I wasn’t a clueless virgin. My V-card had been stamped with my first and last long-term boyfriend at age sixteen. Since coming to Portland, I’d indulged in the odd date. Why wouldn’t I? I was young and free. I enjoyed sex. Thoughts of mounting a half-naked man on a wingback chair? Not so much.
I was out of control. No way could I let him know this, however.
“It’s okay, pumpkin. I don’t mind you pawing at me. If that’s how you feel the need to express your affection, that’s cool.”
“Mal.” This was going from bad to worse. I don’t even know why I started laughing. “Please stop talking. I need a minute. Consider this a boundary.”
His eyes lit with delight. “Hey, you’ve been thinking about what I said. That’s great. I respect your boundary, Anne.”
“Then why are you still talking?”
“Right. Sorry.”
I tried to find my calm. Why had I never made time for yoga? Deep breathing exercises would have been so useful.
When I opened my eyes, Mal smiled back at me serenely. The arrogant jerk. So confident. So hot. And so damn shirtless. What was with that? It was fall in Portland, cool weather, raining on and off. Normal people wore clothes this time of year.
“Can you put a shirt on?”
He scratched at his chin. “Mm, no. That’s my boundary, sorry. I like your sexy looks too much to get dressed.”
Crap, was I making crazy eyes?
“You’re perfect,” he muttered, smirk firmly in place.
Damn it, I was.
“What do you think my needs are, Anne?”
“I’m aware you’re talking about sex, Mal. That’s kind of obvious. But why, out of all the women at your disposal, would you choose me? That I don’t understand. And why you would move yourself in with me, I don’t really get that either. You could have gone to a hotel or rented a place of your own much nicer than here.”
“Noooo.” He slumped back in the seat, laying his meshed fingers on his flat belly. “I’m not talking about sex. I like to think you and I are above all of that messy, physical stuff, despite your infatuation with me. What I need is a girlfriend … well, a pretend girlfriend, and you, Anne Rollins, are perfect.”
“Fuck, what?”
He burst out laughing.
“You’re joking,” I said, relieved. Well, mad and relieved. Were rock stars so bored these days they had to resort to such extremes for entertainment?
“No, I’m not joking. Your reaction was funny, is all.” Long fingers brushed back his blond hair, pulling it off his face. “This is serious, a business transaction, and it’s gotta be kept on the down low. I’ve paid your rent. I got you furniture to replace what that asshole friend of yours took. In return, I want you to play my girlfriend for a while.”
My jaw gave way to gravity. “You’re not serious.”
“Why do you never believe anything I say? Anne, I am very serious.”
“Why me?”
He sighed and stared at the ceiling long and hard. “I dunno, the way you helped your friend out, even if she didn’t do right by you.”
“Mal, that doesn’t make me a good person. It makes me an idiot.” Given how things had gone down it was nothing less than the cold, hard truth. “You basically said as much yourself last night. I let her use me.”
Mal bared his teeth. “Hey, I never said you were an idiot and I don’t want to hear you talking like that again. There’s another boundary, right there.”
“O-kay, relax.”
“I am perfectly relaxed. Look, we’ve all got our problems, Anne. I never said you were perfect.” He paused, scratched his chin. “Oh, no wait. I did say that. Well, I didn’t mean it exactly like … not that you’re not great and everything but … yeah, let’s move this on.”
“No. Come on, rock star. How did you mean it?” I asked, suppressing a giggle. It was just him. I couldn’t help it, the man was hilarious.
He waved away the question. “No, we’ve moved on. Out of interest, did it even occur to you to hit Ev up for the money you needed last night?”
I reared back in surprise. “What? No.”
“She’d have given it to you. Fuck knows her and Davie have got it.”
“It’s not her problem.”
He gave me another smug look.
“That proves nothing. And if you’ve chosen me for my ethics then am I really the best person to be lying to your friends and family, Mal?”
“Pumpkin … we’re not going to be hurting anyone. We’re just going to be helping each other out, that’s all.”
“You said I was a hopeless liar.”
“You’ll be fine.” He waved my protests away.
