Chapter 27
Brody
Last night, I watched Alyssa while she slept… lying on her stomach, her face turned toward me. She was breathing deeply, and she looked peaceful.
My stomach cramped violently when I thought of how close she came to getting seriously hurt. When I saw her run down the ramp of that hut, I almost wept in relief. Then I saw that f*ck come after her, pushing her down into the sand, and I went nuts.
I’ve spent the last several months out of jail bemoaning my fate and swearing to the heavens that I would never sacrifice anything for another human again. I’d never give of myself if it meant losing some of myself.
All of that flew out the door when I saw Chad put his hands on her. When I thought of what he might have already done to her… suddenly, nothing mattered anymore. All I cared about was hurting him… ending him.
I know, without a doubt, that had it just been Chad and me, I would have killed him. I would have beaten the vile life right out of him, and I wouldn’t have a moment’s regret.
I am so thankful Wyatt stopped me, because after sound reasoning returned, I clearly would have one regret. I would lose Alyssa if I went back to jail, and that is something I just can’t do without.
But there is something else that needs to be done before I can have her. I mean, really have her. Before I can devote my entire soul to making her happy. After I watched her sleep for a while, I went into her living room to make some phone calls. I made a simple request to each person I talked to, and they all said ‘yes’.
Then I had no trouble falling asleep once I got in bed and pulled her back into my arms.
Now I stare at her again… propped up on my elbow. Reaching out, I stroke her forehead, careful not to get too near her stitches. Her eyelids flutter, and then she slowly opens them with a sleepy smile.
“Why are you staring at me?” she asks.
“I find I’m doing that a lot since last night.”
She rolls onto her side, tucking her arm under her head. “I’m fine. You know that, right?”
I follow suit, lying back down on my pillow to face her. “I know. Still doesn’t mean that I wasn’t scared shitless last night.”
“I was scared too,” she admits in a small voice, which causes fury to rise within me. She can sense it, so she reaches out and strokes her hand on my chest, trying to soothe my raging monster.
“But you came for me,” she consoles me. “You found me and saved me, and I’m alright.”
With my soul drowning in turmoil, I ask her, “Will you go somewhere with me this morning?”
I had arranged for Savannah to handle The Haven today so Alyssa could rest, but there is one thing I need her to do with me first. One thing that absolutely has to be done today… for my sanity.
“Of course,” she whispers.
So we get showered and dressed. I feed her breakfast, but we don’t say much. I think we’re both lost in a sea of thoughts and emotions.
When we get in the car, she finally asks where we’re going and I tell her, “My parents’ house.”
Then I turn the music up, and she takes that as my cue that I don’t want to talk anymore. And she’s right. I don’t. My mind is too occupied with the things that I’ll be saying soon enough.
The ride doesn’t take long, and it’s a beautiful day on the east coast. The sun is a brilliant Carolina blue with fluffy white clouds occasionally blotting out the blazing sun, throwing monstrous shadows on the blue-green ocean. The beaches are packed as we head south to Avon and part of me longs to pull over, take Alyssa out on the sand, and let the heat of the sun bake our worries away.
Maybe we’ll do that when we get back home.
Home.
I use that word as a place synonymous with where Alyssa and I live together. I’m thinking we should officially make this permanent and get rid of my tiny apartment. I hope she’ll be on board with that, but first thing’s first.
We pull up to my parents’ house, and the driveway is filled with other cars. Hunter and Gabby… Casey’s car is here. Jimbo and Wyatt’s car. Alyssa turns to look at me in question but I don’t return it, instead getting out of the car and closing the door. She does the same, following me up the stairs and into my parents’ beach cottage.
When we walk in, everyone is standing in the living room. Alyssa looks around in confusion, especially when her gaze lands on Jimbo standing beside Wyatt. He gives her a warm smile and she returns it, albeit with some bewilderment. Everyone’s faces are somber but clueless, and I know I can’t let them suffer that a minute more.
When I close the door behind us, I look around at everyone and take a deep breath. “Thanks for coming on such short notice. I wanted to talk to you… my family and closest friends, and this was just the easiest way to do it.”
