My sister flops on the floor on her back and smiles upside down at me. “This apartment is amazing. I can’t wait to get my own place. Can I stay overnight tonight? We can make popcorn, and watch movies and—”
Oh no. I can’t have an audience all day and night when I’m in the middle of a meltdown. I need way more time alone to get my head together. “I wish you could but I have to be up early for work tomorrow. How about Friday night?” Maybe by Friday, Blue will be back, we can put all this behind us, and everything will be good again. He might even be open to stopping by to meet my sister.
“You promise?” Courtney asks.
I smile, more at my daydream than at her. “Yes. I promise.”
My mom starts to talk about how cute the apartment is, how she loves the colors and how bright and airy it is with all the windows, and Courtney announces how she wants to move into my old space in the basement. I’m barely listening when my parents tell her that isn’t happening any time soon. My mind keeps wandering back to Blue. Why did he leave? Where did he go? What did I do wrong? Why wasn’t love enough to get him to stay?
“Piper, did you hear me?”
Shaking my head, I turn to face my mother’s questioning gaze. “No, I’m sorry, I didn’t.”
“We were hoping we’d get to meet your boyfriend today.”
“Oh.” I grind my teeth. “We kinda broke up.”
“Who dumped who?” Courtney sits up, instantly interested, because she’s at that phase in teen life when she loves any kind of drama and gossip.
I twist my hands together in my lap and force the words over the lump in my throat. “Um, it was mostly mutual. He had to move.”
That’s one way of putting it.
My mother smiles sympathetically. “I’m sorry to hear that. But it’s probably for the best. You haven’t been yourself while you’ve been dating that boy. You’ve been withdrawn and anxious. You’re a beautiful young woman, you’ll forget about him in no time and find the right one to sweep you off your feet.”
I’ve already been swept, and I’ll never forget Blue. He’s always going to be the one who has my heart. I know that without a doubt. He might be complicated, but he’s the right one and the only one.
“You can’t trust a man who won’t meet your family or come pick you up and take you out. He’s obviously got something to hide, or he’s just a user and doesn’t know how to treat a woman. You’re too good for someone like that. You’re a good girl. Don’t lower yourself,” my father lectures. “Remember this, he’s not going to buy the cow if he’s getting the milk for free. You have to make him work for it and respect it.”
Courtney goes into a fit of giggles while I look at my father like he’s insane. “Dad, really? That’s a horrible thing to say. I’m not a slut or a cow and I wasn’t getting used. We really care about each other.”
Glaring at my father, my mother jumps in to try to lessen the blow. “That’s not what your father meant. You have a good heart, you’re very giving and you trust everyone. People will take advantage of you.”
I can’t believe my father just referred to me as a cow and insinuated I’ve been handing out the goods. Even though I just got dumped in the worst way possible, I know Blue wasn’t using me. I know he loves me as much as I love him. I just don’t have the mental strength to explain any of it to my parents right now when my heart is still bleeding from the aftermath of Blue’s sudden disappearance.
Hours later, I’m relieved when my parents go back home. Wearing a fake smile and holding back tears is exhausting. This should have been a happy day for me to show off my new place and make my parents proud of me. Instead, I’m a mess and my father thinks I’m a cow who took up drinking and allows men to use me.
Ditra would love that visual.
No matter what, I always end up being some kind of awkward outcast.
Chapter Fifteen
I’m hardly ever late for anything. In fact, I’m usually a few minutes early for appointments and meetings. When my sisters and I were young, my mother was constantly rushing us around. She instilled in us that not being on time was bad manners. She definitely did not believe in being fashionably late.
But I never considered being late terrifying.
Until today.
“You’re pregnant.”
The room spins so fast I grip the edges of the exam table to keep myself from tumbling off onto the floor.
“Piper?” Dr. Green touches my shoulder and motions for the nurse to get me a cup of water.
My head reels, my vision blurs, and the doctor’s voice echoes around me. “That can’t be....” I shake my head slowly. “It must be a mistake. I’m on the pill. You gave it to me.”
“It’s not one hundred percent guaranteed, unfortunately. Have you been taking it every day?”
“Yes,” I reply, but that’s not exactly true. There were those nights when Blue asked me to stay in the shed with him, and we snuggled, and talked, and made love all night. When I finally went home the next day, I either forgot to take the pill or skipped it because I didn’t know what else to do.
I take the cup from the nurse and gulp the cold water, flooding my throat and stomach, hoping to wash this all away. There must be a way to undo this and make it not so.
I’m smart. I’m responsible. I’m not the kind of girl who gets pregnant. That happens to other girls who aren’t careful.
That’s you now, Piper. A cow who got used and thrown away with a dog and a baby.
I stare into my empty paper cup. “Actually... I think there may have been a few times I forgot to take it.”
“It has to be taken every day to be effective.” Dr. Green flips through her notes in my folder and then glances back to me. “I’m going to assume you weren’t using condoms at the time?”
I shake my head, humiliation thrumming through my veins like acid.
“H-how far along am I?” I ask.
“Looks like just about ten weeks. We’ll schedule an ultrasound in two weeks and you can see your baby. You’re welcome to bring the father.”
“We’re not together anymore.” I tremble uncontrollably and burst into choking tears. The nurse hands me a box of tissues and I balance it on my lap. “He left….”
“Piper, I’m very sorry to hear that.”
Ten weeks. It’s been eight weeks since Blue left. During that time, I’ve prowled every park and train station in a hundred-mile radius trying to find him, to no avail. He could be anywhere by now.
“I don’t know what I’m going to do....” I sob, blotting my eyes with the scratchy tissue. “I don’t even know where he is.”
Dr. Green hands me a business card and several pamphlets with photos of pregnant teens and babies on them. “We have a counselor on staff. I think it would be good for you to talk with her about your decisions and choices.”
The words ricochet between my ears. Decisions and choices.
Somehow, just like that, my quiet, boring, little life is gone forever.
Chapter Sixteen
“It’s nice to have you home for dinner. We’ve only seen you twice since you moved out,” my mom says from behind the platter of ziti and meatballs in the center of the table.
“I’ve been really busy with work, I told you I started my new position as marketing assistant last week.”
“That’s terrific. Do you like it?”
I nod and swallow my food. “Yes, it’s been great. I even have a small office now.”
“Did you get a raise?” Courtney asks. She’s changed in the past month, and appears older to me, and less innocent. Her black hair is much shorter now, and she’s started to wear more make-up. I wonder if she’s dating someone, but I don’t want to ask about that when I’m about to drop a bomb on my parents.
“Yes.” I wipe my mouth with my napkin. “I was given a small raise.”
I take a sip of my iced tea and breathe in a deep breath. “I need to tell you all something… just please don’t freak out.”
My father puts his fork down in preparation. I probably shouldn’t have started this conversation in those words, but I just want to get this over with and go back to my apartment.
“Use the Band-Aid approach,” Ditra had advised. “Don’t do it slow and easy. Just rip it off and come right out with it.”