“Because now you’ve decided you’re ready? Fuck you, David. It’s been a month. Twenty-eight days without a word. I’m sorry about your brother, but no.”
“I wanted to make sure I was coming after you for the right reasons.”
“I don’t even know what that means.”
“Ev—”
“No.” I shook my head, hurt and fury pushing me hard. So I pushed at him even harder, sending him back a step. He hit the wall and I had nowhere else to go with him. But that didn’t stop me.
I went to push at him again and he grabbed my hands. “Calm down.”
“No!”
His hands encircled my wrists. He gritted his teeth, grinding his molars together. I heard it. Impressive that he didn’t crack anything. “No, what? No to talking now? What? What do you mean?”
“I mean no to everything and anything to do with you.” My words echoed through the narrow alleyway, up the sides of the buildings until they emptied out into the uncaring night sky. “We’re finished, remember? You’re fucking done with me. I’m nothing to you. You said so yourself.”
“I was wrong. Goddamn it, Ev. Calm down. Listen to me.”
“Let me go.”
“I’m sorry. But it’s not what you think.”
Out of options, I got in his face. “You don’t get to come here now. You lied to me. You cheated on me.”
“Baby—”
“Don’t you dare call me that,” I yelled.
“I’m sorry.” His gaze roamed my face, searching for sense maybe. He was shit out of luck. “I’m sorry.”
“Stop.”
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” Over and over he said, chanting the most worthless words in all of time and space. I had to stop it. Shut him up before he drove me insane. I smashed my mouth to his, halting the useless litany. He groaned and kissed me back hard, bruising my lips, hurting me. But then I hurt him too. The pain helped. I pushed my tongue into his mouth, taking what was supposed to be mine. In that moment I hated him and I loved him. There didn’t seem to be any difference.
My hands were freed and I wound them around his neck. He turned us, setting my back to the rough brick wall. His touch burned through my skin and bones. It all happened so fast, there wasn’t time to wonder about the wisdom of it. He pushed up my dress and tore at my panties. They didn’t stand a chance. The cool of the night air and the heat of his palms smoothed over my thighs.
“I missed you so fucking much,” he groaned.
“David.”
He lowered his zipper and pushed down the front of his jeans. Then he lifted my leg, bringing it up to his hip. My hands dragged at his neck. I think I was trying to climb him. There wasn’t much thought going into it. Just the drive to get as close to him as physically possible. He nipped at my lips, taking my mouth in another hard kiss. His cock pushed against me, easing into me. The feel of him filling me made my head spin. The slight ache as he stretched me. His other hand slid around beneath my butt then he lifted me up, pushing in all the way, making me moan. I wrapped my legs around him and held on tight. He pounded himself into me with nil finesse. Rough suited both our moods. My fingernails clawed at his neck, my heels drumming his ass. His teeth pressed hard into the side of my neck. The pain was perfect.
“Harder,” I panted.
“Fuck yes.”
The rough brickwork abraded my back, pulling at the fabric of my dress. The hard drive of his cock took my breath away. I clung on tight, trying to savor the feel of him, the tension building inside me. It was all too much and still not enough. The thought that this could be our last time, a brutally angry joining like this … I wanted to cry but I didn’t have the tears. His fingers dug into my ass cheeks, marking my flesh. The pressure inside me grew higher and higher. He changed his angle slightly, hitting my clit, and I came hard, my arms wrapped around his head, my cheek pressed against his. His beard brushed against up my face. My whole body shuddered and shook.
“Evelyn,” he snarled, grinding himself into me, emptying himself inside me.
Every muscle in my body went liquid. It was all I could do to hang onto him.
“It’s fine, baby.” His mouth pressed against my damp face. “It’ll be okay, I promise. I’ll fix it.”
“P-put me down.”
His shoulders rose and fell on a harsh breath and carefully he did so. Quickly I pulled down the skirt of my dress, set myself to rights. Like that was even possible. This situation was out of control. Without fuss he pulled up his jeans, made himself presentable. I looked everywhere but at him. An alleyway. Holy hell.
“Are you alright?” His fingers brushed over my face, tucked back my hair. Until I put a hand to his chest, forcing him back a step. Well, not forcing him. He chose to give me my space.
“I … um.” I licked my lips and tried again. “I need to go home.”
“Come on, I’ll get us a cab.”
“No. I’m sorry. I know I started this. But …” I shook my head.
David hung his.
“That was goodbye.”
“Like fuck it was. Don’t you even try to tell me that.” His finger slid beneath my chin, making me look at him. “We are not finished, you hear me? Not even fucking remotely. New plan. I’m not leaving Portland until we’ve talked this out. I promise you that.”
“Not tonight.”
“No. Not tonight. Tomorrow then?”
I opened my mouth but nothing came out. I had no idea what I wanted to say. My fingernails dug into my sides through my dress. What I wanted these days was a mystery even to me. To stop hurting would be nice. To remove all memory of him from my head and heart. To get my breathing back under control.
“Tomorrow,” he repeated.
“I don’t know.” Now I felt tired, facing him. I could have slept for a year. My shoulders slumped and my brain stalled.
He just stared at me, eyes intense. “Okay.”
Where that left us, I had no idea. But I nodded as if something had been decided.
“Good,” he said, taking a deep breath.
My muscles still trembled. Semen slid down the inside of my leg. Shit. We’d had the talk, but things had been different back then.
“David, you practiced safe sex, right, the last month?”
“You have nothing to worry about.”
“Good.”
He took a step toward me. “As far as I’m concerned we’re still married. So no, Evelyn, I haven’t been fucking around on you.”
I had nothing. My knees wavered. Probably due to the recent action they’d seen. Relief over him not taking to the groupies with a vengeance after our split couldn’t be part of it, surely. I didn’t even want to think about Martha, that tentacle-wielding sea monster from the deep.
Sex was so messy. Love was far and away worse.
One of us had to go. He made no move so I left, hightailing it back toward the club to find Amanda and Jo. I needed new panties and a heart transplant. I needed to go home. He followed me, opening the door. The heavy bass of the music boomed out into the night.
I rushed into the ladies’ room and locked myself into a stall to clean up. When I came out to wash my hands, looking in the mirror was hard. The harsh fluorescent lighting did me no favors. My long blonde hair hung around my face a knotted mess care of David’s hands. My eyes were wide and wounded. I looked terrified, but of what I didn’t want to say. Also, there was the mother of all hickeys forming on my neck. Hell.
A couple of girls came in, giggling and casting longing looks back over their shoulders. Before the door swung shut, I caught a glance of David leaning against the wall opposite, waiting, staring at his boots. The girls’ excited chatter was jarringly loud. But they made no mention of his name. David’s disguise was holding up. Arms wrapped around myself, I went out to meet him.
“Ready to go?” he asked, pushing off from the wall.
“Yeah.”
We made our way back through the club, dodging dancers and drunkards, searching for Amanda and Jo. They were on the edge of the dance floor, talking. Amanda had her cranky face on.
She took me in and a brow arched. “Are you fucking kidding me?”
“Thanks for asking me out, guys. But I’m going to head home,” I said, ignoring the pointed look.