Chapter Seventeen
“So what’s the damage?” Lake asks Dr. Bradshaw.
“To what? You?” He laughs as he slowly unwraps the bandage from around her head.
“To my hair,” she says. “How much did you chop off?”
“Well,” he says. “We did have to cut through your skull, you know. We tried to save as much hair as we could, but we were faced with a pretty tough decision…it was either your hair or your life.”
She laughs. “Well I guess I’ll forgive you, then.”
***
As soon as we get home from the doctor, she heads straight for the shower to wash her hair. She’s been dying to wash her hair. I’m pretty comfortable with leaving her home now, so I go pick up the boys. I forgot they were staying an hour after school, so I text Lake to let her know I’ll be late. The school talent show is tomorrow night and the students who signed up to perform get to stay and practice. Kiersten and Caulder both signed up, but neither of them are giving us hints as to what they’re doing. I’ve given Kiersten copies of all my poems. She says she needed them for research. I didn’t argue. There’s just something about Kiersten you don’t argue with.
When the boys and I finally get home, Lake is still in the bathroom. I know she’s tired of me babying her, but I check on her anyway. The fact that she’s been in there so long worries me. When I knock on the door, she tells me to go away. She doesn’t sound happy, which just means I’m not going away.
“Lake open the door,” I say. I jiggle the door knob but it’s locked.
“Will, I just need a minute,” she sniffs.
She’s crying.
“Lake. Open the door!” I’m really worried now. I know how stubborn she is and if she hurt herself she’s probably trying to hide it. I beat on the door and shake the door knob again.
It’s quiet. She doesn’t respond. “Lake!” I yell.
The door knob turns and the door slowly opens. She’s staring down at the floor, crying. “I’m okay,” she says. She wipes at her eyes with a wad of toilet paper. “You really need to quit freaking out, Will.”
I step into the bathroom and hug her. “Why are you crying?”
She pulls away from me and shakes her head, then sits down on the seat in front of the bathroom mirror. “It’s stupid,” she says.
“Are you in pain? Does your head hurt?”
She shakes her head and wipes at her eyes again. She brings her arm up and pulls the rubber band out of her hair and it falls down over her shoulder. “It’s my hair.”
Her hair. She’s crying about her damn hair! I breathe a sigh of relief. “It’ll grow back, Lake. It’s okay.” I walk around behind her and pull her hair away from her shoulders to her back. She’s got an area on the back of her head that’s been shaved. It can’t be covered up, because it’s smack dab in the middle of her hair. I run my fingers over it. “I think you would look cute with short hair. Wait ‘till it grows out some more and you can get it cut.”
She shakes her head. “That’ll take forever. I’m not going anywhere like this. I’m not leaving this house for another month,” she says.
I know she doesn’t mean it, but I still hate that she’s so upset. “I think it’s beautiful,” I say, running my fingers over her scar. “It’s what saved your life.” I reach around her and open the cabinet doors underneath the sink.
“What are you doing? You aren’t cutting the rest of my hair off, Will.”
I reach inside and pull out the black box that contains my hair trimmers. “I’m not cutting your hair,” I say. I plug in the cord and take off the guard and turn it on. I reach behind my head and press it against the back of my hair and make a quick swipe. When I bring it back around, I pull the pieces of my hair out and toss them in the trashcan.
“There. Now we match,” I say.
She swings around in her seat. “Will! What the hell? Why’d you just do that?”
“It’s just hair, Babe.” I smile at her.
She brings her wad of toilet paper back up to her eyes and turns back around, looking at our reflection in the mirror. She shakes her head and laughs.
“You look ridiculous,” she says.
“So do you.”
***
Other than going to the doctor yesterday, tonight is Lake’s first time out of the house. After the talent show, Sherry is watching the boys for a few hours so we can have a date. Of course, Lake got upset when I told her about our date. “You never ask me, you always tell me,” she whined. So of course I had to get down on my knee and ask her out. And of course, I’m keeping her in the dark again. She has no clue what I have planned for tonight. No clue.
Eddie and Gavin are already inside with Sherry and David when we arrive. I let Lake sit next to Eddie and I take the seat next to Sherry. Lake was able to pull her hair back into a ponytail and hide most of her scar. I’m not so lucky.
“Ummm…Will? Is this some sort of new trend I’m not aware of?” Sherry asks when she sees my hair.
Lake laughs. “See? You look ridiculous.”
Sherry leans into me and whispers. “Can you give me a hint as to what Kiersten’s doing tonight?”
