CHAPTER 17
Ryan
I'm driving to my parents' home in Beacon Hill. My father is still in Washington, D.C. but my mother invited me to lunch. I am furious with her. I cannot prove it but I just know that she is behind Danny's sudden break up with me.
At first, when I left Danny's apartment, I was shell shocked. Everything that made me happy had suddenly been stripped from me. I was mad at Danny for all of about two minutes, but while I was driving back home, it struck me. Danny didn't have it in her to break up like that. On top of that, I know without a doubt that Danny loves me. It would take something monumentally sinister to get her to do that. And the most monumentally sinister thing I knew was my mother.
I've tried calling Danny several times. She won't answer the phone or return my messages. I've called Paula but she is vague and non-committal. She says she'll pass my messages on but I have no clue if she is really doing it. I've even staked out Helping Hands Ministry and Sally's, hoping to catch her so we can talk. She's avoiding me like the plague.
Now it's been two weeks since Danny booted me out of her life and I want answers. The formal criminal charges against me were dropped. My attorney worked a deal out with Malone’s attorney. He may get a nominal part of my trust fund, but it’s worth it not to have that shit hanging over my head. This news should make me deliriously happy but it tastes cold and bitter. None of it matters if Danny is not in my life.
I pull into the driveway and take a few meditative breaths. I'm going to need all the help I can get dealing with my mother.
Walking into the house, I hear voices coming from the back sunroom. I walk in and immediately spot Angeline sitting next to my mother. They stop talking when they see me and in the next instant, Angeline runs to me, throwing herself against my body.
"I've missed you so much, Ryan."
My arms remain at my side and I clench and unclench my fists in an effort to remain calm. When Angeline doesn't take the hint that I'm not returning her embrace, I peel her off of my body and step away from her.
"What are you doing here, Angeline?" My voice is cold and flat.
The smile drops from her face and she looks at my mother for help.
“I just assumed you’d be happy to see me now that you’ve broken up with that...” Angeline trails off when she sees the murderous look on my face.
"I invited her to lunch with us, Ryan,” my mother interrupts. “Now stop being so rude."
I turn to Angeline. "You need to leave. And please accept my word when I tell you that I am not interested in you anymore nor will I ever be."
"Ryan!" my mother admonishes me.
Angeline doesn't move and she’s looking back and forth between the two of us.
"Leave, Angeline. Now!" My voice is cold and furious, and she knows better than to test me right now. She scurries away like a small rodent and moments later I hear the front door slam.
My mother is looking at me with shrewd eyes. I take the seat that Angeline just vacated. "We need to talk, Mother."
Clasping the pearls around her neck, my mother leans back in her chair and crosses her legs. She can't help herself when she says, "Honestly, Ryan. I have no idea what's gotten into you. You are going to have to do some groveling now to get Angeline back."
I sit forward in my chair and rest my elbows on my knees, clasping my hands together. I look my mother straight into her eyes, and ask, "Do you ever really listen to anything I say?"
She looks confused. "What? Of course I do."
"Then one more time...I am not going to be with Angeline...ever again. So stop shoving her down my throat. You're doing nothing more than hurting her because you build up her expectations and I'm tearing them down. Just give it a break."
My mother swallows hard but her voice is firm. "Fine. I hear you. I'll stop throwing Angeline at you. No matter. There are plenty of acceptable women in this area."
I can feel my control slipping so I take another deep breath and exhale it out slowly. "Forget about other women for a minute. I want you to tell me how and why you convinced Danny to break up with me."
Watching her reaction carefully, I was rewarded. It was only there for a brief moment, but I clearly saw it flash across her face. At first I thought it was guilt but then I realized this was my mother we were talking about and she would never feel guilty about hurting my relationship with Danny. No, what I saw was pure culpability. She panicked for a split second thinking I had something on her before she could school her features back into impassivity.
"I have no clue what you’re talking about, Ryan." She sounds affronted but it also sounds hollow to me.
"Don't lie to me, Mother."
"I'm not lying to you and don't you accuse me of that. It's disrespectful and I'll not tolerate that behavior from my children."
"Tell me the truth!" I yell.
I'm frustrated beyond measure and I need for her to tell me that my suspicions are correct. Because if she verifies that for me, that means I have a chance to get Danny back.
My mother stands up. "We are done with this conversation. I suggest you leave and not come back until you can show me some respect."
Turning on her heel she walks toward the door.
I try one last tactic. "If you ever even had a small measure of love for me, I'm begging you mom...please tell me the truth." My words are soft and pleading.
She pauses for just a second and I think she might turn around and tell me what I want to know, but then she continues walking toward the door and doesn't look back.
Defeated, I leave my house and I doubt I'll be returning. The painful realization that my mother doesn't care enough about me to want my happiness is starting to sink in. It’s amazing how much this hurts, given the fact that I have never been very close to my parents in the first place. I guess there was a part of me that believed that some nurturing, maternal instinct would spring forth from Celia Burnham. Sadly, the fact that I was pretty much raised by our nanny should have clued me in and lowered my expectations.
