Chapter 96
I PUT MY hands on the straps of her camisole and pulled them down onto her shoulders. No farther than that. Just a tease.
Colleen kept smiling as she unbuckled my belt and stripped off my clothes. Then she sat me down, took off my shoes and socks, and pushed me back onto her bed.
“God, I do love that body,” she said. “I do. God save me.”
This wasn’t what I had expected when I rang her doorbell, but there I was, naked on flowered sheets, watching Colleen tug the clips out of her hair. That curtain of fragrant black silk fell around her shoulders, covering, then revealing her breasts.
She bent over me, hair tickling my face, and she kissed me deeply and for a long time. It was glorious. She slid into the bed and wriggled against me, her cool skin sliding across mine, pulling away, then pressing against me.
I had my hands around her narrow hips—felt a prick of high heels at the small of my back—and then I was inside her.
My mind emptied, thoughts of sleep having burned away completely. Love poured in and filled my heart, love and gratitude and ecstasy and then, after maybe ten minutes of this, release—for both of us. I moved off Colleen’s body and sank into the bed.
The sweat began to dry on my skin, and unbelievably, Colleen began to cry.
I felt a flash of regret. I couldn’t take any more this day, not another thing, but the feeling dissolved, replaced by shame and then compassion for Colleen.
I gathered her into my arms and held her as she sobbed quietly against my chest. “Colleen, what is it?”
She shook her head no.
“Sweetie, tell me what it is. I want to hear it. I’m right here.”
Colleen struggled out of my arms. Shoes flew, banged into the corner. The bathroom door opened, and I heard water running. Minutes later, Colleen came out in a long sleep shirt and got into the bed.
“I’ve made a right fool of meself,” she said.
“Talk to me. Please.”
She lay on her back, staring up at the ceiling. I put my hand across her belly.
“It’s hard, Jack. This—leaves me so sad sometimes. I see you at midnight some random nights. I work with you at the office. And in between?”
“I’m sorry.”
I couldn’t say that things would change. We were smack up against the wall, and I had to tell the truth.
“This is all I’ve got, Colleen. I can’t move in. I can’t marry you. This has to stop.”
“You don’t love me, do you, Jack?”
I sighed. Colleen hugged me as I stroked her hair. “I do. But not the way you need.”
I felt as heartsick as she felt, and then I had to disengage from her embrace.
“Stay, Jack. I’m okay now. It’s Sunday morning. A bright new day.”
“I’ve got to go home and get some sleep. I’m working today…. This NFL thing is about to blow. My uncle is depending on me. I gave him my promise.”
“I see.”
I gathered my clothes from the floor and dressed in the dark. Colleen was staring at the ceiling when I kissed her good-bye.
“You’re not a bad person, Jack. You’ve always been honest with me. You’re always straight. Have a good day for yourself, now.”