Chapter Thirty-One
THE TRUCK IS WARM, BUT the reception cold. Mack says nothing for a few blocks. It’s so quiet in the car I can’t stand it.
“So, thanks for the ride,” I finally say, trying to break the ice. It’s horrible to think that he’s blaming me for the fight at Boog’s. And how did he get here so quickly? Was he already in town? Why not with Andie? I want the answers to all these questions, but I’m too embarrassed to ask them.
“No problem.” After a few seconds he glances over at me. “You okay?”
I shrug, not returning his gaze. “Yeah, I’m fine. Just …” I can’t say the rest.
“Just … what?”
I give up quickly on the idea of confessing to Mack. He’s not the confessor type. “You don’t want to know.”
He makes a right turn, and the back end of the truck slides a little. He gets it under control before responding. “I wouldn’t ask if I didn’t.”
I’m debating whether to tell him what’s really on my mind or to make something up when he continues.
“Andie asked me to talk to you about Ian,” he says before I can decide what I’m going to say.
I’m instantly on the defensive. “What about Ian?” I’m kind of offended that she didn’t just bring it up with me herself. Since when does my friend have conversations with me through her husband? That’s not cool. That’s not cool at all. It makes me angry at him that he thinks he can be that person, that intermediary in our friendship that was in place long before he came sauntering into her life, and it makes me doubly angry at Andie. It feels like our friendship is taking a very distant position behind her entire family. And maybe that’s the way it’s supposed to work when a girl gets married and has a baby, but it feels pretty terrible and I don’t like it one bit.
He sighs. “I suppose she’s worried you’ll get hurt.”
“Me? Or is it Ian she’s worried about?” I roll my eyes as I look out the side window at the snow falling in the glow of the streetlights. “Like everyone else in town seems to be.”
“Oh, it’s you she’s worried about. Definitely not Ian, believe me.”
I look at him sharply over his tone. “What’s that mean? You don’t agree with her?”
He taps his thumbs on the steering wheel. “I guess it’s a little complicated where Ian’s concerned.”
“Un-complicate it for me.” I really want to get to the bottom of this thing for Ian. It’s so stupid how he’s gotten stuck in time like he has. Even though I’m no longer planning to get into his Wranglers, it doesn’t mean I don’t want to help him.
“I wish I could.”
“Try.” I’m getting crankier by the second. It’s like Ian is a lost cause to everyone or something, which he totally isn’t.
Mack starts talking, but he doesn’t sound all that tough or confident like I expected him to. He sounds … sad.
“My brother has had a hard time of it lately.”
I resist the urge to snort my disbelief. Ian being the baby of the family has taken on the worst kind of meaning. They totally treat him like he’s ten.
“He finally made the decision to leave town and strike out on his own, which is a pretty big deal around here but more so in my family, and everything got messed up.”
“So?” I counter. “You move on from stuff like that. You don’t wallow in it for three years.”
Mack shakes his head. “No, it’s not that simple. See, he’s been living in my shadow his whole life. I don’t like it any more than he does, but it’s a fact. Getting into architecture was his way of trying to distance himself, to be his own person.”
“Well, it is very different from ranching.”
“Yeah. The problem is, he’s not really interested in doing architecture. Not at all, actually.”
I frown. This is the first I’m hearing of this. “What? He didn’t say that to me.”
“How much has he told you?” Mack looks at me for a moment before going back to focusing on his driving.
I shrug, trying to remember. “Not much. Just that he’s not a fan of the winters here but he likes taking care of the animals. I think that’s what he was saying, anyway.”
Mack nods. “That’s about right. Fact is, he was all set to move to Portland and be this person he really didn’t want to be, just to get out of here.”
“Sooo … Ginny messing that up wasn’t really a bad thing is what you’re saying.”
“Weeelll, it was and it wasn’t, depending on your perspective.”
“How so?” I feel like I’m being given the keys to the kingdom here, learning all Ian’s secrets.
“It was good in that it kept him from making two mistakes. Ginny being number one, and starting a career he doesn’t really like deep down being number two.”
“And what’s the bad part?”
