After we’ve served coffee, the two children disappear out of the barn. I should really go and help Biddy with the afternoon’s baking activity. But I can’t leave. I’m too fascinated by the horror show that is Demeter and her family. I station myself within earshot of them by the old oak dresser, folding and refolding napkins. Not that Demeter and James even notice me. They’re engrossed in their own little bubble.
“So your mother calls me Mrs. Invisible.” Demeter lifts her coffee cup to her lips, then puts it down again, untouched. “Nice.”
James winces. “Look…I’m sorry. You shouldn’t have heard that. I’ve told Mum she’s out of line.”
“But what does she mean?” Demeter sounds brittle.
“Oh, come on.” James drops his hands onto the table with a thump. “You’re out every night. If you’re not working late, you’re at some awards ceremony—”
“It’s my job!” says Demeter, sounding anguished. “You know I have to do this stuff, James—”
“Demeter, they want me in Brussels.” James cuts straight across her and she draws in breath sharply. The color drains from her face. There’s such a long, breath-holding silence between the pair of them that I think I might keel over.
At last, Demeter says, “Right.” She swallows hard, and there’s another endless pause. “Right,” she repeats. “Wow. Didn’t see that one coming.”
“I know. Sorry. I’ve been…” He sweeps a hand through his hair. “I’ve been preoccupied. That’s why.”
I’ve frozen beside the dresser. This is clearly a very personal conversation. I should make myself known. But I can’t. I can’t break the spell. My fingers are clenched around a napkin so hard that they’ve gone white. Demeter takes breath to speak, and I can sense she’s feeling her way.
“I thought we discussed the Brussels thing, James. I thought we decided—”
“I know what we decided. I know what we agreed. I know what I said….” James rubs his eyes with the flat of his hand. Demeter’s head is turned away, her chin lowered. The pair look a picture of abject misery.
I can’t help flashing back to that photo of them on Demeter’s pinboard that I always used to gaze at. The pair of them standing on the red carpet in black tie, looking like the most successful, glamorous, put-together couple in the world. But look at them now. Tired; wretched; not even making eye contact.
“But?” says Demeter, finally.
“I lied, OK?” James bursts out. “I told you I didn’t want Brussels because I thought it was what you wanted. But I do want it, and they really want me, and I’m tired of compromising. This opportunity is huge. There won’t be another like it.”
“Right.” I can see Demeter’s eyes flicking back and forth nervously. “I see. Yes. Right. So…we move to Brussels?”
“No! You have your job…the children’s schools….” He spreads his hands. “They’ve talked about a three-year fixed contract. After that, who knows? I hope I can find another great opportunity in London. But for now…” James leans forward and waits till she lifts her gaze to meet his. “I want this. You wanted Cooper Clemmow…I want this.”
“Well, then.” Her fingers are meshing on the table. “You have to take it. We’ll make it work.”
“Oh God— You’re always so bloody generous.” He screws up his face, a fist to his forehead. “I’m sorry. I’ve been a bastard.”
“No, no,” says Demeter at once. “You haven’t. You’ve been unhappy. I get that now.”
“And a bastard.”
“A bit of a bastard.” Demeter gives a reluctant little smile and he smiles back, with those handsome crow’s feet.
For a while there’s silence. They’re both just looking at each other. I sense they’re mentally straightening things out a bit. And now maybe I can see why they might have married each other. But bloody hell. What a roller coaster.
“You supported me,” says Demeter, spinning her coffee cup slowly on her saucer. “When I moved to Cooper Clemmow. You supported me and you turned down Brussels. And you’ve been miserable ever since. I can see that now.”
“I think…” James exhales sharply. “I should have been more honest. I thought I could just not-want it. If I tried hard enough.”
“You can’t make yourself not-want things.” Demeter gives him a wry smile. “Idiot.”
“But this job is big.”
“All right, then.” She exhales gustily. “We can do big. We’ll survive. So what happens next?”
“They want to talk to me.” He pauses. “Tomorrow.”
“Tomorrow?” Demeter looks at him in horror. “But we’re on holiday! When were you going to—”
“I’ll nip up to Gatwick this afternoon. I’ll be there and back in…what? Seventy-two hours.”
“Seventy-two hours? Why so long?”
“They want a couple of meetings….” James takes both her hands in his. “Look, I know it’s not ideal. But you’re busy here. It’s fun. The children won’t even know I’ve gone.”
“Right.” Demeter sags slightly. “I suppose I’d better get used to you being away.”
“We’ll need to work it out. But it’ll be good.” James’s face has become animated; there’s a new, positive energy about him. “So I’ll just go and call them, confirm it for definite. I love you.”
“I love you,” echoes Demeter, shaking her head ruefully, as though she’s saying it despite herself.
James leans forward and kisses Demeter with a tenderness which surprises me. Then he leaves the barn without even noticing me. Demeter doesn’t move for a while. She seems a bit dumbstruck; her face is wearier than ever.
But at last she rouses herself. She pulls out her phone and starts to text. As she’s doing so, the light comes back into her eyes. There’s even a little half smile at her lips.
Well, thank God. Because I was getting a bit worried about her there.
She finishes her text, puts down her phone, and leans back in her chair—then notices me.
“Oh, Katie,” she says, in her old, imperious manner. “I wanted to check with you—we will be doing another bespoke activity tomorrow? Because obviously I won’t be doing the mushroom-foraging.”
I stare back dumbly, not knowing how to respond. I don’t even know how to see her anymore.
All I could see before was the nightmare boss with a perfect, glossy life. But now what do I see? Just a person. A person with hang-ups and problems and flaws like the rest of us. Who’s basically trying to do her best, even if it comes out badly. I have a sudden memory of her lying on the muddy grass in her Vedari sack and bite my lip. Maybe that was a bit harsh. Maybe it’s all been a bit harsh.
“OK,” I say. “You’re on, Demeter. We’ll do a bespoke activity.”
A nice activity, I decide. Something fun. We’ll spend the morning together, doing something genuinely enjoyable. I’m kind of—almost—looking forward to it.
—
A taxi arrives in the yard for James at three o’clock, and from the kitchen window I watch him get into it. Demeter kisses him goodbye, then wanders slowly back. She’s scrolling down her emails again, and I hear her exclaim, “No!” incredulously, as though yet again the world makes no sense.
Still engrossed, she heads toward the bench and table where her kids are sitting.
“Mum.” Coco glares at her. “You forgot to pack my Abercrombie and Fitch hoodie.”
“What?” Demeter seems confused. “Hoodie? You’re wearing a hoodie.”
“My other hoodie. This one’s all frayed.”
“But you packed yourself, darling.”
“You said you’d double-check!”
“Coco…” Demeter puts a hand to her head. “I can’t take care of your packing as well as everything else. Anyway, you’ve got a hoodie. It’s fine.”
“Oh, great. So I have to do it all myself, even though I’ve got to study. Which you keep telling me is important.” Coco practically snarls at her mum. “Mrs. Invisible rules again.”
“Don’t call me that, please.” I can tell Demeter’s finding it hard to keep calm. “You have a hoodie.”
“I didn’t want this hoodie.” Coco plucks disparagingly at her hoodie, which is from Jack Wills and probably cost, like, sixty quid.
I’m listening in utter disbelief. Who does this girl think she is? And what the hell has happened to Demeter? Where’s the strong, powerful über-woman I know from work? She seems to fade away as soon as she’s with her children, leaving only this anxious, craven person I don’t recognize. It’s weird. It’s wrong.