I just sat there and reeled. Was this really something we could pull off?
“Trust me.”
“Why do you need a pretend girlfriend?”
“Because I do.”
“Mal.”
He rolled his eyes, face tensing. “Because it’s none of your business why, okay? I’ve paid up your rent. Your sweet ass will not be evicted. In return, all I ask is that you gaze adoringly at me around other people. You do that anyway; what’s the big deal here?”
“So you’re not going to tell me?”
“Have you had your hearing tested lately? Let’s just say I have a good reason, a personal reason, and leave it at that. Honestly, you’re as bad as Davie and Ev. ‘What’s wrong, Mal?’ ‘Are you okay, Mal’ Well, I was until everyone asked me a thousand fucking times.” He pushed to his feet and started pacing the room. Given the length of his legs, he didn’t get very far. Three steps forward, three steps back. After a couple of laps he stopped, stared out the window at the street below.
“Why does everyone insist on being heavy all the fucking time? Life’s too short for all this oversharing. You’re here. I’m here. We can help each other out and have a good time while we’re at it. That’s all that matters.” He spun on his heel to face me, arms out wide. “Life’s a song, Anne. Let’s play.”
My life hadn’t been much of a song … at least, not up until this point.
Neither of us spoke for a moment. Expectation and impatience oozed from him. I did indeed have a bad feeling I was being played again. However, not maliciously this time. Mal didn’t seem like he’d harm a fly. But he might accidentally trample one.
From the outside, it seemed a good deal. I really did need the money. I also liked being around him. He was about a bazillion times more fun than I’d ever known. Whatever happened, this was bound to be a hell of a ride. And if I knew he would leave, up front, there’d be no risk of getting overly attached. I’d just enjoy the time I had with him and then say good-bye. This could very well be fantastic.
“Alright,” I said at last. “You have pulled my ass out of the fire. Thanks for that. But I’m still not completely convinced about this girlfriend plan. I guess we’ll see how it goes.”
He clapped his hands in glee. “You won’t regret this. I won’t mess with your life. Much.”
“Much?”
“And you know I’m a fucking delight to have around. People don’t always get that about me. Plus, I’ll open jars and lift heavy shit. I hear those are issues for women.” He bounced around the room. Good god, this man had energy to spare like he snorted sugar. “So, what should we do tonight? Wanna order some food? What do you feel like?”
I slumped back in the chair, tired from just watching him. “Mal, I don’t have money for that, but you go ahead.”
“Would you stop worrying about money? That’s why I’m here. Everything’s fine. Now what do you feel like?”
“Whatever you want is great.”
“That is so the correct answer. We are going to be the best fake couple ever, pumpkin.”
“Please don’t call me that.”
“Puuuumpkin,” he drawled, eyebrows waggling. “It’s a great nickname. Your hair is kinda that color and we’re a couple now. Couples always have dumb-ass names for each other. C’mon, you think up one for me.”
“I’ll get right to work on that.”
“Cool. Then we’ll have touching time.” He rubbed his hands together. “Actually, never mind, we can do that later in bed.”
My mind scrambled for purchase. “Bed? Touching time? Is that a euphemism? I thought we weren’t having sex. You said we were just pretending.”
“Geez, relax. We’re not having sex, we’re just sleeping together. The whole plan will totally collapse if we start having sex. What I need is a respectable long-term-looking relationship. We start fucking and you’ll be all ‘Oh Mal, I never dreamed such ecstasy was possible. I cannot live without you! Fuck me, Mal. Pleeeeease.’” His knees buckled until he fell flat onto the floor. It was an impressive performance. The man knew how to bat his eyelashes.
I giggled like a vapid schoolgirl. A noise that pretty much made me want to shoot myself on principle.
“And then everything will go all psycho Fatal Attraction. Trust me, I’ve seen it happen and it’s not pretty. So let’s keep it strictly above the belt. Get your mind out of the gutter, Anne.”
“You’re that good, huh?”
He leveled me with a look. “Miss Rollins, you have no idea.”
“You know, I honestly can’t decide if your ego is repulsive or just impressive.”