“He had to start all over. Back under my shadow with the added rumors going around that I destroyed his marriage and chance at life.”
“He doesn’t believe that garbage.” I’m mad at the people who are saying those things, whoever they are.
“Not on the surface, but I’d be willing to bet there’s a piece of him that does believe it … the piece that doesn’t want to get up and start over.”
“See? That’s what I’m saying.” I’m getting all excited. “You get it, Mack. He’s totally wallowing in the past. He just needs to forget all that and move on. I mean, all of it. Being under your shadow, Ginny, the architecture thing … everything.”
Mack chuckles. “You got it all figured out.”
“Of course I do. That’s my special talent you know … solutions. You’ve got problems, I’ve got solutions.”
“So what’s your solution to the problem of an almost thirty year old guy who doesn’t want to move on? What’s the solution there?”
I chew on my lip as I consider what my plan of attack would be, if I were still into Ian, which I am not.
“First, I’d talk to all his friends and family and tell them to stop feeling sorry for his sorry, pity-partied-out butt.”
“Then what?” Mack’s voice has laughter in it, but he’s holding back, so I continue.
“I’d sit him down and ask him what he really wants to do with his life. If it isn’t ranching and it isn’t architecture, it has to be something.”
“Okay, sounds reasonable. And then?”
“And then I’d kick him in the butt until he went after it. Went to school or started doing that thing, whatever it is.” I smile and look at Mac. “See? Simple.”
He nods. “I agree. When do we start?”
I blink a few times as his words sink in.
The truck goes silent.
“Well?” he prompts. “When? Tomorrow?”
I shake my head. “No, not me. Someone else has to do all this.”
“Why not you?”
“Because.”
“You like him, I know you do.”
My face goes red, but he can’t see it because it’s too dark, thank goodness. “Sure, I like him. As a friend.”
He chuckles. “You always chase your friends around the house naked?”
“Maybe.” Now my face is on fire. His whole family saw that, and now my humiliation is back full force with him bringing it up.
“I doubt it. Andie says you like him, so I know you do.”
“Andie’s wrong a lot, you should know that about her,” I say.
“Oh, I don’t think so. I’m pretty sure she’s right a hundred percent of the time.”
I look over to catch him smiling. It’s sweet and annoying all at the same time.
“You are so whipped it’s not even funny.” I try to sound disgusted instead of jealous. I’m happy my friend has Mack beside her when he’s clearly awesome, but it makes me acutely aware of the fact that I don’t have something like that and I want it. I want it bad.
“Whipped and proud to be.” He looks over, catching me scowling at him. “Ian’s the same kind of guy, you know. Once he loves a girl, there’s no going back. He’s in for life and there’ll never be another one for him.”
I swallow with effort, the feeling inside me difficult to understand. It hurts way too much. “That’s why he’s so messed up over Ginny, is that what you’re saying?”
“No, that’s not what I’m saying. Not at all. He never felt that way about her.”
I look over to see if he’s joking, but he seems serious. “I find that hard to believe. They were together forever.”
“Yeah, but Ian wasn’t there. The real Ian was never there with her. He was always acting like the guy he thought she wanted him to be.”
“The architect,” I say.
“Exactly. Did he ever tell you that it was her idea?”
“What?”
“Yeah. She was with him in high school. She controlled his class schedule, told him she thought he was suited to drawing buildings and stuff. She always wanted to leave this place.” He sighs. “Called it a hick town.”
“She sounds like a manipulative bitch.”
Mack sighs. “He was her way out. I can’t blame her for seeing her opportunity and taking it. I just wish it wasn’t on my brother’s back.”
“But she’s still here. I’m sorry, Mack, but this makes no sense to me. This isn’t the eighteen hundreds. If Ginny wanted to leave, she could easily do that. And you’re telling me Ian was a pushover? I don’t think so. He’s totally bullheaded.”
“Ian may be bullheaded on the surface, but when he’s with a girl, he’s different, focused on making her happy. That’s what we were taught by our father so that’s just how we do things. The reason Ginny’s still here is she hasn’t found someone to hitch her wagon to yet that’s leaving. But she will someday, believe me. She wasn’t meant for this place.”
