That last part made my blood run cold. Simon had never written about me before, but I don’t like the implication. Or the sick, heavy feeling that something else is coming. And soon.
“Then why are you doing this?” Keely has her head in her hands, tears running down her face. She’s a pretty crier; nothing red or splotchy about her. She peers at me with swimming dark eyes. “Did Vanessa say something?”
“Did—what? Vanessa? What would she say?”
“She’s being a bitch about me still talking to Addy and she was going to tell you something you shouldn’t even care about, because it happened before we were dating.” She looks at me expectantly, and my blank expression seems to make her mad. “Or maybe you should care, so you’d care about something related to me. You’re so holier-than-thou about how Jake is acting, Cooper, but at least he has emotions. He’s not a robot. It’s normal to be jealous when the girl you care about is with someone else.”
“I know.”
Keely waits a beat before giving a sarcastic little laugh. “That’s it, huh? You’re not even a little bit curious. You’re not worried about me, or protective of me. You just don’t give a shit.”
We’re at the point where nothing I say will be right. “I’m sorry, Keely.”
“I hooked up with Nate,” she says abruptly, eyes locked on mine. And I have to admit, that surprises me. “At Luis’s party the last night of junior year. Simon was following me around all night and I was sick of it. Nate showed up and I figured, what the hell. He’s hot, right? Even if he is a total degenerate.” She smirks at me, a trace of bitterness in her face. “We just kissed, mostly. That night. Then you asked me out a few weeks later.” She gives me that intense look again, and I’m not sure what she’s trying to get across.
“So you were with me and Nate at the same time?”
“Would that bother you?”
She wants something from me out of this conversation. I wish I could figure it out and let her have it, because I know I haven’t been fair to her. Her dark eyes are fastened on mine, her cheeks flushed, her lips slightly parted. She really is beautiful, and if I told her I’d made a mistake, she’d take me back and I’d keep being the most envied guy at Bayview. “I guess I wouldn’t like it—” I start, but she interrupts me with a half laugh, half sob.
“Oh my God, Cooper. Your face. You seriously could not care less. Well, for the record, I stopped doing anything with Nate as soon as you asked me out.” She’s crying again, and I feel like the world’s biggest jerk. “You know, Simon would’ve given anything if I’d chosen him. You didn’t even know it was a choice. People always pick you, don’t they? They always picked me, too. Until you came along and made me feel invisible.”
“Keely, I never meant—”
She’s not listening to me anymore. “You’ve never cared, have you? You just wanted the right accessory for scouting season.”
“That’s not fair—”
“It’s all a big lie, isn’t it, Cooper? Me, your fastball—”
“I’ve never used steroids,” I interrupt, suddenly angry.
Keely gives another strangled laugh. “Well, at least you’re passionate about something.”
“I’m gonna go.” I stand abruptly, adrenaline coursing through me as I stalk out her door before I say something I shouldn’t. I got tested after Simon’s accusations came to light, and I was clean. And I was tested once over the summer as part of an extensive physical the UCSD sports medicine center did before putting together my training regimen. But that’s it, and since plenty of steroids disappear from your system within weeks, I can’t escape the taint entirely. I’ve told Coach Ruffalo there’s no truth to the accusations, and so far he’s sitting tight on contacting any colleges. We’re part of the news cycle now, though, so things won’t stay quiet for long.
And Keely’s right—I’ve been a lot more worried about that than about our relationship. I owe her a better apology than the one I just half-assed. But I don’t know how to give it.
Chapter Seventeen
Addy
Monday, October 15, 12:15 p.m.
Sexism is alive and well in true-crime coverage, because Bronwyn and I aren’t nearly as popular with the general public as Cooper and Nate. Especially Nate. All the tween girls posting about us on social media love him. They couldn’t care less that he’s a convicted drug dealer, because he’s got dreamy eyes.
Same goes for school. Bronwyn and I are pariahs—other than her friends, her sister, and Janae, hardly anyone talks to us. They just whisper behind our backs. But Cooper’s as golden as ever. And Nate—well, it’s not like Nate was ever popular, exactly. He’s never seemed to care what people think, though, and he still doesn’t.
“Seriously, Addy, stop pulling that stuff up. I don’t want to see it.”
Bronwyn rolls her eyes at me, but she doesn’t really look mad. I guess we’re almost friends now, or as friendly as you can get when you’re not one hundred percent sure the other person isn’t framing you for murder.
She won’t play along with my obsessive need to track our news stories, though. And I don’t show her everything, especially not the horrible commenters tossing racial slurs at her family. That’s an extra layer of suck she doesn’t need. Instead, I show Janae one of the more positive articles I’ve found. “Look. The most-shared article on BuzzFeed is Cooper leaving the gym.”
Janae looks awful. She’s lost more weight since I first ran into her in the bathroom, and she’s jumpier than ever. I’m not sure why she eats lunch with us, since most of the time she doesn’t say a word. But she glances gamely at my phone. “It’s a good picture of him, I guess.”
Kate shoots me a severe look. “Would you put that away?” I do, but in my head I’m giving her the finger the whole time. Yumiko’s all right, but Kate almost makes me miss Vanessa.
No. That’s a complete and utter lie. I hate Vanessa. Hate how she’s mean-girled her way into the center of my former group and how she’s glommed on to Jake like they’re a couple. Even though I don’t see much interest on his part. Chopping my hair off was like giving up on Jake, since he wouldn’t have noticed me three years ago without it. But just because I’ve abandoned hope doesn’t mean I’ve stopped paying attention.
After lunch I head for earth science, settling myself on a bench next to a lab partner who barely glances in my direction. “Don’t get too comfortable,” Ms. Mara warns. “We’re mixing things up today. You’ve all been with your partners for a while, so let’s rotate.” She gives us complicated directions—some people move left, others right, and the rest of us stay still—and I don’t pay much attention to the process until I wind up next to TJ.
His nose looks a lot better, but I doubt it’ll ever be straight again. He gives me a sheepish half smile as he pulls the tray of rocks in front of us closer. “Sorry. This is probably your worst nightmare, right?”
Don’t flatter yourself, TJ, I think. He’s got nothing on my nightmares. All those months of angsty guilt about sleeping with him in his beach house seem like they happened in another lifetime. “It’s fine.”
We classify rocks in silence until TJ says, “I like your hair.”
I snort. “Yeah, right.” With the possible exception of Ashton, who’s biased, nobody likes my hair. My mother is appalled. My former friends laughed openly when they saw me the next day. Even Keely smirked. She’s moved right on to Luis, like if she can’t have Cooper, she’ll settle for his catcher instead. Luis dumped Olivia for her, but nobody blinked an eye about that.
“I’m serious. You can finally see your face. You look like a blond Emma Watson.”
That’s false. But nice of him to say, I guess. I hold a rock between my thumb and forefinger and squint at it. “What do you think? Igneous or sedimentary?”
TJ shrugs. “I can’t tell the difference.”
I take a guess and sort the rock into the igneous pile. “TJ, if I can manage to care about rocks, I’m pretty sure you can put in more of an effort.”
He blinks at me in surprise, then grins. “There you are.”