“Y… yes.”
My chest tightens, and it feels like the air is being sucked out of the room. But I keep it together. I hold it together for her because she needs that right now. I shake my head, my jaw clenching so tightly that my cheeks ache.
“Wrong answer.” My voice comes out gruff and hard with emotion, and I don’t even try to hide it. “You’re fucking wrong if you think that. You’re not ruined. You’re strong as hell. You’re a queen, with four men who would all get on our knees for you. We wouldn’t want you so damn bad if you weren’t steel all the way through, baby girl. You’re not. Fucking. Ruined.”
She just stares at me, and I can’t take the blankness in her expression for another damn second.
So I use my hold on her to haul her closer, then I kiss her hard and fast. I pour all my feeling into it, pressing my lips to hers like I’m trying to breathe life back into her.
Knox moves to stand behind her, helping me hold her up, and let him take some of her weight. Maybe the press of his body along her back will do something to anchor her too.
But there’s no response.
Nothing.
Her lips are stiff and cool against mine, and she doesn’t stop me from kissing her, but she doesn’t kiss back either. Usually, she would melt into Knox’s touch or arch against me, but she just stands there, letting us touch her without doing anything in response, like a broken doll.
“River, please.”
I murmur her name like a prayer, like I’m fucking pleading with some higher power to hear me, even though I’ve never believed in that shit. I believe in her, though. I believe she’s still in there somewhere. I believe she’s strong enough to come back from whatever fucked up place she’s in.
“Please come back to me, baby,” I whisper roughly. “Don’t do this. Don’t let the darkness take you. You’re stronger than this, I know it. Please. Come back to us. We fucking need you.”
If she hears me, she doesn’t show it, and I tighten my hands around her upper arms, like she might disappear if I let go of her. Gripping her so hard that my fingers dig into her skin, I lean down and kiss her again, putting my whole soul into it, everything I’ve got.
Trying to drag her back from the darkness before she’s gone forever.
5
River
Everything feels wrong.
That numb feeling is still there, like there’s a thick pane of glass between me and the rest of the world, keeping me trapped behind it and keeping everything else out.
But slowly, things start to trickle in.
I can hear Gage.
I can feel Knox.
I can feel Gage kissing me. There’s so much emotion in it, so much need. More than I’ve ever felt from him before.
At first, I’m numb to that too. I’m aware of what’s going on, but I don’t feel anything. It’s almost like all my emotions and nerve endings have been shut off.
But Gage doesn’t stop.
He keeps kissing me, something relentless and demanding in his lips. He’s not giving up on me or on this, and I can taste that with every press of his mouth against mine. Knox is behind me, big and hard and warm the way he always is. He keeps me steady, and instead of feeling boxed in or trapped, I feel... safe.
They have me, the two of them, and that starts to wake me up.
It starts like a tingling in my chest, spreading outward slowly and warming my limbs. It feels almost like I was dunked in ice, made numb, and now that I’m between the blazing heat of these two, it’s thawing me out.
Slowly, I reach up and wrap my arms around Gage’s neck.
He makes a soft noise into the kiss and pulls me in even closer, closing the already tiny amount of distance between us. Knox fits himself in closer too, pressing himself all along my back until I’m completely sandwiched between them.
My mouth starts to move with Gage’s, kissing him back. At first it’s almost on autopilot, just going through the motions, but then he bites down on my lower lip and that sends a shower of sparks through me, enough that it spurs me to kiss him back with more passion.
Which urges him on more.
There’s no finesse to it, nothing even particularly sexy or hot. It’s base and animalistic once I really get into it. Like we’re just two people trying to bind ourselves together closer than our physical bodies will let us get.
It’s like I can feel Gage’s soul calling out to mine, drawing me back from the cold and the dark and trying to lead me home. Back to where I belong. It’s easy to follow, to give him that energy back and pour out all I have to him.
His hands start roaming down my back, grabbing my ass, sliding under my shirt. I let my hands move too, sliding over the firm planes of his chest and down to his stomach. It’s like my hands are relearning how to feel, and all they want to touch is Gage.
The kiss gets messier and rougher, teeth colliding with soft lips, and it tinges the kiss with blood. I can hear my heart beating in my head, feel my pulse hammering through my body, and my breathing comes in short, hard pants.
I’m getting worked up, and the heat of it chases away the numb darkness even more, making me feel more than I have since the agony of this afternoon. There’s still a layer of hazy fog between me and the world, but at least as far as Gage and Knox are concerned, I can feel again.
“You’re not ruined,” Gage mutters into the kiss. He pulls back enough that I can feel the heat of his breath against my mouth. “You’re not broken. You’re a fucking warrior, through and through. You hear me, goddammit? You’re strong enough to survive this.”
He says it with so much conviction. Like he believes it beyond a shadow of a doubt. I don’t know if I believe it. I still feel numb to everything but the feel of him and Knox boxing me between them.
The heat between us flares brightly, though, and it feels like the only point of light in the black emptiness that threatens to engulf me. I kiss him harder, blocking out anything else. I grind my hips forward, pressing against the growing hardness I can feel between his legs.
Knox grunts behind me, and I press back against him too, grinding my ass back so I can feel how hard he is in turn. Raw need rises in all three of us, and I can feel it pounding through me, making my heart slam against my ribs.
I’m still teetering on the edge of the darkness, and it’s like I can see the abyss there, deep and unending, waiting to suck me down. But I want to claw my way back. Back to the heat and the light and the men who have me in their hold.
I need this.
I need more than this.
A noise of frustration gets caught in my throat, and then I’m practically climbing Gage’s body. I get my legs around his waist and roll my hips forward, seeking more of that amazing friction. Practically dry humping him as I try to get the bulge of his growing erection to rub where I want it to.
My pussy throbs, needy and empty, and it’s clear it wants to be filled.