“Spence,” Sheridan whispers, taking me in her arms.
I cling to her as if my life depends on it. After a long time, she pulls back to look at my face, holding it in her hands.
“Are you okay, darling?” she asks softly, her eyes searching mine.
“No,” I whisper. “I am not.”
She takes me in her arms again and holds me tight. “It’s okay. I’m here now, baby. I’ll look after you. We’ll get through this together.”
Charlotte
I wake from my groggy sleep and lie in the darkness.
It’s Christmas Day—the day I was dreading spending without my family. That pain pales into insignificance now. I get a vision of my Spencer waking up alone in his apartment and my bottom lip quivers.
Is he okay?
I will not cry today. I will not cry today, I chant in my head.
Penelope and William had a huge argument and she left the estate last night.
She took Harrison with her… it’s Christmas.
It’s been ten days since I saw Spencer. Ten days without his love…. his touch.
I feel like a part of me has died and I’m trying to learn how to live without a limb.
I’ll get through this, I know I will.
I need to talk to Spencer, but I feel too weak to do so at the moment. I know if I see him now, he will somehow talk me around. I don’t have the strength to say what I need to say without crying and begging for him to turn back time.
To be honest, I don’t know if I ever will.
His love was perfect. It was something I feel I was meant to experience.
But that was before.
We were supposed to be leaving for Santorini in three days. I get a vision of us laughing and driving around on motorbikes the last time we were there, and I close my eyes, hating the way my chest constricts.
How do people do this? How do they bounce back?
I’ve always heard of people going through a bad breakup, but until you’ve actually had your heart ripped out and stomped on, you have no idea of the enormity of it.
It’s like the world is ending.
William needs me today. He’s spending Christmas without his son.
I know the fight they had last night was over Spencer. I heard his name called out as they yelled at each other from upstairs.
I think seeing Spencer opened a can of worms for William. How do you move on when you’ve seen another person making love to your wife? When that person turns up years later as your baby sister’s new boyfriend? It would have to mess your mind up.
I know mine is completely scrambled.
The bitter taste of betrayal fills my mouth.
He had sex with Penelope… more than once.
I could never look at him the same again. He is forever tainted in my eyes.
I keep getting a vision of them naked together, again and again, as if I saw it with my own eyes.
It’s making me sick.
“Charlotte,” my father calls from the hallway of my house. He’s been staying with me since this all happened. I think he’s scared to leave me alone. Scared of what, I’m unsure.
“Yes, Dad.”
He comes into view, peeking around the door. “Merry Christmas, my darling.”
I smile and my eyes fill with tears. He’s the one man I can always rely on.
“Merry Christmas, Dad.”
*
“You know what?” Lara says. “I’m glad this happened. At least now we have proof of what Edward and your father have been saying all along.”
I roll my eyes. “Not helping, Lars.”
We’re sitting out on the front porch of my house on December 26th.
Lara and Beth have come over to try and cheer me up… I think at Edward’s insistence, although Lara is not doing a very good job of it. I had one of the worst days of my life yesterday.
Christmas without Spencer.
“Bullshit. How could you say such a thing?” Beth snaps at her.
Lara shrugs. “They thought something was off and they were right.”
Beth rolls her eyes. “Did Edward tell you that while you were sucking his dick?”
I smirk.
“Will you drop it with the Edward crap?” Lara whines.
Beth is now openly ribbing Lara about Edward, and Lara is avoiding the topic by not answering a direct question. I really do think they either are fucking or have fucked in the past. Which one, I’m not sure. It’s something I don’t like to imagine.
“Will you stop making Spencer out to be the evil villain in this story, because he’s not?” Beth grumbles angrily. “It’s fucking Penelope and her loose vagina that’s caused all this heartache. Spencer wasn’t married. Spencer didn’t have a girlfriend. Who cares who he fucked before he met you?”
“When it was my brother’s wife, I do actually, Beth,” I hit back.
She rolls her eyes at me, choosing not to respond.
“Everybody will know. For the rest of my life, everyone will know that he fucked my brother’s wife. It’s been in every tabloid for a week.” My eyes fill with tears. “I can’t be with someone who’s done that, no matter how much I love them. I can’t get past it.”
“Then go talk to him and break up with him like a real adult.”
Guilt fills me.
“Why are you hiding from him?”
“Because if I see him, he’ll talk me down.”
“Because you know he’s fucking right!” Beth snaps.
“Oh, just shut up, Beth.” Lara sighs. “She can’t be with him after this. She’ll be the laughing stock of society.”
Beth scowls at us both and stands in an outrage. “Lara, I would expect you to bow down to society and suck their balls. But you...” she points at me, “are being fucking ridiculous. Spencer is a wonderful man, and I don’t care what he’s done before he met you because I see how happy he makes you now. If he fucked her now it would be different. But he didn’t, it was years ago. Wake up and smell the damn coffee.”
I stare at her through tears.
She points at me. “You’re going to lose him, and in ten years’ time when Penelope is long divorced from William, and Spencer is happily married to someone else, you’re going to kick yourself for throwing away the best thing that ever happened to you.”
We both stare at her and fear runs through me. What she’s just said is a real possibility.
“Now, I’m going to bed, because you two and this society-shame bullshit is pissing me off.” Before she leaves, Beth turns to me. “I thought you wanted to marry for love, Lottie?”
“I do.”
“You’re not acting like you love him. You’re acting like a selfish little girl—”
“Fuck off, Beth. She is not, she’s being smart, for once,” Lara interrupts.
“Imagine how he’s feeling right now.”
Tears roll down my cheeks.
“You know what? I wish Spencer Jones had fallen in love with me because there is no way in fucking hell I would be sitting here in this fucking prison with you.”
I stare at her.
“Your father didn’t talk to you for eight weeks because he didn’t get his own way, Charlotte.” She throws her hands in the air. “What does that tell you about this fucked up situation? How can you not see it?”
“Stop it, you’re upsetting her,” Lara demands.
“Where was Spencer?” Beth snaps. “Where was Spencer when you needed him?”
I drop my head into my hands as my emotions boil over.
“That’s right, Lottie, Spencer was right by your side the whole fucking time. Never once have you doubted his love for you.”
Wyatt walks around the corner after hearing our raised voices. “What’s going on here?” he asks.
“Nothing.” Beth sighs in disgust. “I’m going to bed. These two and their lack of priorities are making me sick.” The door slams behind her as she disappears.
Wyatt frowns, and his eyes flick to me in question.
“You go to bed, too, Lars. I’ll be up in a minute.” I sigh.
She kisses my cheek and walks inside the house.
“Are you okay?” Wyatt asks softly.
“I hardly know anymore,” I whisper.
He sits on the step at my feet, and we both stare out over the property and into the darkness of the night. He doesn’t say anything, and he doesn’t try to talk me into his way of thinking.
He just stays, and in this moment, that’s all I need.
Spencer
Bang, bang, bang!
What on earth?