CHAPTER NINE
“What kind of celebration is this?” I asked Jordan after prying my fingers off the seat of the car and forcing my eyes to open. We were parked in front of a huge house, practically a mansion.
“It’s a high school party.” Jordan reached across me to open my door. “No specific purpose other than the absence of parental control.”
I climbed out of the car and looked down at my outfit—skinny jeans, a green V–neck sweater, and black boots. I had even put on a padded bra. That didn’t give me cleavage, though. I felt the sudden urge to button my jacket all the way up so my lack of boobs wouldn’t be the first thing everyone noticed.
“Do I look okay?”
“You look fine.” Jordan grinned at me. “There might be drinking here, so don’t tell my dad.”
We had sort of told Coach Bentley we were going to get low–fat nondairy pizza and then shop for toiletries at Walmart. Then we planned to add on to the story, saying that the wait for a table at the pizza place was an hour, buying us three to four total hours of freedom.
“I might need to have a few drinks,” I said. “Just to loosen me up. I’ll need some liquid courage for all those rounds of spin–the–bottle and twenty minutes in heaven.”
Jordan burst out laughing before leading us toward the door of the party house. “Twenty minutes in heaven, huh? That could get crazy.”
We stepped through the door and entered the world of loud music, beer kegs, and random hookups. Part of me was totally petrified, the other part, fascinated. I just wanted to watch and see what normal looked like.
“Hey! Bentley!” someone shouted from the back patio.
I jumped and then realized Jordan was also Bentley…Jordan Bentley. I let out a breath of relief. He bumped fists with a stocky dark–haired guy whose eyes swept briefly over me and then back to Jordan, one eyebrow raised. “Who’s the cute redhead?”
“Tony, this is Karen,” Jordan said, nodding toward me. “This is Tony’s house.”
“Are you a freshman?” Tony asked, then he snatched a cup from the counter and handed it to me. “You must be a freshman. Three’s your limit, maybe two. You look like a lightweight.”
I started to take a sip, but Jordan stopped me, leaning in to sniff the cup. “It’s all right. I’ll be fine,” I told him. Despite my lack of social experiences, I had drunk alcohol before. I had developed an early taste for wine and my parents had let me drink a glass sometimes. If they weren’t home, Blair and I had been known to sneak another glass.
The drink tasted like iced tea and lemonade…with a kick. It felt warm going down, which was good because Jordan led me outside to stand around a bonfire with about twenty other kids. “I have a confession to make,” he whispered into my ear before we got too close to any of the others. “I did have some selfish motives when I invited you tonight.”
“Like what?”
“There’re two girls I’m trying to avoid, and the best way to do that at a party is to bring another girl.”
I laughed really hard. “You’re kidding. You should have brought someone a little more intimidating than me.”
He grinned down at me when I looked over my shoulder. “No one knows you. The mystery in itself is intimidating enough. Trust me.”
“What do you want me to say?” I asked, half panicking and half looking forward to the challenge of helping Jordan for a change. “If anyone asks who I am?”
Two girls were already striding in our direction, fake smiles plastered on.
“Tell them anything you want,” he said before moving beside me, rather than behind me.
“Hey, Jordan,” the girls said together.
He introduced me without explaining my presence at all, then seconds later, he left to go talk to some guys on the other side of the bonfire. I wasn’t sure whether to be scared or ticked off by Jordan’s departure, but the girls were on me before I had a chance to decide.
“So,” one of the girls said to me, “you must be a freshman, right? I thought you looked familiar.”
I downed about two–thirds of my drink and placed it on a table. That would be just enough alcohol to loosen my tongue, but not enough to tip off Bentley when we got back home.
“How do you know Jordan?” the other girl asked.
“Well…we’re…uh,” I stammered.
They both nodded, looking impressed. “That’s so great you guys are together,” one girl said, holding her hand to her heart as if Jordan was a close relative or something. “I’ve been telling Jordan forever that he needed to get a girlfriend and quit messing around.”
I coughed loudly, nearly choking on the alcohol still burning my throat from thirty seconds ago. “Right…well, it’s only been two dates. It’s not like we’re living together.”
“Two dates is progress for him,” the girl on my left said, rolling her eyes. “Trust me on that.”
“Thanks, guys,” I heard Jordan say. He moved right behind me, resting his hands lightly on my shoulders. “Why don’t you just tell Karen everything you know about me?”
“Whatever,” they said together.
Jordan steered me in the other direction, where Tony and a couple other guys were standing. “Sorry about that.”
“This is our second date, by the way.”
“So our first date was buying tampons? That kind of sucks.”
I shrugged. “That’s what you get for dating a freshman.”
“Are you even in a grade?”
“Technically, I’m a senior like you, but the age of a junior. And apparently the inevitable size of a freshman.”