The idea of Ian being putty in my hands when to everyone else he’s a pigheaded jerk has enough appeal that I’m starting to think about his Wranglers again and seeing them in a pile on the floor. It’s that bad-boy syndrome thing again. Argh, I totally hate my hormones sometimes.
“What was that like when Ginny made a move on you?” The question just pops out of my mouth without any warning, but now that it’s out there, I’m curious enough to hear the answer that I don’t correct myself and withdraw the question.
“Awful. Terrible.” Mack’s hands squeeze the steering wheel so hard his veins pop out. “One of the worst days of my life, actually.”
“Why?” It’s kind of fascinating how worked up he is over it, even after all this time. Most guys are flattered when a girl goes for it, even if it is inappropriate … sometimes more so when it is.
“Because it was so wrong. I knew as soon as it happened that it would destroy my brother. And I didn’t ask for it. I didn’t even see it coming. I keep thinking maybe I should have, and if I had, I could have stopped it.”
That answer annoys me. “So essentially it’s your fault that Ian’s life is destroyed.” More of this enabler stuff. No wonder Ian’s so messed up.
Mack takes a while to answer. “No, not exactly.” He looks at me, his expression serious and possibly tortured. “Haven’t you ever made a huge mistake in judgment, not seen something coming to be able to stop it, and lived to regret it? Seen someone’s life changed, irreparably changed, and known that you had a hand in it?”
I think on that for a while before I answer. “No, I haven’t. But I can imagine that it would suck.”
He nods, back to looking at the road. “Yeah. It sucks, that’s a fact.”
I’m so confused. I wanted to be over Ian and not caring about his life, but now Mack has me thinking about him again, wondering about how the course of events in Mack’s word altered Ian’s life so drastically. Little things became big things and what was wrong became both right and then wrong at the same time. No wonder Ian doesn’t know up from down or in from out. I’d be dizzy too if I were him. There’s not just enabling going on here. There’s guilt and blame and … love.
I look at Mack and my heart kind of melts over how upset he is. He really loves his brother a lot. It makes me wish I had a big brother like him.
“You’re a good guy, Mack. I’m glad you and Andie found each other.”
“I thank God every day that he put her in my path.”
I laugh. “Even though you got doused with a cocktail?”
He laughs with me. “Yeah, even though. I still have that shirt, you know. Haven’t washed it.”
“I don’t know whether to find that charming or disturbing.”
“Andie says it’s charming.”
“She would.” I say that as if I’m insulting her, but really I’m just jealous. Every girl should have a guy like Mack saving their dirty shirts for the memories they hold.
The truck goes silent until we’re nearly back at the ranch.
“So when do we start the plan?” Mack asks as we pass through the archway leading into the ranch property.
“What plan?”
“The plan to get Ian back on track.”
My heart skips a beat as I imagine my role in that whole scenario. “Whenever you want, I guess. I’m not going to be a part of it. I’m leaving in less than two weeks.”
Mack slows to a stop and puts the truck in Park. He looks at me, leaving the engine running. “It won’t work without you, Candice.”
I pause, my hand on the door ready to open it. “Why not?”
“Because. You’re the only girl he’s had any interest in since he was thirteen years old, and he needs a reason to change. You could be that reason. I think he needs you.”
My jaw drops open. Is this really Mack sitting next to me or has some alien who’s watched too many soap operas from the eighties invaded his body?
“I have to go,” I say, opening the door and sliding down to the snow. I only slip a little when my feet hit the ground, but since I’ve learned to hang onto doors and seats until I have a steady grip I’m okay. My jeans stay dry.
“Think about it!” Mack yells as I slam the door shut.
I trot across the ground, anxious to put some distance between us. There’s no way I can respond intelligently to his ideas because my head is just a giant tornado inside.
Around and around the thoughts and emotions go, getting all tangled together. Could I help Ian without falling in love with him? And if I did fall in love with him, could I leave him behind and go back to my old life? I’m afraid the answer to both questions is no, so as I mount the stairs to my temporary room, I try to think of another way I can help him move on while not destroying myself in the process.