“I go away on my own for two to three weeks. Do nothing, speak to nobody, reflect.”
“Where do you go?”
“The Four Seasons in Maui. It has to be the Four Seasons in Maui.”
“You did this?”
“I’ve done it every year since I turned seventeen.”
My face falls. “Every year? You can’t handle things every year?” I ask, oh this is news…. what can’t he handle?
“The first time I went I was a hormonal teenager and my mother was at her wit’s end with me. She sent me to Maui in the hope that I would calm down.” He twists his lips. “I didn’t know anyone, and I didn’t talk to anyone.”
“Were you upset about your father?”
He shrugs. “Yeah. I would start the year off going mad and getting into trouble. My birthday is on the 31st of December, so I would spend the last day of every year waiting for him to call me.” He pauses and stares into space. “And then I’d spend the first day of every new year devastated that he hadn’t.”
“Your birthday is on New Year’s Eve?” I ask.
He smiles softly and nods. “That’s how the TTT trips started. As I grew older, I would go for a different reason.”
“What was the reason?” I reach over and take his hand in mine. “You can tell me. I won’t judge.”
“I thought I was broken. I never felt attached. I would meet all these great women and sleep with them, and then...” He shrugs. “Nothing.”
“Nothing?”
“Seriously, nothing. I would be in bed with them after sex, thinking about work and watching the clock tick to see when it was acceptable to leave without looking like a prick.”
I squeeze his hand and he gives me a sad smile.
“Every year it got worse. I began to beat myself up about being like him. I didn’t want to be near anyone on my birthday. I hated who I was becoming, and I would pretend to my family that I was away so I didn’t have to act happy.”
“Spence,” I whisper sadly. “So, you spent every New Years alone?”
“I did for a long time, until Masters’ wife died. Then Seb and I would spend it with him and the kids. He was in a darker place than I was.”
I smile softly. They are such good friends to look after each other. “What did you do last year?”
He smirks. “Played board games at Masters’ house. Such party animals.”
I pick up his hand and kiss the back of it again. “Can we come back here to Santorini for your birthday this year? We could bring Seb, Masters, and their family, if you like?”
He reaches over and cups my face in his hand, dusting his thumb over my bottom lip. “Do you know that I love you?”
I climb beside him on his deck chair and hold him tight. I get an image of him all alone for so many years on his birthday. New Year’s Eve! It makes me so sad.
“From now on it will be different, Spence,” I whisper as I hold him tight. “Now you have me, and I will never leave you alone.”
He crushes me to him and holds me close. “All this time, I thought I was broken. It turns out I was just waiting for you.”
My eyes fill with tears and we kiss. It’s long, tender, and perfect. “You should take me home for some intimate relations,” I whisper.
He smiles and his eyes widen. “Is it one day?”
“Don’t push your luck.”
*
We stumble into the bar on our last night in Santorini. It’s late, and we are messy. By messy, I mean we’ve had way too many cocktails and we’re laughing like fools.
Everything is hilarious.
I can’t remember ever being this relaxed and carefree. I don’t think I’ve looked in the mirror for three days. I don’t need to. Spencer makes me feel like I’m the most beautiful woman in the world just as I am.
I’m wearing a short yellow beach dress, with my hair down and messy. I have a red flower tucked behind one ear—a flower Spencer picked from a garden for me. He’s wearing a white linen shirt with the top buttons undone, and pink shorts with white hibiscus flowers on them. He’s also donning a bright green dinosaur cap that he bought for his niece.
The bar is practically empty, and there’s a one-man band playing on a small stage. He has a harmonica on a stand, a set of bongos, and a guitar. His long brown dreadlocks give him the ultimate hippy vibe, and his voice is beautiful.
Spencer’s eyes light up and he drags me to the dance floor. He grabs my hands, pushes me out, and then slams me back to his body. “I love this song.” He smiles down at me.
“I’ve never heard this before in my life.”
“Me neither.” He pushes me away and spins me again.
“Then how do you know you love it?”
“I love everything I do with you.” He smirks down at me, and the air swirls between us. Even drunk and disorderly, he’s the most perfect man in the entire world.
The song finishes, and we both clap and cheer to make up for the lack of enthusiasm from everyone else.
“What do you want me to play?” the singer asks in his thick accent.
Spencer points at him and his eyes widen. “Aussie?” he asks.
“Yeah, man.” The guy laughs.
Spencer high fives him as if they are long lost best friends. “I fucking love Australians.”
I turn to see Wyatt and Anthony snickering from the corner. They can deny it all they want but I know they like Spencer, too, now. How could anyone not? He’s the friendliest person I’ve ever known.
“What’s your name?” Spencer asks the singer.
“Reg.” The guy smiles.
“That’s a great name!” Spencer cries, as if it’s the most exciting piece of information he’s ever heard.
I laugh out loud again. Oh man, we are so drunk.
“Play us a song, Reggie.” He picks up my hand and kisses it, waiting for the song to start.
Reg takes a sip of his drink and picks up his guitar. “This song is called ‘Dream Catch Me.’”
Spencer smiles down at me and gives me one of his swoony winks. The song starts, and he begins to move me side to side to the beat. As the words pour out of Reggie, Spencer sings them to me, but with a delay. He’s listening to them first and then repeating everything clearly.
His timing is completely off.
There’s a place I go when I’m alone.
Be anyone I want, be anyone I want to be.
But it is us I see.
We begin to really sway side to side as our dancing gets a bit out of control and I’m laughing as Spencer sings the wrong words as he dances and swings his hips.
His big beautiful smile covers his face as he sings to me and I laugh up at him in the goofy dinosaur hat as he swings me around like a ragdoll.
I cannot believe I’m falling.
Hold me close, don’t let this go.
Dream catch me when I fall.
The chorus breaks out and Spencer lets go of me. He begins to bop, jumping up and down, having the time of his life.
“Jump.” He laughs.
I find myself mirroring his dancing, bopping along with him with a huge goofy smile across my face. What must we look like? Who even cares?
This is so much fun.
The music begins to wind down. “Great song.” Spencer claps. “Play it again.”
“Yes.” I laugh. “Again.”
Reg laughs with us and begins the song from the beginning. This time Spencer sort of knows the words and sings to me as he holds me in his arms.
Be anyone I want to be,
But it is us I see.
There is nobody else on earth tonight.
Only him.
The chorus rings out again and he begins to bop once more.
I throw my head back and laugh, unable to stop myself from joining in. He looks utterly ridiculous in that dinosaur hat, yet he’s the happiest I’ve ever seen him. His huge smile is infectious. I glance over to see the boys are laughing out loud at the spectacle we are making of ourselves.
Spencer spins me around the entire dance floor. “Be anyone I want to be!” he sings to me. “But it is us I see… and I cannot believe I’m falling.” The song begins to wind down and he pulls me close. Our lips touch and he dips me back.
“You know what else I’m going to do one day, angel?” he whispers.
“What?” I smile up at him.
His eyes hold mine. “Marry you.”
My heart stops.
“What?” I whisper.
The chorus kicks in again, and Spencer kisses me quickly, pulling me up to bop around, once more.