He dropped his hands from my shoulders and leaned down to whisper in my ear, “But a freshman dating a senior, that makes you pretty freaking cool.”
His breath tickled my neck, giving me goose bumps all over and tugging at my stomach in a weird, unfamiliar way. I held my breath, waiting for it to pass and shaking off the shiver that threatened to run down my spine.
No way could I get a real crush on this boy.
“Are you in, Bentley?” Tony asked, pointing toward the huge hill behind the house.
Jordan scratched the back of his head, glancing at me for a second. “Not tonight.”
“Come on!” another guy said, then he tugged on my coat sleeve, demanding my attention. “You have to see this guy sled down the hill. It’s unbelievable.”
Jordan laughed. “It’s not a big deal.”
“I made fifty bucks last time. I’ve got a video game addiction to fuel,” the guy said.
“What’s the trick?” I finally ventured to ask.
Tony grinned at me. “See? The little girl wants to see you perform, Bentley.”
Little girl?
Tony glanced at my face and then backtracked, trying to fix his insult. He held his hand up waist height. “I just meant short…shorter…”
“Tony’s part ogre,” Jordan said, glaring at his friend. “Everyone looks small to him.”
“Anyway,” Tony said, changing the subject back to Jordan’s infamous trick. “See all those trees at the bottom of the hill?”
I looked down the steep surface and saw virtually no opening for a sled to go through. “Wow, there’s no avoiding hitting something, is there?”
“Sure there is.” Jordan smirked at me. “If you’re quick enough.”
And that was all it took for Coach Bentley’s son to accept a challenge he had originally refused. Or maybe that was part of the game—get everyone begging you to do it. Because that’s exactly what happened.
Ten minutes later, all the party people were lined up on the snowy grass beside the hill chanting Jordan’s name while he trudged up the hill, an orange plastic sled under his arm.
“I’m getting a video of this,” someone beside me said, pulling out a cell phone. “I’ll get twenty thousand views on YouTube by tomorrow morning.”
“A hundred thousand if he doesn’t make it,” another voice said. “Can you imagine the awesome bloodshed if his head slams into a tree?”
My fists clenched into balls as Jordan hopped onto the sled, standing up and riding it down the hill like a surfboard. I’ll admit, I let out a small gasp as he came within a couple feet of a tree, but he jumped off quickly and rolled sideways in the snow. It was a cool trick, but from where I stood, it didn’t look that difficult to time the jumping–off part.
Everyone cheered as Jordan stood up and ran back over to us. I folded my arms over my chest, watching him bump fists with Tony and the other guy who had originally egged him on. Jordan gave me a small bow, looking cocky as hell.
“What’d you think, Karen? Pretty awesome, huh?”
“Looked pretty easy to me,” I said.
We got several “ooohhhs” from his friends and Jordan’s cocky grin fell from his face.
My eyes stayed focused on the hill, forming a plan. The blood was already rushing to my head, making the tips of my fingers tingle. But this time, unlike the tucked back full on beam, I could do something that wouldn’t cause me to miss my parents more than ever.
“Tony,” I said, looking right at him and not at Jordan. “Fifty bucks says I can do a little better than Jordan. I’ll get a foot closer to the tree before I jump off.”
“No way,” Tony said.
The other guy laughed. “That’s cute. How much did you let her drink, Bentley?”
“You know how freshman babies get at their first party,” Tony said. “They end up in the ER getting their stomachs pumped.”
“You’re not drunk, are you?” Jordan asked, dead serious.
I flashed him my best “judges smile.” “Nope, not drunk at all.”
Then I took off to retrieve the orange sled. Of course Jordan jogged after me. “Is this gonna be like the triple back?”
“No, because your dad’s not here to yell at me,” I said, heading up the hill. “Besides, what did you call my routines again? Clean and safe?”
He laughed and kept following me. “Okay, okay! Forget I ever said that. You sure you want to do this?”
“Positive.”
When we got to the top of the hill, I almost chickened out after seeing how steep it really was and estimating the speed I’d generate halfway down. But I didn’t want this awesome rush to fade. Not yet. Jordan gave me a few pointers about when to shift my weight at certain points on the hill. I think most of the kids watching thought I was pulling some corny girlfriend move, sending Jordan off with a kiss or something. So I’m sure there were plenty of shocked faces when it was me who took off, surfing down the hill.
I almost fell off, right at the beginning, but then I leaned onto my back leg and saved it. The hardest part was watching the tracks Jordan had already made (with what little illumination Tony’s back porch lights provided) to make sure I got just a little closer than he had. When I did come within two feet of a huge oak tree, the most awesome rush of excitement and fear shot through my veins. I leapt off the sled, hitting my right shoulder into the snow first and then tumbling sideways. I watched the sled smack into the tree and do its own somersault in the air before landing with a thud.
