“Always so wet for me,” he growls.
Meeting his eyes, I grab his cock through his trousers. “Always so hard for me.”
He pushes himself into my hand. “From the moment I saw you.”
Desire rockets through me.
Leaning in, he sucks my lower lip into his mouth, his finger slowly moving in and out of me. “Tell me to fuck you, Andressa.”
I’m so desperate for him that my body is shaking, yearning to have him inside. I don’t care that I’m in the stairwell at the hotel. I don’t care that anyone could come in and catch us. I don’t care that I shouldn’t be doing this.
I don’t care about anything but having him inside me, making me feel only the way he can. Like no one ever has before.
I nip his lower lip with my teeth, loving the feel of his body’s response to it. “Fuck me, Carrick.”
His eyes flame wild with need. Slipping his finger out of me, he places it in his mouth and sucks me from it, making me feel dizzy with lust.
Holding my eyes, he gets a condom from his pocket. He unzips his trousers, shoving them down over his hips, just enough so that his cock springs free. He rips open the condom with his teeth and deftly rolls it on.
Not once does he look away from my eyes.
Then, his hands go under my thighs, lifting me. He spreads my legs and thrusts up inside me.
“Ah,” I moan, my eyes closing on the feel of him.
My head thuds back against the door as he starts to fuck me, each thrust becoming harder and more insistent than the next.
Moving his lips up my neck to my mouth, he desperately kisses me. “Fuck. I’ve missed this…you, so much,” he pants, his breath mixing with my own.
I’ve missed you, too.
“God, Carrick…I…”
My mind and body are spinning out of control, his pelvis and cock hitting all the right places.
“Come for me. I need to feel you tighten around my cock. Give this to me.”
His hand moves between us, and he rubs my clit with his fingers. Then, I’m blowing apart in his arms, coming hard and fast.
“Fuck…Andressa,” he groans, pressing his forehead to mine, holding my stare.
I feel his cock start to jerk inside me, his body tensing. And I watch with fascination, bordering obsession, as the waves of desire wash through his beautiful eyes. The moment is so intense that I feel like I’m falling.
I’m falling.
And then I’m wishing I could stay here forever. Stay in this moment with him and never leave. Closet it…him…keep him.
I want him. Not just for one day. I want him for all the days.
Then, reality comes crashing down on me, hitting me with the force of a tsunami, and I realize what I’m doing.
Wishing for things I can’t have.
The crash back to earth leaves me feeling breathless, like my chest is cracking under the pressure.
Carrick presses a soft kiss to my lips, jolting my attention back to him.
“Stay with me.” His lips move in soft, tender kisses over my cheek toward my ear, his hand curling around the back of my neck. “I’ll get us a room.”
“Where? Next to the one you have with Sienna.” It’s a shitty thing to say, and I instantly regret it.
Pulling back, he gives me a harsh look, and it makes me feel even worse than I already do.
I can barely meet his eyes. “I can’t stay with you.” I can feel the fear growing in me like a monster, readying to come out of the closet.
I let myself be selfish with Carrick, taking what I wanted with no thought for him or the consequences. I shouldn’t have. It was wrong of me. I know I can’t have him, yet I had sex with him again.
I’m leading him on. I’m not the type of person who does this. I don’t get involved with someone who I can’t give myself to even if just for a short time.
And I can’t give Carrick any of my time. I’m not the right person for him.
I don’t want to hurt him—that’s the last thing I would ever want—but I don’t know what else to do.
God, I hate how weak I am when it comes to him.
And knowing all of this, knowing how much I’ve screwed up with him, makes my panic climb to the highest level, and the worst thing about me when I panic is the person I become, the person I’m not.
“Don’t do this, Andressa…”
He tries to cup my cheek, bring my face back to his, but I do what I do best when I don’t know how to deal, especially with Carrick. I push him away—literally.
He moves back, slipping out of me, and I immensely feel his loss. Almost like he’s taking a part of me with him as he goes.
He yanks up his trousers, fastening them. His movements are rough with suppressed anger.
Ashamed, I move away, pushing my skirt down over my hips, smoothing it out. Bending, I pick up my ruined knickers from off the floor, closing my hand around them.
“I can’t believe you’re doing this again,” he says it so low, so harsh, that I freeze.
I lift my eyes to his, and I hate what I see there. “I’m not doing anything.”
Denial—it’s my best friend and my worst enemy.
“Just fucking don’t.” He stops me with his hand, his lip curling in disdain. “You’re doing exactly what you did in Barcelona, except I’m awake to see it this time.”
Shame lowers my eyes. “I’m…sorry. I just…” I hesitate, stuck on the words that are tearing me to pieces. The words that are going to hurt him. “I’m so sorry…” I whisper. “But…I can’t do this…with you.”
“Can’t do what exactly?” he snaps angrily.
I lift my eyes to his. I owe him that at least. “I can’t…” I pull in a strengthening breath. “I can’t give you any more than what just happened.”
He lets out a short bark of harsh laughter, but I can see the hurt in his eyes, and it’s shredding me to pieces.
“Fucking unbelievable!”
Out of nowhere, a shot of anger bursts through me. “What is it that you want from me?” I cry.
Fury flashes through his eyes. He takes an angry step toward me, backing me up. “Isn’t that already clear? I want you!” Lowering his eyes, he lets out a ragged breath. “I just want…you.”
So many thoughts and feelings hit me at once—fear, exaltation, panic, want, confusion, need.
But the overriding, dominating feeling, as it always is when it comes to Carrick, is fear. Deep-rooted dark fear.
And as always, with my fear comes panic, and panic is in my driving seat.
“I’m sorry…” My lips tremble. “I can’t be with you. You’re just…too big a risk for me to take.”
The look on his face. I never want to see that look on another human being for as long as I live.
He lets out a solemn, bitter laugh. “You know, I really wish I knew what that meant.”
His eyes meet with mine, and the anguish I see in them crushes me to pieces.
“From the moment I met you, Andressa, I thought you were strong, maybe the strongest person I’d ever met, and I admired that about you.” He lets out a staggered breath. “But I’ve come to realize something.” He leans in to me, his face close to mine.