Swallowing hard, I straightened my skirt, irrationally sure that everyone who passed me on the street would be able to smell the sex on me. That they would somehow know exactly what—and who—I’d done. And if they could?
Then they would know, like I knew, that I was the biggest idiot who’d ever lived.
I fumbled for my keys as I reached my apartment complex and then made my way inside and ignored the unsteady click of my shoes on the linoleum floors as I headed toward the elevators.
What had I been thinking? Of course my natural inclination might have been to blame my alcohol-addled mind, but that was no use. The second I’d heard Jackson’s voice on the phone, I’d been stone-cold sober. And when I’d heard what he had to say…
I reached my door and made quick work of the lock before making a beeline for my bed. I needed to lie down, to sleep away what I’d done and forget it ever happened. Who knew? Maybe when I woke up tomorrow, all of this was just some bad dream.
Except, of course, it wasn’t bad.
It would have been better—ideal, even—if it had been bad.
Instead, it was perfect. Jackson had worked my body like a fine-tuned machine, and again I was left with another memory to haunt me as I tried to work side by side with him. How would I be able to look at his hands without remembering the way he’d held my hips, hard and commanding? Without the searing memory of his hips slapping against my ass, mingling the pain with my pleasure and heightening both in the process.
I couldn’t. Just like I couldn’t look at his lips without remembering the way they burned against my mouth, the way his tongue stroked mine and coaxed out every begging moan in my body.
Another ache rose between my thighs, and I squeezed them together, fighting the urge to call him and ask for round two—or was it three now?
No matter the number, it couldn’t happen again, no matter what kind of promises he made. When things like that happened in an office, it was only an amount of time before others in the office found out. I wasn’t willing to be the gossip around the water cooler, not for him and not for anyone.
My dignity was simply too important to me.
Breathing deep, I closed my eyes, grabbed a pillow, and shoved it over my face. I couldn’t undo what had been done. I couldn’t go back and force myself not to be swept away by his filthy, tantalizing promises. But I could promise myself that it wouldn’t happen again.
And that was exactly what I was going to do. On Monday, I was going to march into his office and own up to the mistake I’d made. I’d tell him I was sorry if he thought I’d led him on by sleeping with him, but it had been a moment of weakness. I’d tell him what happened had meant nothing to me.
Which it did, of course. It had meant nothing to me. Nothing at all.
If he fired me? Well, I’d faced the challenge of joblessness before, hadn’t I?
And if he didn’t…
I’d find a way to live with the memory of his warm, muscled body pressing into mine and spurring me toward release.
I shoved the pillow harder against my face and debated screaming into it, but before I got the chance, the muffled sounds of something jangly and bright sounded from the floor beside me.
My phone.
Maybe it was Jackson, calling to tell me he didn’t want to go through with his proposition. That he’d thought it through, and now that he’d had me again, he had decided against it.
Lord knows I hadn’t given him a chance to say much when I’d run out of the office like it was on fire after we’d made love.
I snatched my purse from the floor, dug out my phone, and pressed it to my ear, not bothering to check the ID before answering.
“Hello?” I said, realizing with a wince that my voice was breathy and anything but casual.
“Hey, are you okay? You sound like I caught you in the middle of…something.” There was a note of amusement in Hailey’s voice, and I shook my head before realizing she obviously couldn’t see me.
“Um, no, no, I’m fine. What’s up?”
“Not a whole lot. Just calling to see how work has been this past week? I’ve barely heard from you.”
“Oh, right, yeah. It’s fine.”
“Fine? That’s it? You’re the only person I know who can talk about their job for more than five minutes without wanting to hang themselves. Do you hate it or something?”
“No, no.” I chewed on the inside of my cheek, but when I didn’t say anything else, Hailey pressed on.
“You didn’t tell me how your date went either, you know. I’m starting to think you’re cutting me out of your life.”
“No, uh, it was fine.”
“Fine again, huh?” Hailey accused. “All right, what gives?”
“Nothing. What’s with the third degree?”
“I know you better than this, that’s all. I’m not buying the act. I don’t know who you are, but my sister would be shouting at me from here to high heaven about setting her up on a date instead of a casual friend meetup like she asked.”
A note of anger flared in my chest at the memory. “I never said I was happy about what you did, but if I yelled at you for every time you didn’t listen to me, I would have shouted myself hoarse a long time ago.”
“Ah, that sounds a little more familiar,” she said with a snort. “Now spill. What’s going on that you aren’t telling me?”
I could have—and probably should have—lied. She never would have known the truth. But still, I couldn’t bring myself to do it.
“Just things at work are a little more complicated than I’d planned.”
“For you?” Hailey practically choked. “Between all your organizational systems? What could possibly be getting in the way?”
“That date you set me up on, actually,” I replied waspishly.
“He sent something to you at work or something?” she asked, sounding perplexed but interested.
“No, uh…he’s my boss.” I tried to play it off as chill as possible, but there was a long pause on the line, and then Hailey spoke again, slowly and carefully.
“Well, that shouldn’t be such a big deal either. You went on one date with the guy. I don’t see what’s—”
“I slept with him.” I forced the words out, and then, weighing my options, I added, “Plus, I just slept with him again about ten minutes ago.”
“Oh. Em. Gee. Finally. I’ve been waiting for this day to come,” she squealed with glee. “Pop the champagne; you broke a rule.”
“Not technically. He’s the one who makes the rules, and he said…” I shook my head, trying to think of what he’d said that I was willing to repeat aloud. “He said since he’s the boss, it wouldn’t be such a bad thing for us to be casual lovers.”
“Casual lovers?” Hailey repeated. There was no disguising the excitement in her voice now. I hung my head, waiting for her to settle down before I continued.
“So, he doesn’t want to date; he just wants to screw your brains out,” she added matter-of-factly.
I winced. “He didn’t exactly put it that way, but that was the general idea.”
“Well, what did you say?” Hailey pressed.
“I said no.”
“Except you also slept with him, so…sort of still up in the air, isn’t it?”
“You don’t understand. The way the guy looks at me… I can’t even form words. My heart starts going, and then before I know it he’s pulling off my clothes and—” I stopped short, catching myself.
“And what!” Hailey squeaked.
“Maybe you’re the one who needs a boyfriend. I’m not telling you the sordid details of my affair with my boss.”
“Be that as it may, it looks like you have a choice to make.”
“And I’ve made it. He’s not going to fire me if I say no. We’ll just have to find a way to work together.”
“So the sex was bad?” Hailey asked.
“No, the sex was…” I shook my head. “The sex was none of your business.”
“I’m just trying to understand.”
“He’s my boss. What else is there to understand?”
“Well, if you’re not the girl getting the flowers, you’re going to be the one sending them, right?”
I paused. “What do you mean?”