I shrug. “I don’t know what she’s doing. I’m assuming it’s a poem. She didn’t read it to you guys?”
Sherry and David both shake their heads. “She’s been pretty secretive about it,” David says.
“So has Caulder,” I say. “And I have no idea what he’s up to. I don’t even think he has a talent.”
The curtain opens and Principal Brill walks up to the microphone and does her introductions to kick off the evening. With every child that performs, there’s a different parent holding a video camera at the front of the audience. Why didn’t I bring my camera? I’m an idiot. A real parent would have brought a camera. Right when Kiersten is finally called to the stage, Lake reaches inside her purse and pulls out a camera. Of course she does.
Principal Brill introduces Kiersten, then walks off the stage. Kiersten doesn’t look nervous at all. She really is a miniature version of Eddie. There’s a small sack draped over her wrist with the cast. She lifts her good arm to lower the microphone.
“I’m doing something tonight called a slam. It’s a type of poetry that I was introduced to this year by a friend of mine. Thank you, Will.”
I smile.
Kiersten takes a deep breath and says, “My poem tonight is called ‘Butterfly you.’”
Lake and I both look at each other. I know she’s thinking the same thing I’m thinking, which is, “Oh, no.”
“Butterfly.
What a beautiful word
What a delicate creature.
Delicate like the cruel words that flow right out of your mouths
and the food that flies right out of your hands…
Does it make you feel better?
Does it make you feel good ?
Does picking on a girl make you more of a man?
Well, I’m standing up for myself
Like I should have done before
I’m not putting up with your
Butterfly anymore.”
(Kiersten slides the sack off her wrist and opens it, pulling out a handful of hand-made butterflies. She takes the microphone out of the stand and begins walking down the stairs as she continues speaking.)
“I’d like to extend to others what others have extended to me.”
(She walks up to Mrs. Brill first and holds out a butterfly)
“Butterfly you, Mrs. Brill.”
(Mrs. Brill smiles at her and takes the butterfly out of her hands. Lake laughs out loud and I have to nudge her to get her to be quiet. Kiersten walks around the room, passing out butterflies to several of the students, including the three from the lunchroom.)
“Butterfly you, Mark.
Butterfly you, Brendan.
Butterfly you, Colby.”
(When she finishes passing out the butterflies, she walks back onto the stage and places the microphone back into the stand.)
“I have one thing to say to you
And I’m not referring to the bullies
Or the ones they pursue.
I’m referring to those of you that just stand by
The ones who don’t take up for those of us that cry
Those of you who just…turn a blind eye.
After all it’s not you it’s happening to
You aren’t the one being bullied
And you aren’t the one being rude
It isn’t your hand that’s throwing the food
But…it is your mouth not speaking up
It is your feet not taking a stand
It is your arm not lending a hand
It is your heart
Not giving a damn.
So take up for yourself
Take up for your friends
I challenge you to be someone
Who doesn’t give in.
Don’t give in.
Don’t let them win.”
As soon as ‘damn’ comes out of Kiersten’s mouth, Mrs. Brill is marching onto the stage. Luckily, Kiersten finishes her poem and rushes off the stage before Mrs. Brill reaches her. The audience is in shock. Well, most of the audience. Everyone on our row is giving her a standing ovation.
As Mrs. Brill announces the next performance and we take our seats, Sherry whispers to me, “I didn’t get the whole ‘butterfly’ thing, but the rest of it was so good.”
“Yeah it was,” I agree. “It was butterflying excellent.”
Caulder is called onto the stage next. He looks nervous. I’m nervous for him. Lake’s nervous, too. I wish I knew what he was doing so I could have given him some advice before he got up there. Lake zooms the camera in and focuses it on Caulder. I take a deep breath, hoping he can get through it without cussing. Mrs. Brill already has her eye on us. Caulder walks to the microphone and introduces his talent.
“I’m Caulder. I’m also doing a slam tonight. It’s called ‘Suck and sweet.’”
Oh no, here we go again.
I’ve had a lot of sucks in life
A lot
My parents died almost four years ago, right after I turned seven
With every day that goes by I remember them less and less
Like my mom…I remember that she used to sing.
She was always happy,
always dancing.
Other than what I’ve seen of her in pictures, I don’t really remember what she looks like.
Or what she smells like
Or what she sounds like
And my Dad
I remember more things about him, but only because I thought he was the most amazing man in the world.
He was smart. He knew the answer to everything.
And he was strong.
And he played the guitar.
I used to love lying in bed at night, listening to the music coming from the living room.
I miss that the most.
His music.
