*
I don’t remember if we ate dinner. All I remember is sitting there, alone. Night fell, and it grew cool. The mountain was dark. I could hear coyotes and crickets, the wind blowing through the tops of the maples. But that is all I heard. No voices calling out my name. No airplanes or helicopters. Nothing good at all.
That night, we all slept in the tent. The cable wasn’t long enough and I couldn’t stretch out my leg. I curled in the fetal position against the side of the tent, not even on my pad. Mitchell curled up next to me, his arm around my shoulder. I recoiled at his touch. I pulled away as far as I could. He moved against me again. I was pressing so hard against the tent that I thought it was going to tear. I curled tighter into a ball. My rejection didn’t bother him. In fact, it seemed to urge him on, being able to dominate me like that. Domination and power. That was always his intent.
The night wore on. I prayed as long and as hard as I had cried the day before. I was so scared and lonely. So afraid of what was coming.
But never was I angry. Never did I blame God. I never thought, Why me? This isn’t right! This isn’t fair! I knew that He didn’t want these things to happen to me. This wasn’t an expression of His will. But I also understood that Brian David Mitchell had his free will. He had the freedom to choose. He could choose to be a good man or a devil. To be a devil is what he had chosen. And I also knew that God wouldn’t leave me to suffer through this alone. I just knew that was true. In fact, I never felt closer to God than I did throughout my nightmare with Mitchell. He did not leave me without comfort. I always felt Him near. And I felt the presence of my grandpa. I knew that he was near as well.
As I felt a little of their comfort, exhaustion finally overcame me, taking me to a place where my captors couldn’t hurt me anymore.
14.
Adam and Eve
There was only one time when I woke up in the middle of the night and thought that I was home. It didn’t happen on that first night. In fact, it didn’t happen until several months after I had been taken, when I woke up searching for my alarm clock. For a moment, I was confused. When I couldn’t find it, I finally remembered where I was.
But this only happened once.
On the morning of June 6, I woke up and knew immediately where I was.
It had been a long night. For one thing, it had rained. The sides of the tent were dripping with condensation. But Mitchell had dug a small trench around the outside to funnel the water away, so at least our bedding was not wet. Another thing that made it a long night was the fact that Mitchell kept getting out of bed. He’d get up, unzip the tent, and go outside. I could hear him out there, huffing and puffing through some kind of exercise. He did this every night. Get up. Go outside. Work through a series of stretching exercises, puffing as he bent and stretched and worked his muscles. I don’t know if he did it because he was nervous or if it was part of his fanatical exercise routine, but I don’t think he ever slept through the night for the entire time that I was with him.
When I woke up, the sun was just beginning to break over the top of the mountains. It was only a few weeks from the summer solstice, the longest day of the year, and it was very early. Mitchell, always anxious to begin talking or drinking or getting naked or whatever else he had in mind for that day, apparently didn’t like to lie around. He and Barzee got up with the sun. Which meant that I got up as well.
My mouth was dry. I ached from sleeping on the ground, pressed against the side of the tent, trying to put some space between my captor and myself. And my stomach was already churning as I remembered Mitchell’s words: We’re going to be like the children of Eden. We’re going to go naked.
As daylight broke, the birds began to chatter from above us. Then the wind began to stir, moving down the canyon to the valley floor below. Mitchell and Barzee crawled out from underneath their bedding. I grew tight, afraid to move. If I kept my eyes closed, maybe they would go back to sleep. If I didn’t move, maybe they would leave me alone. If I pretended I was asleep, maybe they would just go away.
The cable was tight against my leg and I felt cramped and claustrophobic. It was a bright morning. We were a long way up the mountain and the air was still cool.
A few minutes passed until Mitchell announced, “Okay, let’s get naked now.”
I was instantly mortified. I am a very bashful person. I always have been. And, being so young, I was very self-conscious about my body. So I pretended I didn’t hear him and didn’t move.