And shortly after that, Lily found them.
It was strange. Despite everything coming together, Carla didn’t feel the expected satisfaction of revenge.
Instead, she felt cheap. Dirty.
Lily’s face was white under the street lamp. Her glaring eyes belonged to a wild animal. Carla was scared. Ed saw that. He put his arm around her protectively, even though she could feel his body shaking too. ‘We love each other,’ he kept saying to Lily. ‘We want to be with each other for ever.’
‘We couldn’t help it,’ Carla stammered.
Lily snarled. Yes! Snarled. ‘Of course you could.’ Then she began to weep, which was worse. ‘I’ve helped you so much. Is this how you repay me?’
‘Repay?’ Carla’s voice rose into the night air and a passer-by turned to look. ‘You were the one who should have repaid me. I heard you in Devon telling Ed that you ignored my letters from Italy.’
‘I –’
‘Don’t deny it. Don’t try any of those lawyer lies on me, because I know them all myself.’ She was sweating now with indignation. ‘If you hadn’t told Larry to leave my mother alone, we would have been all right.’
Lily’s laugh was brittle. ‘Is that what you really think, you silly little girl?’
‘I’m not –’
‘Listen to me.’
For a minute, it looked as though Lily was going to grab her by the neck. ‘If Tony could deceive his wife, don’t you think he could have deceived you and your mother as well?’
Carla had a flashback to the woman in the car with the bright lipstick.
‘I did you both a favour. Trust me. Just like you’ve done me a favour – both of you.’ Then she swung round to face Ed. ‘If it hadn’t been for Tom, I’d have left you years ago. Take this child,’ she gesticulated towards Carla, ‘and go.’
Then she swivelled round to face Carla again. ‘You’ll soon find out what he’s like. And if you think you’re going to get any money out of this, you’re mistaken.’
Ed’s hand tightened on hers. They were as strong as the waves of fear that were tightening her chest. ‘I’ve heard enough of this. Come on, Carla. We’re going.’
‘No.’ Lily’s voice was stronger than she had ever heard it. ‘I’m the one who’s going. Do you think I really want to go back to that house, knowing that you two have probably been at it like rabbits when I’ve been working? Besides, it will only have to be sold now anyway. Here.’ She tossed the keys at Carla. ‘Take my set too. I’ll be in touch about my things. Just get out of my sight. Both of you.’
Hang on, Carla wanted to say. This isn’t how I thought it would be. But Ed had gripped her hand so tightly that it almost hurt. Then he hailed a taxi and they went home. ‘Where will Lily go?’ she asked as they opened the front door to be greeted by Lily’s belongings everywhere: her white coat hanging on the hook in the hall; her heels neatly positioned by the door.
‘She’ll be all right,’ said Ed, drawing her to him. ‘She’s tougher than she looks. Look how she had us followed.’
‘Really?’ Carla tried to sound innocent.
‘How else do you think she found us?’
But Carla could not sleep for worrying. Supposing Lily did something stupid like jumping off a bridge, like some poor man had done only a week ago? What do you care? Mamma might have said. Yet for some reason, she did. For the first time, Carla wondered if Lily had been right when she said she’d done them a favour in pushing Larry away. Then there had been that final throwaway line. If you think you’re going to get any money out of this, you’re mistaken.
All night, Carla tossed and turned. When she woke in the morning, to find Ed’s head on her chest like a child in need of comfort, Carla felt another flash of misgiving. Then he woke, smiled and stretched out in the wide bed as the sun streamed in through the cream shutters.
‘Isn’t this amazing?’ he said, tracing her breast with his forefinger. ‘We were meant for each other. And now we’ll be together for ever.’
Wasn’t that what she’d wanted? But all she could think of were those grey hairs on his chest, that little bald spot in the middle of his hair, and the tears on Lily’s face from the night before.
The headlines came swiftly:
PAINTER LEAVES WIFE FOR SEXY ITALIAN SITTER
ARTIST BLOTS CANVAS FOR ITALIAN GIRL GROWN UP
‘I’m definitely keeping the house,’ Ed told her a few days later. ‘I’m going to borrow some money so I can buy Lily out. She’s going to leave London and set up a practice in Devon near Tom. It’s the best thing for everyone.’
‘But will we have enough to live on?’
He held her in his arms. ‘Don’t worry about that.’
She took a deep breath. ‘I’m broke, Ed.’
‘Don’t worry.’ He kissed the top of her head. ‘I will look after you now.’
‘But I don’t have any cash.’
Then he reached into his back pocket and peeled off some notes. ‘Is that enough?’
Her heart filled with relief. ‘Thank you.’
Of course, she banked most of it and sent a transfer straight to Mamma.
For a few weeks, Carla’s doubts began to fade. There was something rather flattering about living with a famous painter. They went to nice restaurants. Waiters bobbed obsequiously. They were the couple of the moment. Everyone knew them.
She didn’t have to worry about paying rent or bills. Edward – she liked to give him his full name at times – bought her lovely clothes. So Lily had been lying about the money! She even managed to stay working in the London office – they could hardly sack her, it would be against the law. And thankfully Lily was no longer there.
Some people of course were cool to begin with. ‘Memories are short,’ Ed reassured her. And he was right. Within a couple of months or so, the coldness began to thaw, especially when one of the partners left his wife for his secretary and everyone had something else to talk about.
As for Ed, he couldn’t have been more attentive. Sometimes too much so. One day, in the post, she received a handwritten note in ink with beautiful sloping writing from Rupert.
Glad to see you are doing so well.
‘Who is that from?’ asked Ed, reading the note over her shoulder.
‘Just a friend from law school.’
‘That kid who came here?’
Uncomfortable memories of Ed finding her and Rupert in the house came back to her.
‘Yes.’
Ed said nothing. But later that night when she put something in the bin, Carla found Rupert’s note torn into tiny bits. ‘Why did you do that?’ she asked him. But instead of replying, he kissed her deeply, and then began to make love to her with a passion that he had not shown for some time.
The shredded note was worth it, Carla told herself, as she lay gasping on the sheets. It was like it had been at the beginning, when Ed was still just enough out of her grasp for him to be exciting. And she suspected he felt the same.
There was nothing like unavailability for attraction. For the first time in ages, she thought of that pencil case. The one she’d stolen from another child. How she had wanted it! But then, when she’d had it, the craze had turned to something else instead. What was wrong with her, she wondered as she felt her way to the bathroom in the dark so as not to disturb Ed, that she always needed something more?
45
Lily
November 2014
‘I can’t eat it now.’ Tom glares at me with fury in his eyes. ‘You’ve moved the cutlery. Look!’
He points angrily at the fork which I have edged a couple of inches to the left to make room for an extra setting. I’ve been looking after Tom for long enough now to remember not to do that, but every now and then something slips and I forget. The results can be spectacular. Like now.
CRASH.