Last night a human female invited me for dinner and some four-play. (It turned out to be two-play since no one else showed up.) After dinner she wanted to sit in the back of her car to play. Since this was my first social interaction with a human, I was trying to be polite, so I didn’t point out that the nearby field provided a lot more room to run around. I also didn’t point out that she didn’t have any toys. Anyway, she started patting me with her hands and licking at my mouth. When she put her tongue in my mouth, I thought she was hungry despite having just eaten a large dinner. So I obliged and gave her a mouthful of pre-chewed food.
After she got done spitting and screaming, she told me to get out of the car. Then she drove off, and I had to walk home.
Why did she do that?
Signed,
Baffled Wolf
Dear Baffled,
One of the challenges of interspecies relationships is that a particular gesture or signal can mean two very different things. As a Wolf, you responded as you would to a puppy who licked your mouth: you provided food, and your confusion about her reaction is quite natural. However, humans do the licking and tongue maneuvers as play to stimulate the urge to mate. So your companion wasn’t asking for food; she was sending out an invitation to experiment with the first stages of sex. That is what she meant by foreplay. (This is not the same as four who are playing, although Ms. Know-It-All’s research indicates that humans sometimes do that too.)
The Dimwit’s Guide to the Female Mind might assist your efforts in understanding human females. But it must be pointed out that this subject can be a dangerous adventure and should be undertaken with extreme caution. After all, human males have been trying to understand their females for generations, and most of the time they come away from these encounters looking like someone stuck their tails into an electric socket.
Kowalski kept making sounds like something was stuck in his throat. Finally, he managed, “Yeah.” He handed the newsletter back to the boy. “Yeah, that’s true.”
The boy looked at the newsletter, said “Huh,” and walked over to the archway that led into A Little Bite.
Nathan gave the men a nod, then followed the boy.
“The Dimwit’s Guide to the Female Mind?” Monty asked. “Is that a real book?”
“They have one for sale here, and there’s one in the Market Square Library. That one’s been chewed on, so I think someone tried to read it.”
“Have you read it?”
Kowalski choked on a laugh. “Gods, Lieutenant.”
Monty took that to mean no. “You’re getting moved in across the street?” He knew the answer, but the question was an invitation for Karl to tell him some of the things that were going unsaid.
The momentary light mood vanished as if it had never been. Kowalski gave him a look, then focused on the display table, his back to the checkout counter.
Nobody in sight, but that didn’t always mean much with the Others.
“We went to MacDonald’s house this morning to pick up Ruthie’s things,” Kowalski said quietly. “Eve Denby busted ass to get the apartment cleaned and painted for us, and we’ll help her and Pete do the same in the downstairs apartment. Simon Wolfgard came through with his promise to fetch their personal possessions from their old place in the Midwest. The terra indigene in that area packed everything they could, starting with the things that the Denbys had indicated were most important.”
“Personal things,” Monty said just as quietly.
Kowalski nodded. “A lot was left behind. Big stuff like the appliances. Couch. Mattresses.”
Monty understood the outlay of cash that would be required to start over. He was looking at the same. His ex-lover, Elayne, had kept all the furnishings they had bought for the apartment they had shared in Toland. Elayne’s brother had been found dead, and her mother was still listed as missing, so he wasn’t sure who would have to deal with the liquidation of Elayne’s estate.
He supposed Lizzy was now Elayne’s next of kin. He should have a chat with Pete Denby soon to make sure Lizzy’s interests were protected.
“Has Eve or Pete Denby talked to you about registering Lizzy for school in the fall?”
“No.” Monty studied his partner. “Is there something I should know?”
“Eve went to talk to the principal of the school that Sarah and Robert should be attending next fall.”
Monty felt a chill. “Should be?”
“She was told that her offspring had no right to use up resources needed for proper humans.”
“How did they know she wasn’t a proper human?”
“She gave them her new address. I think the school administrators were waiting for the opportunity to reject Eve’s children and use them as a test case for refusing any children whose parents were Wolf lovers.”
“They can’t do that,” Monty protested. “It’s not a private school. We’re talking about a public school run by the city.”
“Ruthie saw a small article in the Lakeside News about a vote that’s about to be taken to privatize all schools. If that happens, they will be able to choose who is admitted.”
“Gods above and below.” Another twist of an emotional knife. How many parents would become members of the HFL if that was the only way their children could be educated?
“Thought you should know,” Kowalski said.
“I appreciate the heads-up.”
“I’d better pay for this book and get back to work before Eve comes looking for me.”
“I’ll see you at the station tomorrow,” Monty said.
“I’m so ready to come back.”
Monty smiled. His smile widened when he heard Simon Wolfgard’s voice coming closer.
“The library is a place where you can borrow books your Courtyard or pack has purchased for everyone to read,” Simon said as he entered the front part of the store, followed by five Wolves. “But a bookstore like Howling Good Reads is where you buy books you want to keep for yourself instead of giving them back.” He walked behind the checkout counter and looked at Kowalski.
“Just this one today.” Kowalski set the book on the counter, then pulled his wallet out of the back pocket of his cutoffs.
“What book did the human buy?” one of the Wolves asked, looking at Simon.
Kowalski held up the book so the Wolves could see the cover.
“Alan Wolfgard wrote that book.”
“Yes. I enjoy his stories.”
The Wolves stared at Kowalski before venturing another comment. “There are bad humans in his stories.”
“Sometimes there are bad humans in stories written by humans,” Kowalski countered.
Another long stare before the Wolves looked at Simon.
“I can show you some of the authors who write those kinds of stories,” Simon said. “Lieutenant Montgomery?”
“A minute of your time, if you can spare it,” Monty said.
Simon nodded before leading the pack of guests to the shelves that had the thrillers. Kowalski waved and left.
“Looks like you’re busy,” Monty said when Simon returned to the counter.
“I am. We are.” Simon paused. “No one had considered that the gaggle of girls would have as many questions as the Addirondak Wolves.”
“Gaggle?”
“It doesn’t sound as dangerous as ‘female pack,’” Simon grumbled. “And Charlie Crowgard arrived last night to visit for a couple of days. We got to hear his song about Teakettle Woman and Broomstick Girl. Charlie told the Wolves that the song was based on Meg and Merri Lee thwarting an attack here in the Courtyard, and that Merri Lee was Teakettle Woman. After that, none of the Wolves wanted to get near her while she was holding a coffeepot.”
Monty laughed. Dealing with the Others was dangerous work, no mistake about that, but the absurd moments like a column in a newsletter or the reaction to a song gave him hope that humans and the terra indigene could still find a way to work together. Then he sobered. “I’m here to ask a favor on Captain Burke’s behalf.”