“But in a way, it was me paying tribute to the Clan after they died. They weren’t always bad. In the beginning, they were good. Good for mountain lions at least, but mountain lion Clans don’t have a long survival rate. The culture is to fight everything, no matter what. It’s to start shit, no matter what. It’s to kill everything in our territory, and when the males started coming into their own, figuring out their dominance, they started making bad decisions. Decisions that got people hurt. Not just themselves, but innocent people. Humans. Women. My dad and I backed off to the edge of the Clan and stopped going to meetings. All they did there was fuel rage and war…”
Another brush against his face. He winced. What was that? It tickled a little.
“I watch the Wulfe Clan, and they’re so similar to the Old Darby Clan. They’re just getting worse…”
Brush.
Kade smelled Trina’s shampoo. Her favorite flavor was mango, so her hair always smelled like it. Relief washed through him. Trina was okay. She was right here beside him where he could keep her safe. He just needed to remember how to use his damn fingers again so he could stroke her hair like she was stroking his face. Kade eased his eyes open and came nose to hair with Trina. She was leaned against his bed, her head right beside him, relaxed as she talked and petted him.
Petted him.
Kade tried to frown but his face didn’t work right. What the fuck? He forced air past his vocal cords, but a soft whine came out. What the fuck, what the actual fuck? He was a wolf? He was a wolf, but Trina was right here and he could hurt her. Trina! “Trin,” he growled in his wolf voice he hated so much. “Run.”
Trina gasped and then looked right at him, hope endless in her pretty green eyes. “Kade?” When he didn’t respond because he couldn’t, she repeated louder, “Kade?”
She tugged at his ears and hugged his neck. Please don’t hurt her, please don’t hurt her he begged the wolf over and over, but the wolf was quiet as he whispered in his mind, “I would never hurt her. She’s ours.” The last word drew out, and the voice in his head faded away.
Kade laid there panting, waiting for the wolf to come back with a “just kidding” and attack Trina, but he didn’t. He just sat there inside him, watching her eyes fill up with tears.
“You love me,” he growled.
She ran her hand over his face over and over. “I love you very much.”
“Ride or die,” he huffed on a breath.
“Always. We’re a team, you and me.” She gripped the fur on his cheeks and rested her forehead against his. “Don’t do that to me ever again. You scared me.”
He’d never been so present in this form before. So aware. So in control.
He didn’t even want to think about Changing, but he had to know if he could. Had to. Before Kade could change his mind, he closed his eyes and imploded. He pushed the Change as fast and as hard as he could, gritting his teeth against the agony. His snarl of pain turned into a grunt, and then he clutched the comforter in his closed fists, his body shaking for a minute before he could think straight again. He was drenched in sweat, exhausted, his bandages shredded, and his shoulder smelled like blood again.
“Why are you smiling like that?” Ethan asked from the open doorway where he, Rike, Leah, and Bailey were piled.
Trina had backed away from him a few feet, but she was grinning, too. “Because he Changed on purpose.”
Ethan and Rike exchanged glances. They looked surprised. They looked…proud. Ethan asked, “You good, man?”
“Yeah.” He nodded, his eyes on Trina. “I’m good.”
“Okay,” Rike murmured, lingering as the others made their way back into the hallway. “Well…” He cleared his throat and looked down at the floor, scuffed it with the toe of his riding boot. “I’m really glad you didn’t croak.” Rike slammed the door behind him and could be heard stomping down the hallway behind the others.
What was this feeling? Belonging?
“You got good people, Kade,” Trina murmured. God, she looked pretty in his Harley shirt and those little cutoff shorts. No shoes, just long fair legs curled up under her.
With a grunt, Kade pushed himself up and sat on the edge of the bed, gripping the mattress. “My insides feel like hamburger.”
“Well, you got shot, ran around the woods for a while, and tried to fight me. Then you almost died while Ethan and Hairpin Trigger dug metal out of your body.”
“Trigger was here?”
“Yeah, I’m guessing Kurt called him in because a grizzly is about the only thing that stands a chance against you when you’re pissed. When I was a kid, my dad told me something I’ll never forget. It’s played in my mind every time I liked a boy. It plays in my mind now.”
“What did he say?”
“He told me ‘Trina, whatever you do, don’t pick a weak man.’ And that defined me for a long time. It defined my relationships. I ended relationships at the first sign they couldn’t handle me, my life, or the animal inside me. And then along came you—big badass wolf.” She shook her head slowly. “There’s nothing weak about you.”
Kade huffed a laugh and dropped his gaze to the floorboards. “Woman, I’m bleeding everywhere, I can barely move, and I feel like I’ve been hit by a fuckin’ semi. There’s nothing strong about me at the moment.”
“Wrong. You shouldn’t be alive, but here you are crackin’ jokes and controlling a side of you that’s ruled your entire life.”
“Says the girl who chose a werewolf. Says the girl who survived countless broken bonds. Says the girl who lost her mom, controlled a mountain lion since birth, and never once acted like the victim of circumstance. Says the girl who won’t quit on a man who doesn’t deserve her devotion. You’re fearless. Strongest woman I’ve ever met.”
She canted her head, rocked upward, then stood and padded silently over to him. Gently, she climbed on his lap and squeezed her knees around his hips, slid her arms around his neck, her touch as soft as a breeze.
“I have a theory.”
He gripped her hips and rocked her against him. “Tell me your theory.”
“I think I went through all of that so I could be built into the exact right shape to match your rough edges. I think I had to go through all of that to make me strong for you.”
Kade smiled. “Then I went through a lifetime of insanity to be strong enough to match you someday.”
“You never stopped trying, did you, Kade?”
He gripped her hips and rocked her against his hardening dick and shook his head. “Not even for a day.”
“Strong mate,” she whispered, brushing her finger down his cheek.
Felt good. Felt so fuckin’ good. He leaned into her touch, kissed her wrist, then latched his teeth onto it. Someday he was going to cut her hand, and ask her to cut his in return. Someday, when he knew he could be steady, after he took care of the threats from the Wulfe Clan. After he made sure she was safe from the world and from him, he was going to claim her. In his head, he already had, but she deserved the ceremony.
Trina Luna Chapman. His best friend, his obsession, his mate, his prey, his lady. She was brave enough to pick a monster and stick right there beside him no matter what. Even if it hurt her. Even if she’d been burned before, and that was the bravest thing—to give your heart to someone after being demolished.
She’d given him the gift of herself. She was medicine when he’d lived his entire life thinking there was no balm for the evil inside of him. He was changed from the inside out because she’d believed in him. She’d picked him and waited patiently while he rose up and fixed the shit that was hurting her. She’d never once made him feel bad for the wolf. She’d pointed at him and said, “Even if this is as good as you get, I accept you.” And she made it his choice to stay stagnant or rise up and deserve her love. To become a better man for her.
She deserved safety.
She deserved fealty.
Protection.
Devotion.
To know that she was loved.
Trina deserved the world.
And he was going to work for the rest of his life to give it to her.
Chapter Seventeen
She really should let him have his space and recover, but Trina had been so scared at the thought of never touching him again or hugging him again that she couldn’t peel herself off him to save her life. So here she sat, straddling his lap, redoing the bandages he’d ripped off during his Change.