I lay in the snow, catching my breath and letting the cold wet substance beneath me numb my body from any pain that fall may have caused. A few seconds later, Jordan stood over me laughing. “I’m dead if my dad ever finds out you did this. You know that, right?”
“Uh, yeah.” I accepted the hand he stuck out to help me up. “That was so awesome!”
He brushed the snow out of my hair, then he took off his white Cardinals stocking cap and pulled it over my head. “You must be freezing.”
“I’m in awe,” Tony said when we stood in front of the fire again. “Total awe. I never knew it would take a freshman girl to make Bentley look like an ass. All he does is show off like some Hollywood stunt man. Someone needed to knock him down from his giant pedestal.”
Jordan punched Tony in the arm, but otherwise looked unaffected.I smiled at him and sat in front of the fire, trying to warm my hands and dry my jeans. Jordan adjusted the hat on my head, folding up the bottom to keep it from covering my eyes, then he plopped down next to me on the bench. “Give me your hands.”
I put both hands in front of him and he held them in his, blowing warm air on them. “That’s very boyfriendly of you,” I said. “So what’s up with the girls you’re avoiding?”
He shrugged and moved his thumbs over the backs of my hands, rubbing them gently. “It’s not anything bad. Lindsey, the taller one with overly–perfect teeth, started bugging me about not going out with anyone, like not having a serious girlfriend. I think it was her way of trying to get me to ask her out.”
“But you don’t want to ask her out?” I couldn’t blame him for that. She seemed very annoying and fake.
“Correct,” he said right away. “The problem is, when you turn a girl down and you’re not dating someone else, you’re basically saying that something’s wrong with her. I hate getting into that shit.”
I smiled. “Oh, so you’re secretly nice underneath all your shallow comments and observations of the opposite sex.”
“If I were nice, I’d just be honest and say no, but I’m too chicken to tell a girl why I don’t like her. I mean, who wants to create a complex for someone, right? And your fingers are about five degrees away from frostbite.” He quickly stuck my hands under the front of his shirt, pressing them to his bare stomach.
My heart immediately started pounding. “Uh…is this your way of getting me to feel your abs? Because I’m pretty impressed. You have nice hamstrings, too,” I blurted out.
“I think I would blush if it were someone besides you saying that.” His brown eyes swirled with reflected color from the fire. “But I have a feeling your compliment will be followed by asking me what type of core conditioning I’ve been doing.”
Maybe…
Because I was pretending to be someone’s girlfriend, it was easier to be bold now, kind of like wearing a costume. I pulled my hands from beneath his and gripped his fingers, sliding them under the bottom of my sweater. “Let’s compare. But I’m sure you’ve got me beat.”
Jordan jumped, his gaze zooming in on his hands under my shirt, which I quickly realized meant something completely different than my hands under his shirt. He swallowed hard, his gaze lifting to meet mine.
My face flared up like an oven. “I’m sorry.” I released his hands and shoved them toward his lap. My eyes darted sideways, trying to see if anyone was watching. They were, of course. I stood up keeping my eyes on the hill. “I’m gonna use the bathroom.”
I moved quickly around the bonfire and then around to the side of the house and leaned against the wall, catching my breath. Oh my God. I just put a boy’s hands under my shirt. A little higher and he would have known exactly how big my chest wasn’t.
“Karen?” Jordan said, appearing in front of me. I could barely see him in the dark.
I covered my hands with my face. “Sorry…I wasn’t trying to—I’m just stupid when it comes to this stuff.”
He pried my hands off my face. “I don’t think I’m the first guy at a high school party to get caught feeling up a girl.”
“I know that, but it’s different with me,” I said with a sigh. “I’m not…well…”
“You’re right,” Jordan said. “It is different with you.”
“Don’t want take advantage of the flat–chested freshman who looks like she’s twelve,” I said, closing my eyes, feeling the exhaustion of the entire weekend rolling over me in giant waves. Right at that very moment, I wanted my mom more than I had in weeks. I didn’t care if that made me less mature. She’d know what to say. She’d know about all of this.
“Don’t listen to Tony,” he said. “You do not look twelve, seriously…besides—”
I laughed and opened my eyes, taking in Jordan’s worried expression. “I don’t care about Tony’s comments. It doesn’t bother me. I know what I look like, what other girls my age look like. But I’m not going to have boy hips and a flat chest forever. I won’t be four eleven and three quarters forever. I’m okay with it, really.”
Jordan stepped closer, resting a hand on the red brick beside my head. “I’m gonna kiss you.”
My stomach jumped up toward my heart. “What?”
“I’m going to kiss you.” He had this serious, determined look on his face. “I mean, I won’t if you don’t want me to…”
I could feel my eyes widen as he leaned closer, my heart hammering faster, every other muscle in my body completely frozen. No words of protest were able to fall from my tongue before his mouth was on mine. My eyes drifted shut, my stomach doing a dozen floor routines beneath my rib cage.