Glancing around the room, faces range from avidly curious (that would be Jimbo), to outright worried, (that would be my mom). I step away from Alyssa and walk up to my mom and dad.
They look at me with love and, of course, my mom with some worry, but they are already accepting of whatever I’m getting ready to say. It’s just the way they are.
I take my mom’s hand, completely aware of the slight shake to it. “Mom… Dad… I’ve been holding something back from you… from everyone in this room, and I need to come clean about it.”
I hear a gasp from behind me, and I know it’s Alyssa. From the corner of my eye, I see Casey’s head turn sharply her way and when I look at her, she’s got her eyes narrowed. My body is so filled with tension… I’m wound so tight that I feel like I might explode. It aches to have this inside of me. It burns that I’m getting ready to hurt everyone.
“Whatever it is,” my dad says with quiet conviction, “we have your back.”
My mom nods and reaches out to touch my face. I close my eyes briefly, and a smile of relief comes to my face. Even though I’m going to hurt them, I know they will still have my back. Turning from my parents, I let my gaze move around the room. I make solid eye contact with everyone, because I want them to know I’m getting ready to share something with each and every one of them.
When my gaze reaches Alyssa, it moves no further, and she smiles at me encouragingly. I return it and while looking only at her, my Alyssa, I talk to everyone else in the room. “I went to prison for a crime I didn’t commit.”
My mom actually cries out in disbelief and pain, which causes me to jerk in shame, but I don’t break my stare with Alyssa. She gives me strength, so I continue. “Stacy was behind the wheel that night, and she asked me to say I was driving. I was confused, terrified that the guy we hit was dying, and I was blinded by what I thought was love. I was messed up in the head, but deep down… I knew what I was doing.”
A loud bang causes everyone to jump, and I turn to see Hunter has punched the wall in anger. It knocks a dent in the drywall. Gabby places her hands on his shoulders while he bows his head down, his jaw muscle ticking furiously. I look over at Casey and tears are pouring down her face, but she weeps silently while looking back at me with sorrow.
I look back at Alyssa briefly, but then turn away, because it’s time for me to do some of this on my own. Bringing my gaze to my parents, I say, “I’m sorry I did that to you. I’m sorry I did that to myself. I was young, stupid, and I ruined not only my life that night, but I hurt most everyone in this room.”
No one says a word. I look around and I see anger, pain, and sympathy.
I look over at Jimbo. “I asked you here not because I want anything from you. What’s done is done, and I’ve accepted the punishment. I just wanted you to know. You said you sensed something about me, and I wanted you to know you sensed right.”
Jimbo, whose gaze is swimming in compassion, smiles at me and nods his understanding.
“I wasn’t ever going to tell this secret I’ve been carrying,” I venture on. I see Hunter jerk slightly, but he doesn’t raise his head. “But then Alyssa found out about it… by mistake. She overheard an argument between Stacy and me… overheard Stacy trying to apologize for it.”
Gabby and Casey both swing their heads toward Alyssa, disbelief that she kept such a secret from them. She stares back at them hard, so they understand that she has no regrets about it and would have taken it to her grave. It’s why I trust her unconditionally.
I walk to Alyssa and grasp onto her shoulders. Leaning forward, I kiss her forehead and she sighs in happiness from my touch.
“Alyssa kept my secret, and it created a bond between us. All of you saw it, and maybe you just thought it was two people connecting romantically, but when I gave part of my burden to Alyssa… I started changing.”
Tears well up in Alyssa’s eyes, and I tilt my head at her in commiseration.
“I started changing because just having one person who knew the truth… one person that wouldn’t label me a monster… it made all the difference in my world. I felt lighter, freer… and I found that I wanted to have a life again.”
I can hear Casey and my mom now crying quietly, but otherwise, you could hear a pin drop. Regardless, I couldn’t tear my gaze away from Alyssa now if I tried.
Leaning in again, I brush my lips against hers. When I pull back, I look deep into her eyes so she understands my commitment to my next words. “I love you, Alyssa. I want to spend the rest of my life with the woman that taught me how to love again. Taught me how to be free. Taught me how to live.”
“I love you so much,” she whispers, followed by a small sob that pops out of her mouth.
