“Uh-uh. No way, missy. Spill. I need something to brighten my morning. I had a shit time last night.”
“Why? What happened?” I lift my head, concern furrowing my brow, knowing she went out with the boys last night.
“Oh, nothing major.” She waves it off. “It was just crap without you there, and Robbie was being a twat, like usual.”
I get a little glow, on the knowledge that she thinks her night would have been better with me there. “You know Robbie fancies you, right?” I grin.
“What? Robbie? No, he doesn’t…does he?” She meets my smiling eyes.
“Of course he does. It’s totally obvious from the way he looks at you all the time, all moon-eyed.”
She gives a little humph. “So, why does he act like a twat around me then?”
“Because…he’s a man.” I give a helpless shrug. I have zero clue as to why men are the way they are.
“Speaking of men and their weird ways—nice diversion tactic with Robbie, by the way—Carrick. Spill. I want deets.”
On a sigh, I say, “Yes, I had sex with him.”
“I knew you wouldn’t be able to resist him! Was he awesome? I’ve heard he fucks like a porn star.”
God, he absolutely does. But I don’t say that. I just stare down at my nicely painted fingernails.
“Oh my God. Was he bad?” She sounds aghast. Her hand is clamped over her mouth, eyes wide.
“No,” I hasten to say. “He was…great. Amazing.” Like nothing I’ve ever known before. “I just…I think I made a mistake by sleeping with him.”
“Why?” She gets out of bed and comes to sit by me. “Was he an arse afterward?”
“No, not at all. He was really sweet in fact, but I just…” I let out a sigh and rub my face.
“Are you worried that you’ll lose your job?”
My eyes widen with the shock of her words, worry hitting me full throttle. “Well, I wasn’t, but I am now. Do you think I’ll lose my job because I slept with him?”
“No,” she quickly says. “Amy only lost her job because it ended up in the news, and it was so close to all the Rich and Charlotte shit going down. There’s no way you’ll lose your job. John wouldn’t let it happen.”
“Yeah, I guess.” I sigh.
“So, what’s worrying you then? I mean, how did you guys leave it?”
“Um…well, we didn’t exactly leave it. Afterward, he asked me to stay, and we fell asleep. Then, I woke up, and Carrick was sleeping, so…I just kinda…left.”
“Oh my God! You snuck out!” She cackles. “Well, that makes a change. A woman sneaking out on Carrick. It’s usually him doing the running.”
I slide a glance to her. “You think he’ll be mad?”
“Nah, he’s…Carrick,” she says his name as though it’s an explanation. “But…he asked you to stay over after you guys had sex?” The tone of her voice has changed to surprise and curiosity.
“Mmhmm.” I start to chew on my thumbnail.
Petra swats at my hand, stopping me.
I give her a look, and then I let out another sigh. “I said I’d leave, so he could get some sleep, but he said he wanted me to stay, so I agreed.”
“Wow…”
“What?”
“Well, from what I’ve heard, Carrick doesn’t ask girls to sleep over. He usually pushes them out the door the second after he’s come.”
“Nice,” I mutter.
But he wasn’t that way with me. If anything, he was sweet.
“Do you think he likes you?”
I shoot her a look.
Do I?
Even if he did, it doesn’t change anything.
“Nah, not like that. I mean, sure he wanted to shag me, but beyond that, we’re just friends. He was probably just being nice because I work for him.”
“He wasn’t nice to Amy or Charlotte.”
“Yeah, but they didn’t work on his team. I keep his car running. Maybe he thought I might cut his brakes if he were a bastard to me.” I grin, but I don’t really feel it inside. Honestly, I don’t know what I feel. Just talking to Petra about this has me all rattled and confused.
Petra chuckles. “I doubt that’s why. I don’t know. He is different with you. I’ve seen the way he looks at you. He might really like you, Andi.”
“No.” I vehemently shake my head. “Carrick’s not into me in that way. He just wanted to shag me.”
She stares at me for a minute with a light in her eyes, and then it dims. “Yeah, you’re probably right. Just me and my romantic notions about taming bad boys. I’m getting carried away. I do love a good love story. But you’re right. Carrick’s not the relationship kind.”
I know it’s true. I all but forced her thoughts in that direction. So, why does hearing her say it bother me so much?
“So, you don’t think he’ll be pissed that I snuck out then?”
“Nah, he’ll be fine. Guys don’t get upset by that sort of stuff. It’s us women who freak out if we wake up and the guy isn’t there. We’re more emotional about sex than they are—well, maybe barring you.”
“Hey!” I playfully push her, making her laugh. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“I just mean, you’re the one who snuck out on Carrick. All the women he’s slept with generally hang in there until the very end, clinging on to the hope that he might offer them a little more.”
“Yeah, well, I’m not like those women. I know who Carrick is and what last night was about. Anyway, I don’t get involved with drivers.” I get up from the bed, and retrieve my phone from my clutch. “I’m gonna hit the shower and then head into the track.”
“Cool. Well, I’m going back to sleep while you have a shower. Wake me up when you’re done, so I can jump in. Gotta go in and prep the food to feed the rich and obnoxious.” She gets up from my bed and climbs back in hers.
I get my necklace from my vanity bag, and take it with me into the bathroom. I shut the door and turn the light on.
I set the shower to hot. Pulling the toilet seat down, I sit on it and stare down at the necklace in my hand.
I might know what last night was, and I might have been the one who left Carrick’s room, but I’m not feeling as easy about it as I just made out to Petra.
It’s affected me. In fact, I’ve never felt so affected by anything…or by someone in my whole life.
Closing my eyes, all I can see is him. I can still smell him on my skin, still feel his touch.
I just wish…
What? What do I want?
Carrick?
I almost laugh out loud at myself.
I’ve been wishing for too many things since Carrick came into my life. That he wasn’t a driver. That I could have him.
This needs to stop.
Taking a deep breath, I steel myself and swipe the screen on my phone, bringing it to life.
Using Google, I type William Wolfe accident into the search engine.
Images of my father’s crash flood my screen.
I feel a pain stab so sharp through my heart that it makes me gasp. But I need to look at these pictures. I need a reminder as to why I can’t have Carrick. He lives a dangerous life, and I can’t go through losing someone I love again.
I can’t risk it.
I need to put a stop to these feelings I have growing inside of me for Carrick.