Cal stares down at me, confused.
“Sorry,” I mumble, shaking my head. “Just thinking.”
He nods, looking almost apologetic. “About your family?”
The words hit me like a slap. They hadn’t even crossed my mind in the last few hours and it sickens me. A few hours of silk and royalty have already changed me.
“I’ve sent a conscript release for your brothers and your friend, and an officer to your house, to tell your parents where you are,” Cal continues, thinking this might calm me. “We can’t tell them everything, though.”
I can only imagine how that went. Oh, hello. Your daughter is a Silver now and she’s going to marry a prince. You’ll never see her again but we’ll send you some money to help out. Even trade, don’t you think?
“They know you work for us and have to live here, but they still think you’re a servant. For now, at least. When your life becomes more public, we’ll figure out how to deal with them.”
“Can I write to them at least?” Shade’s letters were always a bright spot in our dark days. Maybe mine will be the same.
But Cal shakes his head. “I’m sorry, that’s just not possible.”
“I didn’t think so.”
He ushers me into my room, which quickly sparkles to life. Motion-activated lights, I think. Like back in the hallway, my senses sharpen and everything electrical becomes a burning feeling in my mind. Immediately I know there are no less than four cameras in my room and it makes me squirm.
“It’s for your own protection. If anyone were to intercept the letters, to find out about you—”
“Are the cameras in here for my own protection?” I ask, gesturing to the walls. The cameras stab into my skin, watching every inch of me. It’s maddening and after a day like today, I don’t know how much more I can take. “I’m locked in this nightmare palace, surrounded by walls and guards and people who will tear me to shreds, and I can’t even get a moment’s peace in my own room.”
Instead of snapping back at me, Cal looks bewildered. His eyes blaze around. The walls are bare, but he must be able to sense them too. How can anyone not feel the eyes pressing down?
“Mare, there aren’t any cameras in here.”
I wave a hand at him, dismissive. The electrical hum still breaks against my skin. “Don’t be stupid. I can feel them.”
Now he truly looks lost. “Feel them? What do you mean?”
“I—” But the words die in my throat as I realize: he doesn’t feel anything. He doesn’t even know what I’m saying. How can I explain this to him, if he doesn’t already know? How can I tell him I feel the energy in the air like a pulse, like another part of me? Like another sense? Would he even understand?
Would anyone?
“Is that—not normal?”
Something flickers in his eyes as he hesitates, trying to find the words to tell me I’m different. Even among the Silvers, I’m something else.
“Not to my knowledge,” he finally says.
My voice sounds small, even to me. “I don’t think anything about me is normal anymore.”
He opens his mouth to speak, but thinks better of it. There’s nothing he can say to make me feel better. There’s nothing he can do for me at all.
In the fairy tales, the poor girl smiles when she becomes a princess. Right now, I don’t know if I’ll ever smile again.