That weekend, we have to attend a housewarming party at Principal Pruitt’s place. It’s not our idea of a good time. Sam meets me at my house beforehand and when I open the door to find her wearing a red dress, I decide I need a shot of Fireball. I pour one and Sam insists she needs one too. I hope we don’t keep going shot for shot, because she’s about half my bodyweight.
She’s extra smiley tonight, a real charmer. Everyone in our group at the party is hanging on her every word. She looks so hot in her dress. It’s not too low-cut, but even still, my mind fills in the gaps. I excuse myself to get us drinks and spot Principal Pruitt manning the grill. He’s wearing a loose Hawaiian shirt and a plastic lei around his neck. He tips his Corona in my direction, but under no circumstances will I be getting sucked into a conversation with him over the subtleties of different wood chips for grilling. I motion toward the drinks and he shoots back a thumbs-up.
I’m surprised there’s alcohol at this party. It’s not a school-sanctioned event, but all the staff is here. I suppose it makes sense, though—with the Hawaiian shirt and free beer, Principal Pruitt is trying hard to be the cool dad of the administration.
“Maaan, that superintendent is so stiff, but you can come to me about anything,” he said last week after a district meeting, clapping me on the shoulder. “I always want to have relaxed, open channels of communication between myself and my staff.”
I should tell him saying phrases like “open channels of communication” makes him sound more like a suit and less like one of us.
I’m popping the top off a beer when Logan, the football coach, steps into line behind me.
“Hey man, cool shirt,” he says with a bro nod in my direction.
I wasn’t going to come tonight, but Sam insisted we had to show our faces. While I napped on the sofa, she yanked clothes out of my closet for me. The simple blue shirt was her doing and doesn’t really warrant a compliment.
“What’s the brand?” he asks. “Calvin?”
“Who?”
“Klein. Anyway, I saw you came with Samantha tonight. You two are just friends, right? That’s the word on the street.”
I respond with exactly half a nod and half a shake of my head. The gesture gives me a believable story in case Sam asks me about this conversation later.
“I don’t know how you do it, man. She’s so bangin’.”
He says this while looking at her, and I have no choice but to follow his gaze. Her red dress is spaghetti-strapped and cuts off at the middle of her thighs. She brought a jacket with her but left it in my car since it’s unseasonably warm for early February. Maybe we should move north, somewhere with chunky scarves and puffy jackets you have to zip to your chin.
Her red hair is piled high in a wavy ponytail and her cheeks have a rosy tinge to them. Her skin is glowing. She asked me in the car if she should add lipstick in her signature shade of red—side note: I now start drooling at the grocery store in front of the Red Delicious apples—and thankfully she listened when I responded with a gruff no.
“Jeez, fine. No lipstick then. Why are you driving so fast? I thought you didn’t want to go to this thing.”
I was driving fast because I had to keep my right leg straighter than usual to hide…well, she just looked great in the dress.
Logan clears his throat, and it’s obvious he’s waiting for me to give some kind of response. He wants me to acknowledge her hotness, but I don’t.
He doesn’t leave.
I take a swig of my beer and he rubs the stubble on his jaw.
“So yeah, anyway, could you help a brother out? What kind of food does she like, what kind of music does she listen to—y’know, insider information.”
Abso-fucking-lutely.
“She’s a big fan of that fermented shark stuff from Iceland, and her music tastes are pretty specific, mostly polka-pop and yodeling.”
My tone is hushed like I’m in on a conspiracy.
“Damn, freaky.” He grins. “What kind of guys is she into?”
“Gentle. Meek. Don’t make her laugh. She wants a serious poet type.”
His eyes light up. No doubt he’s considering the shitty stanza he penned earlier. It’s still stuffed in my desk drawer. I smell chili on his breath.
“What else?” I ask.
“If I ask her out, where should we go?”
“The zoo. She adores seeing animals in cages.”
She hates it. If she weren’t scared of the consequences, she’d figure out a way to set them all free.
“Really? Isn’t that a little too kiddie for a date?”
“Sam’s a kid at heart.”
That’s my first piece of truth.
He nods, taking in my information with a big smile. This guy really thinks he’s going to get Sam—my Sam.
“All right, cool. Really appreciate it, man.”
I’m on my way back to her when I get intercepted by another guy—the photography teacher, Malcolm. He really is small. He and Sam could fit together nicely on a twin-sized mattress, and there’d be room for a Husky at the very end.
“Hey, Ian. I was wondering…um, did Samantha mention my note or anything to you by chance?”
“Note?” I sound truly perplexed.
“Yeah. I sent her one of those Valentine’s gifts from the choir kids.” He rubs the nape of his neck like it’s a nervous tic. “It was a stupid idea.”
“Ohhh, now that you mention it, I did see some crumpled up paper in her recycling bin yesterday.”
He frowns, bummed. I want to feel bad for the guy, but I don’t. You know what’s hard? Try having a crush on her for three years and then come talk to me.
“Maybe she didn’t get it yet. Maybe the crumpled paper was something else.”
“I dunno, those little Cupids are pretty prompt with their deliveries.”
I’m hoping he’ll feel disheartened by the amount of competition and move on. Instead, he smiles like the nice guy he is. “You know what? Maybe I’ll just ask her out in person. My therapist is always telling me to step out of my comfort zone.”
What the…? He sounds serious, like he’s really going to ask her out—and worse, Sam might actually say yes. She once told me she thought Malcolm took “pretty cool pictures”. What the hell is going on? I need to know what Sam did to tilt us out of the perfect state of balanced homeostasis we’ve been in for the last few years.
When I make it back to the group, I pass her a lemonade and she acts offended that I didn’t get her a beer. I offer her a sip of mine and her face contorts with disgust after she samples it.
“Ugh. Bleh. Tastes like cat pee. I just don’t understand how you do it.”
I don’t know how you do it, man. Logan’s words echo in my head.
“Come here, I want to show you something.”
She follows me away from the group and I lead her toward a small garden near the toolshed so we’re out of earshot from the rest of the party. It’s early February, so nothing in the garden is green. Principal Pruitt still needs to clip away the dead plants from last season.
“What’d you want to show me?”
“Oh, this.” I thump on the side of the shed. “Isn’t it cool? Bet Principal Pruitt can fit a lot of tools in there. Anyway, you know how a lot of people at school always assumed we were dating?”
My question throws her for a loop. Her dark blue eyes widen then squint up at me in confusion. “Yeah, pfff, so ridiculous right? Why? What is this about?”
I drag a hand through my hair, unsure of how exactly to explain this. “Well, now people seem to think otherwise.”
“Oh, well, yes.” She looks away as if calling the conversation to mind. “That new girl Ashley asked about us and I told her we were just friends.”
I internally groan and she gulps down half her lemonade. I think she’s scared, and a moment later, when she starts rambling, my suspicions are confirmed.
“Listen, if you’ve heard I’ve been propagating rumors that we’re a couple, I haven’t! I mean, that’s…yeah…” Her cheeks are the same color as the cherry red lipstick in her bag. Her fair skin means her emotions bloom right on the surface, and usually, I like it. Right now, I love it. “Obviously…I haven’t been doing that.”
Right—I have.
“So I guess everyone overheard your conversation with Ashley?”
She rolls her eyes as if exasperated. “The teachers’ lounge has never exactly been known for privacy. It’s why the Freshman Four came over and asked about your soccer game. I think they all have crushes on you.”