I need to tell Kris what’s happening, but I don’t dare text him. I should go to his apartment and explain in person. Another conversation that’ll kill some part of me. Kris has been out since junior high. His parents are both artists and it was never a big deal. They were pretty much like, Yeah, we knew. What took you so long? He’s never pressured me, but sneaking around isn’t how he wants to live.
I stare out the window, my fingers tapping on the door handle for the rest of the ride home. Pop pulls into the driveway and our house looms in front of me: solid, familiar, and the last place I want to be right now.
We head inside, Pop tossing his keys onto the hallway table and catching sight of my mother in the living room. She and Nonny are sitting next to each other on the couch as though they’ve been waiting for us. “Where’s Lucas?” I ask, following Pop into the room.
“Downstairs playing Xbox.” Mom mutes the television as Nonny cocks her head to one side and fastens her eyes on me. “Everything okay?”
“Cooper’s being all mysterious.” Pop’s glance at me is half shrewd, half dismissive. He doesn’t know whether to take my obvious freaking out seriously or not. “You tell us, Cooperstown. What’s all the fuss about? They got some actual evidence this time?”
“They think they do.” I clear my throat and push my hands into my khakis. “I mean, they do. Have new information.”
Everybody’s quiet, absorbing that, until they notice I’m not in any hurry to continue. “What kind of new information?” Mom prompts.
“There was an entry on Simon’s site that was encrypted before the police got there. I guess it’s what he originally meant to post about me. Nothin’ to do with steroids.” There goes my accent again.
Pop never lost his, and doesn’t notice when mine fades in and out. “I knew it!” he says triumphantly. “They clear you, then?”
I’m mute, my mind blank. Nonny leans forward, hands gripping her skull-topped cane. “Cooper, what was Simon going to post about you?”
“Well.” A couple of words is all it’ll take to make everything in my life Before and After. The air leaves my lungs. I can’t look at my mother, and I sure as hell can’t look at my father. So I focus on Nonny. “Simon. Somehow. Found out. That.” God. I’ve run out of filler words. Nonny taps her cane on the floor like she wants to help me along. “I’m gay.”
Pop laughs. Actually laughs, a relieved kind of guffaw, and slaps me on the shoulder. “Jesus, Coop. Had me going there for a minute. Seriously, what’s up?”
“Kevin.” Nonny grits the word through her teeth. “Cooper is not joking.”
“Course he is,” Pop says, still laughing. I watch his face, because I’m pretty sure it’s the last time he’ll look at me the way he always has. “Right?” His eyes slide over to mine, casual and confident, but when he sees my face his smile dims. There it is. “Right, Coop?”
“Wrong,” I tell him.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Addy
Monday, October 22, 8:45 a.m.
Police cars line the front of Bayview High again. And Cooper’s stumbling through the hall like he hasn’t slept in days. It doesn’t occur to me the two might be related until he pulls me aside before first bell. “Can we talk?”
I peer at him more closely, unease gnawing at my stomach. I’ve never seen Cooper’s eyes look bloodshot before. “Yeah, sure.” I think he means here in the hallway, but to my surprise he leads me out the back staircase into the parking lot, where we lean against the wall next to the door. Which means I’ll be late for homeroom, I guess, but my attendance record is already so bad another tardy won’t make a difference. “What’s up?”
Cooper runs a hand through his sandy hair until it sticks straight up, which is not a thing I ever imagined Cooper’s hair could do until just now. “I think the police are here because of me. To ask questions about me. I just—wanted to tell somebody why before everything goes to hell.”
“Okay.” I put a hand on his forearm, and tense in surprise when I feel it shaking. “Cooper, what’s wrong?”
“So the thing is …” He pauses, swallowing hard.
He looks like he’s about to confess something. For a second Simon flashes through my mind: his collapse in detention and his red, gasping face as he struggled to breathe. I can’t help but flinch. Then I meet Cooper’s eyes—filmy with tears, but as kind as ever—and I know that can’t be it. “The thing is what, Cooper? It’s all right. You can tell me.”
Cooper stares at me, taking in the whole picture—messy hair that’s spiking oddly because I didn’t take the time to blow-dry it, so-so skin from all the stress, faded T-shirt featuring some band Ashton used to like, because we’re seriously behind on laundry—before he replies, “I’m gay.”
“Oh.” It doesn’t register at first, and then it does. “Ohhh.” The whole not-into-Keely thing suddenly makes sense. It seems like I should say more than that, so I add, “Cool.” Inadequate response, I guess, but sincere. Because Cooper’s pretty great except the way he’s always been a little remote. This explains a lot.
“Simon found out I’m seeing someone. A guy. He was gonna post it on About That with everyone else’s entries. It got switched out and replaced with a fake entry about me using steroids. I didn’t switch it,” he adds hastily. “But they think I did. So they’re looking into me hard-core now, which means the whole school will know pretty soon. I guess I wanted to … tell somebody myself.”
“Cooper, no one will care—” I start, but he shakes his head.
“They will. You know they will,” he says. I drop my eyes, because I can’t deny it. “I’ve been hiding my head under a rock about this whole investigation,” he continues, his voice hoarse. “Hopin’ they’d chalk it up to an accident because there’s no real proof about anything. Now I keep thinking about what Maeve said about Simon the other day—how much weird stuff was going on around him. You think there’s anything to that?”
“Bronwyn does,” I say. “She wants the four of us to get together and compare notes. She says Nate will.” Cooper nods distractedly, and it occurs to me that since he’s still in Jake’s bubble most of the time, he’s not fully up to speed on everything that’s been going on. “Did you hear about Nate’s mom, by the way? How she’s, um, not dead after all?”
I didn’t think Cooper could get any paler, but he manages. “What?”
“Kind of a long story, but—yeah. Turns out she was a drug addict living in some kind of commune, but she’s back now. And sober, supposedly. Oh, and Bronwyn got called into the police station because of a creepy post Simon wrote about her sister sophomore year. Bronwyn told him to drop dead in the comments section, so … you know. That looks kinda bad now.”
“The hell?” By the incredulous look on Cooper’s face, I’ve managed to distract him from his problems. Then the late bell rings, and his shoulders sag. “We’d better go. But, yeah. If you guys get together, I’m in.”
The Bayview Police set themselves up in a conference room with a school liaison again, and start interviewing students one by one. At first things are kind of quiet, and when we get through the day without any rumors I’m hopeful that Cooper was wrong about his secret getting out. But by midmorning on Tuesday, the whispers start. I don’t know if it’s the kind of questions the police were asking, or who they were talking to, or just a good old-fashioned leak, but before lunch my ex-friend Olivia—who hasn’t spoken to me since Jake punched TJ—runs up to my locker and grabs my arm with a look of pure glee.
“Oh my God. Did you hear about Cooper?” Her eyes pop with excitement as she lowers her voice to a piercing whisper. “Everyone’s saying he’s gay.”
I pull away. If Olivia thinks I’m grateful to be included in the gossip mill, she’s wrong. “Who cares?” I say flatly.
“Well, Keely does,” Olivia giggles, tossing her hair over her shoulder. “No wonder he wouldn’t sleep with her! Are you headed to lunch now?”
“Yeah. With Bronwyn. See you.” I slam my locker shut and spin on my heel before she can say anything else.