“I know, baby,” I tell her, pulling her into me tight for a hug. I sway back and forth with her in my arms, comforting her, comforting me. But I need to say one more thing.
Releasing Alyssa, I turn back to the group… looking around, making eye contact again. Hunter keeps his back turned though, and so I walk up to him and place my hand on his shoulder. “I’m sorry. My actions hurt all of you… took me away from all of you. That’s on me. I just hope you can forgive my foolishness… my selfishness… and let me try to make it up to you.”
For a moment, Hunter does nothing but stand there. Then he raises his head and gives me a look of such painful sorrow that tears brim and leak from my eyes. He opens his arms and pulls me in for a bone-crushing hug, muttering, “It’s okay, Brody. It’s okay.”
Everyone starts talking, softly at first. They approach me, one by one, to give me a hug… or words of understanding… or what I need most… atonement. Casey starts crying loudly when I pull her into my arms. I murmur to her how sorry I am, and that it will all be okay.
One person doesn’t approach me though. I watch my mom walk into the kitchen and out onto the back deck that looks out over the Pamlico Sound. I follow her because I can’t imagine what she’s feeling right now, and she shouldn’t be alone with this knowledge.
When I step out onto the deck and close the door behind me, she turns, giving me a sad smile. I walk up and stand beside her as we silently watch the water lapping gently on the shore.
“I’m angry at you,” she tells me quietly.
“I know.”
“But I also hurt for you.”
“I know that, too.”
“Mostly though… I’m happy. Happy my son didn’t take a human life, because even though it was an accident, well, that has weighed on all of us. But the thing I’m happiest about? I’m happy that you have found love. It’s what I desire most for my children.”
“I love her like I’ve never loved anything before,” I tell her truthfully. “There has been nothing in my life that I’ve loved more.”
Mom reaches out for my hand and gives it a squeeze. “I know, sweet boy. That’s how it should be.”
The back door opens, and Alyssa steps out. She looks at my mom with worry and asks, “Do you two need some more privacy?”
“No,” my mom says with a smile and a welcoming hand gesture. “You belong by his side.”
“Mom,” I say, to get her attention, because she hasn’t let me apologize to her yet.
She just holds a hand up to stop me. “You don’t need to say a word, baby,” she says as she walks into my arms. I hold her close and rest my cheek on the top of her head. Alyssa’s eyes float to mine, and I wonder if she can see the true peace reflected within my own.
“I love you,” I mouth the words to her, so as not to intrude on Mom’s moment.
“I love you, too,” she mouths back to me.
I close my eyes and hug my mom tighter.
***
“When did you know you loved me?” she asks breathlessly, just as I’m poised to push inside of her.
I had just surfaced from between her legs, definitely proving that a smooth face is just as pleasurable against the inside of her thighs as my beard. At least, according to her cries it was just as pleasurable.
I kiss her deep, and it’s so good that I don’t feel compelled to answer her question.
Not just yet anyway.
When I finally pull back so we can both take a breath, I tilt my hips and sink into her with a groan. “I think you grabbed my heart when I watched you bury Jethro. You enslaved my body when you kissed me for the first time in my car. But I think I loved you first when you hugged me for the first time… after you found out the truth about the accident, and I went to your house. You just stepped forward and hugged me. When I asked you why, you said ‘it just called for it’. I think I knew then.”
I lean down and kiss her again, slowly pumping in and out of her.
Feels good… so f*cking good.
Even better that I know she loves me.
“Want to know when I first loved you?” she asks, punctuating the question with a moan because I thrust just a little deeper.
I grin at her, and then pull back halfway only before I slam back in.
“Nope,” I tell her, never missing a stroke.
“No?” she gasps, not because she’s shocked, but because I just hit against something inside of her that causes her to buck wildly. Holy shit, that’s sexy.
I pause my movements for a second so I can tell her, “All that matters is that you’ll love me every day going forward.”
“I will.”
“Good girl,” I tell her, and then it’s on.
I move inside of her faster, grasping at her hands and linking our fingers together. She raises her legs, wrapping them tight around my waist, and then she hangs on for the ride.
We crest fast, and we peak together… always together.
Her lips touch mine… sweetly, and we fall back down.
Together.
Always together.