“I can’t disagree with that. In fact, I agree with it.”
“I assume he pays you well.”
Spector put one hand on the bars. “Sometimes it doesn’t seem enough. Like right now.”
“Pangs of conscience?”
“What can you tell me about Mercy Pine?”
“Mr. Buckley already asked. I only just met her. I can’t say I know her.”
“But you spent some time with her. I see you as a quick study. If you’re admin at the Bureau, you would have to be.”
“Do you know the Bureau?” Blum said quickly.
Spector smiled. “Anyone who does what I do has to pay attention to the FBI. Read into that what you will.”
“What do you want to know?”
“I understand she had a rough upbringing under Desiree Atkins.”
“That’s one word for it. And probably not the right one.”
“But she got away and . . . built a life?”
“She did. And she allegedly killed Buckley’s brother, so in his warped mind, her life has to end as recompense of some kind.”
“Did Agent Pine meet her sister?”
“She hasn’t as far as I know. I’m not sure what Mercy did when she found out I was gone.”
“Yes, we thought you two were together. She was watching the house?”
“I’m not quite sure why you didn’t try to take her then.”
“You weren’t the only one wondering that. But I follow orders, I don’t give them.”
“Why do you want to know about her?”
Spector rubbed the single scar on her arm, the remaining souvenir of her own personal hell of a childhood.
“It’s interesting to me how people facing similar challenges in life turn out very differently, by making very different choices.”
“That speaks surely to the individuality of the person in question,” replied Blum, looking intently at Spector. “Did you suffer something similar to Mercy Pine? Which led to different choices for you?”
Spector looked uncomfortable with the bluntness of the query. “I believe I thought I had made the right choices. I guess you would call it being on the side of right, as silly as that sounds.”
“It doesn’t sound silly at all to me. What happened?”
“Meaning?”
“Meaning you clearly are not on the side of right any longer.”
“To use your own words, surely that speaks to the individuality of the person in question.”
Blum cocked her head and looked disappointed. “You know as well as I do that there are limits to how far that argument can be expanded and employed.”
“Perhaps I do.”
“And just so there’s no misassumption on your part: I understand that you’re having this somewhat frank discussion with me because I will shortly not be alive to recount it to anyone else.”
“But I didn’t reveal my name. Does that give you some hope?”
“Not enough,” Blum replied bluntly. She was silent for a bit and then said wistfully, “When I joined the Bureau decades ago, I had a family to raise. There was no question of my becoming a special agent. I don’t even remember who or when the first female agent was.”
Spector said promptly, “Alaska Packard Davidson back in 1922. Her brothers started the Packard car company. She was fifty-four when she became a special investigator for the Bureau of Investigation, the FBI’s predecessor.”
Blum took up the story. “That’s right, I remember that now. But then Hoover became director and got rid of the female agents.”
“But in 1972 Hoover died, and the Bureau graduated the first two female special agents since 1929.”
“Susan Roley,” said Blum. “I don’t know the other.”
“Joanne Pierce,” replied Spector.
Blum gave her an appraising look that simulated the point of a sharp knife, prompting a smiling Spector to say, “That was neatly done, as it now appears clear that you knew all of the Bureau history answers.”
“But that’s beside the point. And with what I now know about you, I am truly saddened.”
Spector’s smile faded. “I don’t recall saying that your opinion of me was important.”
“But it saddens me still. And that’s my prerogative.”
“Everyone makes choices, men and women.”
“And you’ve clearly already made yours. I’m just collateral damage. Some would say I’ve lived long enough. My children are grown. I’m not married. In the end who would miss me for very long? I’ll soon be a faded picture on the wall.”
The blunt response hardened Spector’s look, but a glimmer of a softer underbelly lingered in her eyes. “You don’t strike me as a person who wallows in self-pity.”
“If I wallow in anything, it’s in reality,” replied Blum sharply.
“I hope Pine appreciates you as her admin,” said Spector.
“She will remember me fondly, I hope. If she has the chance to.”
Spector put her face an inch from the bars. She was clearly done scratching around the edges of this back-and-forth conversation. “Look, you seem like a nice lady. I have no doubt you’re a dedicated public servant. The same with your boss. I have no grudge against Mercy Pine, either. She’s obviously had a shitty life. I have no personal beef with any of you.”
“But it’s the old story, right? You have a job to do?”
“There is a lot at stake.”
“There always is when you’re going to take someone’s life. Or at least there should be. It’s supposed to be what separates us from all other animals.” Blum seemed to stare right through the woman. “But you already know that. And it’s not just about choices, is it? Even for former FBI special agents.”
On that Spector pursed her lips, turned, and walked out.
Blum could have felt triumphant with this parting shot.
Yet all she felt was sadness for a life wasted. And more loss yet to come.
CHAPTER
63
MERCY SAT IN HER AGED CIVIC GAZING out the window but not really seeing much. She had many things she could have been thinking about after walking out on her sister. What her mind was riveted on for some reason was that Sally was in her duffel in the Porsche, and she might never see the doll again. Part of Mercy knew this was trivial, bordering on the ridiculous. But she just could not let it go. She ran her hand over the grimy steering wheel and thought about someone else holding Sally right now. And that thought made her mad.
Only it was not really about the doll, she knew. She had just done a full-blown psycho session on her twin. Those things needed to be said, because Mercy had felt all of them. To keep it all bottled up inside was to invite an explosion of an even more epic nature later. Better to let the pressure valve do its thing. Her sister didn’t deserve to be on the receiving end of Mercy’s emotional salvo, but she was the only one handy, and thus she had gotten both barrels.