***
I’m back at the frat house and lying on my bed. Hands clasped behind my head, I need to figure out what my next move will be with Danny. My main problem is in making contact with her since she won’t return my calls. I suppose I can stalk her at Sally’s or at her apartment, but I’m leery of doing that until I know for sure what I’m going to say. I think this is a one-shot deal with Danny and I don’t want to screw it up.
I’ll have to admit I’m a little hurt she won’t return my calls. I understand my mother, in all likelihood, did something atrocious to scare Danny off. But there is that one small part of me that wishes Danny cared about me enough that we could have at least remained friends.
Running through a mental list of all of the things I want to say to Danny, I’m startled when someone knocks on my door.
“Come in.”
The door creaks open and my sister, Emily, peaks her head in. I’m stunned she’s here. We are not very close but we do tolerate each other. As far as I can remember, I don’t think she’s ever been to visit me here on campus.
"Hey,” I say. “What are you doing here?"
She shrugs her shoulders and doesn’t say anything but she does walk in and shuts the door. She’s dressed in designer jeans and a lightweight sweater. Her dark hair is pulled up into a ponytail and I suddenly realize how pretty she is. She’s going to break someone’s heart one day.
After looking around the room, she finally sits on Mike’s bed with her hands clasped in her lap.
“Can I ask you something?” she begins.
I sit up on the bed and turn to face her. I have no clue where this is going and it’s a bit surreal. If I had to bet money, Mother has sent her here to do some reconnaissance.
“Sure,” I tell her.
“Do you really love this girl, Danny?” She says Danny’s name with a little bit of distaste but I also hear genuine curiosity. It’s like love is a foreign concept to her, and maybe it is. I have no clue if Emily has ever been in love or if she is even dating someone. It makes me realize that I don’t know much about her at all.
“I love Danny very much.” I don’t offer more because, again, I have no clue why she is here and I have to assume it’s on Mother’s behalf.
Emily looks down at her hands and she nervously twirls a dainty sapphire ring she is wearing. She looks back up at me. “Would you tell me why?”
This time there is nothing in her tone other than a pleading to understand something that might be beyond her concept. Maybe Emily is here because she’s maturing past the elitist brat I’ve always assumed her to be.
I take a deep breath and give her a wistful smile. “Okay. Let’s see. Do you want the list numerically or alphabetically?”
Emily lets out a very unladylike snort and immediately slaps her hand over her mouth because she can’t believe she just did that. She giggles at herself which causes my eyebrows to rise. I don’t think I’ve ever heard Emily giggle before.
Removing her hand from her mouth, she says with a grin, “In any order you want.”
“Well, when I first met Danny it was her wit that got my attention. In fact, I actually heard her before I saw her...and I was captivated by her intelligence. But when I looked up, I was immediately attracted to her. I thought she was so beautiful.”
“But her hair is purple and she has piercings in her face?”
There is the judgmental tone again but I have patience with her. “Why does that matter, Emily? Really, in the grand scheme of things...so what?”
Emily shrugs her shoulders. “Because it’s weird I guess. No one we know looks like that.”
“Well, then I’d say maybe you need to expand your horizons a bit.”
I can see the wheels turning in her head as she ponders that statement. “What else?” she demands.
“She’s really smart and talented. She was a music major at Julliard but had to drop out when her mother got cancer. She plays the violin and she’s amazingly good. I’m trying to get her to go back.”
“What else?” she whispers.
“She’s kind and generous. She volunteers a few times a week at a homeless shelter. I’ve gone there to help her a few times and met some really interesting people.”
Emily looks at me in horror over the prospect of working in a homeless shelter. Okay, so I probably will never get Emily to explore that side of her humanitarianism but it was worth a shot.
She’s silent for a while, again twisting that ring of hers. She looks anxious.
“Those are all really good reasons to love someone,” she whispers.
“Emily, they’re the best reasons to love someone. Not because of some silly notions we have about class or stations in life.”
Emily stands up and comes to sit beside me on my bed. She turns to look at me and her face is awash with misery.
"Danny didn’t breakup with you voluntarily," she whispered. "Mother threatened you to get her to do it."
“Son of a bitch,” I exclaim loudly. I had suspected this was the case, but hearing it out loud pisses me off. Emily flinches from the anger in my voice, but it doesn’t scare her off for which I’m glad. She continues on.
“Mother went to see her a few weeks ago and asked me to go along. I admit...I was curious to see this girl that was causing so much trouble in our household. And I’m sorry. I looked at her and I just didn’t understand what you saw in her. But I get it now.”
I exhale heavily, vindicated to know the truth at last. But I need more details and my mother is not going to give them to me.
Tears are swimming in Emily’s eyes and while I'm angry at her, I have to be thankful she brought this to me. I grab her in a quick hug. "Thanks, Em. That means the world that you told me the truth."
She nods her head and squeezes me back. “What else can I do to help?”
"Just tell me everything that Mother said to Danny so I can try to make this right with her and beg forgiveness of my family’s stupidity.”
“That’s a whole lot of stupid,” Emily quips and I nod in agreement.