After they died, I went to live with my grandma and grandpaul.
Don’t get me wrong…I love my grandparents.
But I loved my home even more.
It reminded me of them.
Of my mom and dad.
My brother had just started college the year they died.
He knew how much I wanted to be home.
He knew how much it meant to me,
so he made it happen.
I was only seven at the time, so I let him do it.
I let him give up his entire life just so I could be home.
Just so I wouldn’t be so sad.
If I could do it all over again, I would have never let him take me.
He deserved a shot, too. A shot at being young.
But sometimes when you’re seven, the world isn’t in 3-D.
So,
I owe a lot to my brother.
A lot of ‘thank you’s’
A lot of ‘I’m sorry’s’
A lot of ‘I love you’s’
I owe a lot to you, Will
For making the sucks in my life a little less suckier
And my sweet?
My sweet is right now.
I wonder if a person can cry too much? If so, I’m definitely reaching my quota this month. I stand up and make my way past Sherry and David and out into the aisle. When Caulder walks down the steps to the stage, I pick him up and give him the biggest damn hug I’ve ever given him.
“I love you, Caulder.”
***
We don’t stay for the awards. The kids are excited to be spending the evening with Sherry and David, so they were all in a hurry to leave. Kiersten and Caulder didn’t seem to care who won, which made me a little proud. After all, I’ve been drilling Allan Wolf’s quote into Kiersten’s head every time I give her advice about poetry. “The points are not the point; the point is poetry.”
After David and Sherry drive away with the boys, Lake and I walk to the car and I open the door for her.
“Where are we eating? I’m hungry,” she says.
I don’t answer her. I shut her door and walk around to the driver’s side. I reach into the backseat and grab two sacks out of the floorboard and hand one to her. “We don’t have time to stop and eat. I made us grilled cheese.”
She grins when she opens her sack and pulls out her sandwich and soda. I can tell by the look on her face that she remembers. I was hoping she would remember.
“We have a pretty long drive,” I say. “I know a game we can play, it’s called ‘would you rather.’ Have you ever played it before?”
She smiles at me and nods. “Just once, with this really hot guy. But it was a long time ago. Maybe you should go first to refresh my memory.”
“Okay. But first, there’s something I need to do.” I open my console and pull out the blindfold. “Our destination is sort of a surprise, so I need you to put this on.”
“You’re blindfolding me? Seriously?” She rolls her eyes and leans forward.
I wrap it around her head and adjust it over her eyes. “There. Don’t peek.” I put the car in drive and pull out of the parking lot, then ask the first question. “Okay. Would you rather I looked like Hugh Jackman or George Clooney?”
“Johnny Depp,” she says.
She answers a little too fast for my comfort. “What the hell, Lake? You’re supposed to say Will! You’re supposed to say you want me to look like me!”
“But you weren’t one of the options,” she says.
“Neither was Johnny Depp!”
She laughs. “My turn. Would you rather have constant, uncontrollable belching or would you rather have to bark every time you heard the word the?”
“Bark as in like a dog?”
“Yeah.”
“Uncontrollable belching,” I say.
“Oh gross." She wrinkles up her nose. "I could live with your barking, but I don’t know about the constant belching.”
“Well in that case, I change my answer. My turn again. Would you rather be abducted by aliens or have to go on tour with Nickelback?”
“I’d rather be abducted by The Avett Brothers.”
“Wasn't an option."
She laughs. “Fine, aliens. Would you rather be an old, rich man with only one year left to live? Or a young, poor, sad man with fifty years left to live?”
“I’d rather be Johnny Depp.”
She laughs. “You suck at this,” she teases.
I reach over and interlock fingers with her. She’s leaning back into the seat laughing without a clue in the world where we’re headed. She’s about to be pissed…but hopefully only for a little while. I drive around a bit longer while we continue our game. I could honestly play this game all night with her, but I don’t. We eventually pull up to our destination and I hop out of the car. I open her door and help her stand up.
“Hold my hands. I’ll lead.”
“You're making me nervous, Will. Why do you always have to be so secretive when it comes to our dates?”
“I’m not secretive, I just love surprising you. A little bit further and I’ll let you take off your blindfold.” We walk inside and I position her exactly where I want her. I can’t help but smile, knowing how she's about to react once I take off her blindfold. “I’m about to take it off, but before I do…just remember how much you love me, okay?”
“I can’t make any promises,” she says.
I reach behind her and untie the blindfold and remove it from her eyes. She opens them and looks around. Yep, she’s pissed.
“What the hell, Will! You brought me on a date to your house again? Why do you always do this?”
