“Wait,” I said, my voice high and needy.
“What, baby?”
“I want you inside of me.”
He eased a finger into me, massaging an area behind my clit that made me see stars. Still, it was wrong, wildly insufficient. Not a bit funny. It would be a tragedy to have to kill him but he was really pushing it.
“David. Please.”
“No good?”
“I want you.”
“And I want you. I’m crazy about you.”
“But—”
“How about I get you off with a shower head? Wouldn’t that be nice?”
I actually stamped my foot, despite my wobbling knees. “No.”
At which point my husband cracked up laughing and I hated him.
“I thought you were in love with the shower,” he tittered away, highly amused with himself and all but begging for death.
Tears of frustration actually welled in my eyes. “No.”
“You sure? I’m pretty certain I remember hearing you say it.”
“David, for fuck’s sake, I’m in love with you.”
He stilled completely. Even the finger embedded within me stopped moving. There was only the sound of the water falling. You’d think those words would have lost their power. Weren’t we already married? Hadn’t we decided to stay married? Invoking the L-word should have lost its mystical punch, given our crazy situation. But it hadn’t.
Everything changed.
Strong hands turned me and lifted me, leaving my feet dangling precariously in the air. It took me a second to figure out where I was and what had happened. I wrapped my legs and arms around him for safe-keeping, holding on tight. His face … I’d never seen such a fierce, determined expression. It went well beyond lust and closer toward being what I needed from him.
His hands gripped my rear, taking my weight and holding me to him. Slowly, steadily, he lowered me on to him. There was none of the pain this time to rob me of pleasure. Nothing to distract me from the feel of him filling me. It was such a strange, wonderful sensation, having him inside of me. I squirmed, trying to get more comfortable. Instantly, his fingers dug into my butt cheeks.
“Fuck,” he groaned.
“What?”
“Just, just stay still for a minute.”
I scrunched up my nose, concentrated on catching my breath. This sex stuff was tricky. Also, I wanted to memorize every moment of this perfect experience. I didn’t want to forget a thing.
He balanced my back against the shower wall and pushed more fully into me. A startled sound burst out of my mouth. Most closely it resembled “argh”.
“Easy,” he murmured. “You okay?”
I felt really full. Stretched. And it might have felt good. It was hard to tell. I needed him to do something so I could figure out where this new sensation was taking me. “Are you going to move now?”
“If you’re okay now.”
“I’m okay.”
He did move then, watching my face all the while. The slide out lit me up inside in a lovely rush, but the thrust back in got my immediate attention. Whoa. Good or bad, I still couldn’t quite tell. I needed more. He gave it to me, his pelvis shifting against me, keeping the warmth and tension building. My blood felt fever hot, surging through me, burning beneath my skin. I fit my mouth to his, wanting more. Wanting it all. The wet of his mouth and the skill of his tongue. All of him. No one kissed like David. As though kissing me beat breathing, eating, sleeping or anything else he might have otherwise planned to do with the rest of his life.
My back bumped hard against the glass wall and our teeth clinked together. He broke the kiss with a wary look, but he never stopped moving. Harder, faster, he rocked into me. It just got better and better. We needed to do this all the time. Constantly. Nothing else mattered when it was like this between us. Every worry disappeared.
It was so damn good. He was all that I needed.
Then he hit upon some spot inside of me and my whole body seized up, nerves tingling and running riot. My muscles squeezed him tight and he thrust in deep several times in rapid succession. The world blacked out or I closed my eyes. The pressure inside me shattered into a million amazing pieces. It went on and on. My mind left the stratosphere, I was sure of it. Everything sparkled. If it felt anything like that for David, I don’t know how he stayed on his feet. But he did. He stood strong and whole with me clutched tight against him like he’d never let me go.
Eventually, about a decade later, he did set me down. His hands hovered by my waist, just in case. Once my limbs proved trustworthy, he turned me to face the water. With a gentle hand, he cleaned me between my legs. I didn’t get what he was up to at first and tried to back away. Touching anything there right then didn’t seen a smart idea.
“It’s okay,” he said, drawing me back into the spray of water. “Trust me.”
I stood still, flinching out of instinct. He took nothing but care. The whole world seemed weird, everything too close and yet buffered at the same time. Weariness and the best orgasm of my life had undone me.
Next he reached over and turned off the water, stepped out and grabbed two towels. One he tied around his waist, the other he patted me dry with.
“That was good, right?” I asked as he dried off my hair, tending to me. My body still shook and quivered. It seemed like a good sign. My world had been torn apart and remade into some sparkly surreal love-fest thing. If he said it was only okay I might hit him.
“That was fucking incredible,” he corrected, pulling off his towel and throwing it onto the bathroom counter.
Even my grin quivered. I saw it in the mirror. “Yes. It was.”
“Us together, always is.”
Hand in hand we walked back into the bedroom. Being naked in front of him didn’t feel weird for once. There was no hesitation. He discarded his towel and we climbed onto his giant-sized bed, gravitating naturally toward the middle and each other. We both lay on our sides, face to face. I could slip into a coma, I was so worn out. Such a pity to have to close my eyes when he lay right there in front of me. My husband.
“You swore at me,” he said, eyes amused.
“Did I?”
His hand sat atop of my thigh, his thumb sliding back and forth over my hip bone. “Gonna pretend you don’t remember what you said? Really?”
“No. I remember.” Though I hadn’t meant to say it, neither the cuss word nor the declaration of love. But I had. Big girl panties time. “I said I was in love with you.”
“Mm. People say stuff during sex. It happens.”
He was giving me an out but I couldn’t take it. I wouldn’t take it, no matter how tempting. I wasn’t about to diminish the moment like that.
“I am in love with you.” I said, feeling awkward. The same as when I’d said I trusted him, he was going to leave me hanging here too. I knew it.
His gaze lingered on my face, patient and kind. It hurt. Something inside me felt brittle and he brought it straight to the fore. Love made spelunking look sensible. BASE jumping and wrestling bears couldn’t be far behind. But it was much, much too late to worry. The words were already out there. If love was for fools then so be it. At least I’d be an honest one.
He stroked my face with the back of his fingers. “That was a beautiful thing to say.”
“David, it’s okay—”
“You’re so fucking important to me,” he said, stopping me short. “I want you to know that.”
“Thank you.” Ouch, not exactly the words I wanted to hear after I admitted I loved him.
Rising up on one elbow, he brought his lips to mine, kissing me silly. Stroking my tongue with his and taking me over. It left no room for worry.
“I need you again,” he whispered, kneeling between my legs.
This time we did make love. There was no other word for it. He rocked into me at his own pace, pressing his cheek against mine, scratching me with his stubble. His voice went on and on, whispering secrets in my ear. How no one had ever been this right for him. How he wanted to stay just like this as long as could. Sweat dripped off his body, running over my skin before soaking into the bed sheet. He made himself a permanent part of me. It was bliss. Sweet, tender, and slow. Maddeningly slow near the end.
It felt like it went on for forever. I wish it had.