring into my eyes. I watch as he pulls in a deep breath and exhales it.
“Look, I know you said in the elevator that we should talk, but I don’t want us to rehash all that bad shit. I want it to stay in the past where it belongs. All I will say is…being apart from you, was the hardest fucking thing that I’ve ever had to do. Those were the worst two fucking months of my life. I wanted to come after you so many times. I can’t count the times I had my phone in my hand, ready to call you. I was even at the airport once, ticket in hand, ready to fly to Brazil and beg you to take me back, but I realized it would never be right between us if I did. You had to come back to me. I needed you to come back to me because I had to know that you wanted to be with me. That you feel as strongly for me as I do you. I had to know that you loved me, and the only way I would was if you came back. But I swear to God, Andressa, if you ever fucking leave me again, I’m chasing you, to the ends of the fucking earth if I have to. I’ll never be without you again.”
I touch my fingertips to his cheek as tears prick my eyes again. “You won’t ever have to chase me. I’m not going anywhere, I swear. I’m so sorry I hurt you, that I let my fears get the better of me. But…you have to know that it’s not going to be easy. Those fears I have over you racing…they haven’t gone away. They’re still here. I just finally realized that I couldn’t be without you, fears or not. So, now, I just need to find a way to live with them. And I will,” I promise him.
Cupping my cheek, he touches a thumb to my lips. “We’ll find a way together. We’re a team, babe. Don’t ever forget that.”
“We’re a team.” I love the sound of that.
I smile as he brings his mouth back to mine, brushing his lips softly over mine.
“It’s me and you, babe. You have to conquer something, we do it together. Okay?”
“Okay.” I smile again before curling my fingers into his hair and crushing my lips to his. I softly whisper over them, “Team Ryan and Amaro forever.”
WE’RE HERE FOR THE FINAL RACE OF THE SEASON.
To win the championship, Carrick needs to win this race. He’s on pole position as he came in first in qualifying, but everything rides on today.
I’m nervous for him. And about the race itself.
But I’m dealing. Kind of.
Okay, I’m shit fucking scared. But I’m forcing myself to stay calm. I will not freak out.
I’m not working today. Carrick wouldn’t let me. I don’t know whether that’s a good thing or not, but he said to let Pete finish up this last race, so I’m not worrying over the mechanics of his car. He said he wants me to be relaxed. Well, as relaxed as I can be.
We’ll get through this final race, and then when we go home to England, I’m going to start seeing someone, a therapist, to help with my issues over his racing.
If I want to be with him, I have to learn to deal.
Seeing a therapist was Carrick’s idea, and I agreed with him. He said that he’ll come with me to the sessions. He said if he understands my worries better, then he’ll know how to handle me, if or when I flip out again.
I’m not sure how I feel about being handled, but I suppose I can’t complain if Carrick is doing the handling.
One thing I do feel, oddly enough, is a sense of relief. I’m relieved that he knows how bad it got for me back then and why I left him. I just wish that I’d told him back then, so we wouldn’t have lost those two months together. Hindsight is a great thing.
But it’s all in the past now, and we’re in a good place—a great place. We’ve talked a lot.
And spent a lot of time in bed.
That’s definitely been fun, the making-up part.
Carrick got to meet my mum while we were still in Brazil, and they got along brilliantly. We all had dinner together—me, Carrick, my mum, Uncle John, and Owen. It was a great night. Owen is actually being much nicer to me these days, which is a good thing. He finally trusts me with Carrick, and that means something. Underneath the hard exterior is a good man who loves his son, as any father should.
I hear the announcements start to come up for today’s race. It’s not long before it’s time for Carrick to go out there.
My heart starts to beat a little faster, so I take a calming deep breath.
Formula 1 is missing a man off today’s announcement—Leandro. Thankfully, he survived his crash, but it was touch and go for a while. There was a lot of damage to his body, internal bleeding, but he managed to pull through, and now, he’s on the mend. I’m not sure if he’ll ever race again. For his sake, I hope he does.
Carrick and I went to visit him while he was in the hospital. Leandro didn’t seem like his normal self, but he was still making jokes, so I took that as a positive sign.
Carrick’s on the other side of the garage, talking with Ben, and I’m watching him. Well, I’m staring at his arse. It’s a really nice arse.
Turning, Carrick catches me staring. A smirks spreads across his face, making my cheeks redden. But I up my game and give him a cocky look.
Leaving Ben, Carrick comes over to me. “You checking out the goods?” He places his hands on my waist.
“Maybe. They are good goods.”
He gives me an offended look. “Only good?”
“Okay, the best goods—ever. That better?”
“Much.” He smiles. Brushing my hair from my face, he says in a quieter voice, “You doing okay?”
“I’m a little scared. Announcements freaked me out a bit, but I’m coping,” I answer truthfully.
I made a promise to him that I would always be honest with him, no matter what, and I intend to keep that promise.
“You remember what we talked about?”
“If I start to panic, sit down, take slow calming breaths, and drink some water. No running. Stay put, and wait until you’re back.”
His lips lift as he squeezes my waist. “Petra’s staying with you, right?”
“Yep, she’s my bodyguard.”