I laugh. “I’m sorry.” I throw the blindfold on the coffee table and put my arms around her. “It's just that some things don't need to be done on a stage. Some things need to be private. This is one of them.”
“What is one of them?” She looks nervous.
I kiss her on the forehead. “Sit down, I’ll be right back.” I motion for her to sit on the couch, so she does.
I go to my bedroom and reach into the closet and pull out her surprise. I stick it in my pocket and walk back to the living room. I turn on the stereo and set I & Love & You on repeat; it’s her favorite song.
“You better tell me now, before I start crying again…does this have anything to do with my mom? Because you said the stars were the last thing.”
“They were the last thing, I promise.” I sit down beside her on the couch and take her hand in mine, looking her straight in the eyes. “Lake, I have something to say and I want you to hear me out without interrupting me, okay?”
“I’m not the one that interrupts,” she says, defensively.
“See? Right there. Don’t do that.”
She laughs. “Fine. Talk.”
I start to say what I need to say, but something just doesn't feel right. I don't like how we're so formally seated. It's not us. I grab her leg and arm and pull her onto my lap. She straddles me, wrapping her legs around my back. She hangs her hands loosely around my neck and looks me in the eyes. I start to speak again, but I’m cut off.
"Will?"
"You're interrupting me, Lake."
She gives me a half smile and brings her hands to my face. "I love you," she says. "Thank you for taking such good care of me."
She's sidetracking me, but it's nice. I slowly slide my hands up her arms and rest them on her shoulders. "You would do the same for me, Lake. It's what we do."
She smiles. A tear makes its way down her cheek, and she doesn't even try to hold it back. "Yep," she says. "It's what we do."
I take her hands in mine and bring her palms to my lips and kiss them. “Lake, you mean the world to me. You brought so much to my life…right when I needed it the most. I wish you could know how hopeless I was before I met you, so you would realize just how much you've changed me."
"I do know, Will. I was hopeless too."
"You're interrupting again."
She grins and shakes her head. "I don't care."
I laugh and push her down onto the couch and climb on top of her. I press my hands into the couch beside her head to hold myself up. "Do you have any idea how much you frustrate me sometimes?"
"Is that a rhetorical question? Because you just told me to stop interrupting you, so I'm not sure if you want me to answer it."
“Oh my god, you’re impossible, Lake. I can’t even get two sentences out!”
She laughs and grabs the collar of my shirt. "I'm listening," she whispers. "Promise."
I start to believe her, but as soon as I begin to speak again she crushes her lips to mine. For a moment, I forget what my whole point to tonight is. I'm suddenly consumed by the taste of her mouth and the feel of her hands making their way up my back. I lower my body onto hers and let her sidetrack me some more. After several minutes of intense sidetracking, I'm somehow able to tear myself away from her grasp and sit back up on the couch.
"Dammit, Lake. Are you gonna let me do this or not?” I take her hands and pull her up to a sitting position, then I get off the couch and kneel down on the floor in front of her.
Until this moment, I don't think she had any clue what tonight was about. She looks at me with a mixture of emotions in her expression. Fear, hope, excitement, apprehension. I'm sharing those exact same emotions with her. I take her hands in mine and take a deep breath.
"I told you the stars were the last gift from your mother, and technically they were."
"Wait, technically?" she says. She realizes she's interrupting me again when I glare at her. "Oh yeah, sorry." She puts her finger to her mouth, indicating she isn't going to say anything else.
"Yes, technically. I said the stars were the last thing she gave us, and they were. But she gave me one star that isn't in the vase. She wanted me to give it to you when I was ready. When you were ready. So…I hope you're ready."
I put my hand in my pocket and pull out the star. I slowly unfold the paper and when I do, the ring slides out and into my hand. When she sees her mother's wedding ring, her hands go up to her mouth and she sucks in a deep breath.
"I know we’re young, Lake. We've got an entire lifetime ahead of us to do things like get married. But sometimes things in people's lives don’t happen in chronological order like they should. Especially in our lives. Our chronological order got mixed up a long time ago."
I take her hand in mine. She holds out her finger and her hands are shaking…but so are mine. I slide the ring onto her finger. It's a perfect fit. She wipes my tears away with her free hand and kisses me on the forehead. Her lips come a little too close to mine, so I have to pause what I'm saying and kiss them. She puts her hand on the back of my head and closes her lips over mine as she slides off the couch and into my lap. I lose my balance and we fall back. She doesn't let go of my head, and our lips never separate while she continues to give me the absolute best kiss she’s ever given me.
