Grant
Two days later
“Mr. Carter?” a voice said as a hand touched my arm and shook it. My eyes snapped open, and I blinked, looking up at the nurse standing over me. “I’m sorry to wake you, but the doctor just came in and checked on Lila Kate. You’ve been cleared to hold her if you’re ready.”
Hold her. I had watched over her for two days while waiting for them to tell me I could see Harlow.
“Harlow? Can I see her?” I wanted to see Harlow first. I wanted to tell her about Lila Kate. I also wanted her to wake up and be there when I held the baby for the first time. I didn’t want to do that without Harlow.
The nurse smiled. “Actually, that’s the other thing I was going to tell you. She’s stable, and although she still hasn’t opened her eyes, it’s safe for you to see her. Her cardiologist said she’d want to see you before her father. He thinks your voice will give her something to fight for.”
I glanced over at my sleeping daughter. I was ready to hold her. She’d been holding my finger and staring at me as I talked to her continually. She was a good baby, the nurses said. She didn’t cry a lot, but when she did cry, she raised hell. Which only made me smile.
“I want to see Harlow first,” I told the nurse, and she nodded and opened the door.
“Let’s go, then.”
I started to follow her, then stopped. I turned back and walked over to Lila Kate. I reached inside and rubbed her little sleeping face. “I’m going to see Mommy now. Wish me luck,” I whispered.
When I finally followed the nurse out the door, I noticed she had watery eyes. If she only knew. I had two angels in this world, and I would do anything to save them both. I wanted that life Harlow and I had planned and dreamed about. She just had to wake up.
“You need to be prepared before you go in there. She’s hooked up to a few machines. We were able to take off the oxygen mask; she’s doing so well that we aren’t worried about her breathing purified air. But she still has a feeding tube in her throat. Just know that’s food, not oxygen. There are dark circles under her eyes, and she’s lost some weight. Just know she’s doing better than expected after what she went through. Most women don’t survive that.”
When the door opened, the pain in my chest felt like an explosion. She was so helpless, and she seemed so small on that hospital bed. She had been alone in here without me for almost three days. I hated not being able to be with her. It made me physically ill to think she might believe I’d abandoned her.
“I’ll be right outside the door if you need me,” the nurse said before closing it.
I walked over to the side of the bed and touched her hand. It was cool. It needed my warmth. “Hey, sweet girl. I’m here. I’ve been waiting for them to tell me I could come see you. I’ve been telling Lila Kate all about you. She’s ready to see her mommy. I think I have someone who understands just how much I love you now, because it’s obvious she does, too,” I said, trying my hardest not to crack.
I didn’t want her upset. I wanted to sound upbeat and give her strength. I wanted her to know I believed she could pull out of this.
“You have a waiting room full of people who love you. Rush and Blaire have been here since moments after they rolled you away from me. Nate’s even stopped by to visit everyone. Della and Woods and Mase are here. Mase even brought Major with him. And your dad is here, along with the entire band. It’s causing some excitement in the hospital. Having every member of Slacker Demon hanging out in the waiting room and ordering pizza is more excitement than this place has seen in a while.”
I was rambling now. I just wanted her to know how loved she was. I didn’t want her to think we didn’t need her. Because we did. I did. Lila Kate did.
“Lila Kate is beautiful. She’s perfect. I can’t wait until you can hold her. They told me before I came in here that I can hold her now. She’s been holding on to my finger the past couple of days. She’s tiny, and they had to put her in an incubator, but she’s not having any complications. She’s progressing well. And when I talk, she watches me so closely. But I think she’s looking for you. She’s waiting for her mommy to show up. Oh, and she sucks her thumb like a champ. She loves that thumb. It’s her favorite pastime. I know breaking her of it one day won’t be easy, but right now, it’s so damn cute I don’t care.”
I threaded her limp fingers through mine and held her hand tightly. Then I lifted it up and kissed it. I saw the bruises on her hands from being stuck with so many needles. I kissed each one, then held her hand to my lips. They weren’t going to be able to force me from this spot. When I had watched her roll away, I thought I’d never touch her or hold her again. But she was here. And she was breathing, and she was going to come back to me.
“You gotta wake up for me, sweet girl. You gotta wake up for us. Lila Kate and I are waiting for you. We want to walk into her bedroom with you right there beside us. I’m not as strong as you, Harlow. I can’t live without you. I can’t fight like you can. I need you. I can’t do this with Lila Kate alone. She needs you. She needs her mother. She needs what you didn’t have. Fight, baby. Fight for her. Fight to open your eyes and come back to us. I believe in you. You showed me you could bring this precious baby girl into the world. Now show me you can stay with me. Show me.” I stopped before I started begging.
There was a knock on the door, and a nurse stepped inside. “Mr. Manning is wanting to see her,” she said. I could tell by the look on her face that Kiro was raising hell. I nodded and tuned back to Harlow.
“Your daddy is throwing a fit in the waiting room. He’s worried about you. You’ve scared him good. I’m gonna step out and let him come visit you. I’ll be back. I’m going to go tell Lila Kate about this and how good you look. I’m going to tell her to get ready. You’ll be awake soon. And I’m going to hold her. I wanted to wait for you, but I don’t want to make her wait to be held any longer. I’ll rock her and tell you all about it when I come back.”
I bent down and pressed a kiss to her dry lips. She would hate that her lips were dry.
I turned to the nurse. “Can you get her something for her lips? They’re dry. That bothers her. It’s uncomfortable for her.”
The nurse nodded. “Yes, sir. We’ll do that.”
“I’ll be back after her father and her brother visit her. I expect that you will have handled it by then.”
She nodded. “Yes, we will do it right now.”
I glanced back at Harlow one more time before stepping out of the room and heading back to the NICU.
My sweet Lila Kate,
Life in your beautiful room must make you feel like the princess you are. I know Daddy loves your sweet face and kisses it often. Smile for him. Give him a reason to smile again. If I’m not there with you, be his strength, and teach him that loving someone is a chance we all take, but life without love means nothing. If he didn’t take a chance, he wouldn’t have you in his arms right now.
I don’t know if I’ll get a chance to tell you this story in person, so I want to tell you now. It’s one my daddy told me a long time ago. I held it close to me all my life, and it made me brave. It got me through some tough times, and I want you to understand how you play a really important part in this story.
Once upon a time, there was this princess. She was loved in her kingdom for her heart. They didn’t care about her outer beauty. It was the inside that mattered to them. But one day, she was cursed by a very jealous evil queen. She was put into a deep sleep. To wake her up, the one man in all the world who loved her most had to be waiting for her. If she knew he was there waiting, she would open her eyes for him. But there’s a part of that story that my daddy left out. A part I think is most important.
The man who loved her most in the world was there, but she didn’t have to open her eyes, because she had left him a gift. A special, beautiful baby girl to love him and take care of him. A reason for him to live his life full of happiness. So there was no reason for the princess to open her eyes. She knew that if it was too hard to wake up, then she would be leaving behind love and joy instead of sadness.
If I’m reading this to you, the princess was able to open her eyes this time. But if I’m not, I know she left the man who loved her the most with someone he loved just as much.
Love you always,
Mommy