"I love you, Will," she mutters into my mouth. "I love you, I love you, I love you."
I gently pull her face away from mine. "I'm not finished yet," I laugh. "Stop butterflying interrupting me!" I roll her over onto her back and prop myself up on my elbow beside her.
She starts kicking her legs up and down in a fit. "Hurry up and ask me already, I'm dying here!"
I shake my head and laugh. "That's just it, Lake. I'm not asking you to marry me…"
Before I can even get the rest of my sentence out, a look of horror washes across her face. I immediately put my finger to her lips and shush her before she interrupts me again.
"I know how you liked to be asked and not told. But I'm not asking you to marry me." I roll on top of her and lean in as close as I can while still looking her in the eyes. I lower my voice to a whisper. "I'm telling you to marry me, Lake…because I can't live without you."
She starts crying again…and laughing. She's laughing and crying and kissing me, all at the same time. We both are.
"I was so wrong," she says between kisses. "Sometimes a girl loves to be told."
***
"Are you knocked up?" Eddie asks Lake.
"No, Eddie. That would be you."
We're all sitting in the living room. Lake couldn't wait to tell Eddie so she called her immediately to tell her the news. Eddie and Gavin were here within an hour.
"Don't get me wrong, I'm super excited for you. I just don't get it. Why so sudden? March 2nd is only two weeks away."
Lake looks at me and winks. She's snuggled up next to me, sitting on her feet. I lean in and kiss her lips. Like I said, I can't help it.
Lake turns back to Eddie and answers her. "Why would I want a traditional wedding, Eddie? Nothing about our lives is traditional. None of our parents would be there. You and Gavin would be our only guests. Will's grandparents probably wouldn't even show up…his grandmother hates me."
"Oh, I forgot to tell you," I say. "My grandmother actually likes you. A lot. It's me she wasn't really happy with."
"Really?" Lake says. "How do you know?"
"She told me."
"Huh." She smiles. "That's nice to know."
"See?" Eddie says. "They'll show up. So will Sherry and David. That's nine people right there."
Lake rolls her eyes at Eddie. "Nine people? You expect us to pay for an entire wedding for nine people?"
Eddie sighs and falls onto Gavin’s lap in a defeated slump. "I guess you're right. It's just that I was looking forward to planning a big wedding someday.”
"Well, you can still plan your own," she says. Lake looks at Gavin. "How many more minutes until you propose, Gavin?"
Gavin doesn't skip a beat. "About three hundred thousand or so."
"See, Eddie? Besides, I still need you to do my hair and makeup,” Lake says. "We need witnesses, too. You and Gavin can come and Kel and Caulder will be there."
Eddie smiles. She finally seems a little more excited once she finds out she’s invited.
I was hesitant at first with Lake's plan, too. But after hearing her logic…and especially after hearing how much money it would save us not having a wedding, I was easily convinced. The date of the marriage was a given.
"What about the houses? Which one will you guys live in?" Gavin says.
Lake looks at me and nods. We've been talking about it for two weeks now, even before the proposal tonight. After having her stay here, we both knew it would be impossible to live in separate houses again. We came up with the plan about a week ago, but tonight seems like the perfect night to share it.
"That's one of the reasons we wanted you guys to come over," I say. "I had about three years left on my mortgage and no less than two weeks after Julia passed away, the title came in the mail. She paid it off before she died. She paid the rent on Lake's house through September, that's when her lease is up. So now we'll have an empty house with six months of pre-paid rent. We know you guys are looking for a place before the baby comes…so we're offering you Lake's. Until September, anyway...then you'll have to sign your own lease."
Neither one of them says anything. They just look at us in shock. Gavin shakes his head and starts to protest. Eddie slaps her hand over his mouth and turns to me. "We'll take it! We'll take it, we'll take it, we'll take it!" She starts clapping and jumps up and hugs Lake, then hugs me. "Oh my god you guys are the best friends ever! Aren't they Gavin?"
He smiles, not really wanting to appear desperate, but I know how much they need a place of their own. Eddie's excitement eventually outweighs Gavin’s modesty and he can no longer contain himself. He hugs Lake, then hugs me, then hugs Eddie, then hugs me again. When they finally calm down and sit back down on the couch, Gavin's smile fades.
“Do you know what this means?" he says to Eddie. “Kirsten's about to be our parallel neighbor."
Friday, March 2nd, 2012.
It’s worth all the aches,
All the tears,
the mistakes…
The heart of a man and a woman in love?
It’s worth all of the pain in the world.