Holy crap. Jordan Bentley is kissing me.
His mouth was soft despite the cold air. He pressed his lips more firmly against mine for a second longer before pulling back and slowly opening his eyes.
My heart thudded so loud I could barely hear anything going on in my head. And I really liked when my thoughts were silenced.
Jordan’s forehead wrinkled. “Was that okay?”
“I’m not sure,” I admitted. “It happened so fast. And I’m not sure exactly why you did it?”
Nerves and confusion filled his expression and then he backed away and leaned against the wall beside me. “I’m gonna be totally honest with you and you should appreciate that, considering how rare it is for a guy my age to spill exactly what he’s thinking.”
My chest was still rising and falling, post–treadmill style.
“First of all,” Jordan said, turning his head toward me. “Confidence in a girl is such a turn–on. You have no idea.”
I laughed, despite the awkward tension.
“Second, I never really have anything to offer anyone.” He smirked at me. “Besides my abs and hamstrings.”
I rolled my eyes. “Of course.”
“But with you—” The smile dissolved from his face and I felt my heart flying again. “It feels like I’ve known you forever. And when I think about everything you’re going through, how much I get it…it just makes me want to kiss you.” He paused, watching my face carefully like he was ready for a big reaction of some kind. “I don’t know what that means…I wish I did.”
“You don’t know what it means in the same way you don’t know why you decided to make out with that Sara girl a few weeks ago?” I asked, trying to understand these multiple levels of confusion.
“No, with Sara it was just shallow hormonal driven behavior for both of us,” he said drawing in a deep breath. “Not that kissing you means something serious. That’s what I’m trying to tell you—I don’t know what it means, just that it wasn’t shallow and hormonal. You’ve never thought about kissing me before?”
“No, not really.” But I am now. I chewed at the dry skin around my thumb nail. “And I don’t really think I’ve been all that confident.”
“You’re not insecure about your body or being accepted. How many girls your age do you think are like that?” Jordan asked, giving me his single dimple half smile.
“You’re such a dweeb,” I said, returning the smile. “I am so going to tell everyone here that Jordan Bentley actually used the phrase, ‘insecure about your body.’”
I turned my back on him, pretending to walk toward the bonfire. Jordan hooked his arm around my waist from behind, holding me back. “Don’t even think about it. We share a bathroom, remember? There are so many ways I could get back at you.”
I spun around, not realizing how close my face would be to his. I could see the light brown speckles in his eyes, the little bit of red on the end of his nose from the cold, the scar just above his right eyebrow. “Oh yeah? Like what?”
He nudged me until my back touched the side of the house again. He was so close I could feel his heart pounding just as fast as mine. And my mind turned to hazy, warm fuzziness that covered all the bad thoughts like a thick blanket. One of his arms curved around my back, his other hand resting on my cheek. He leaned down, lowering his face to mine and my hands were reaching up, touching the sides of his neck.
His mouth barely touched mine and then he stopped. “Shit…Karen . . .”
“What?” I managed to whisper.
He lifted his eyes to meet mine. “We can’t do this. Something about it just feels so wrong.”
The world came back into focus and my face must have been bright red with humiliation. I dropped my hands and ducked under his arm. “Let’s just pretend it didn’t happen, okay? The first or the second time.”
Jordan jogged after me. “That’s the thing, I don’t really have to pretend anything with you and I like it that way. Crossing this line changes everything. It’ll be weird with us.”
I turned to face him. He looked so sincere and vulnerable it made me want to kiss him again. “You’re right. No kissing. Just friends.”
Relief washed over his face. “Great.” And then he hugged me really quick, like I had done earlier today. “Now, let’s go home before Coach Bentley figures out that neither of us are capable of eating pizza for three hours.”
***
“You guys look very…” Jordan and I both held our breath, mentally filling in the blank from Coach Bentley—guilty, secretive, intoxicated…”Cold.”
“Oh, yeah. I took Karen sledding,” Jordan said with the ease of a professional con man. “She’s never been before. Talk about a deprived childhood. See why I quit gymnastics, Dad?”
Damn, he’s good. I rolled my eyes behind Jordan’s back. “It’s cold, wet, and there’s really no challenge to it, other than surviving frostbite. I don’t think I missed out on much.”
Coach Bentley shrugged at both of us and then turned his focus back to the TV. By the time I walked into my new bedroom, it smelled completely like…Jordan…like his aftershave stuff in the dark green bottle resting on the back of the toilet. I changed into my warmest pajamas and snuggled up under the covers, sighing with relief that I wouldn’t have to spend another night in that closet. And pretty soon, my old furniture would have a brand new scent after its new owner took it over.
Just before I drifted off to sleep, Jordan flipped on the hall light and stood in my doorway, leaning against the frame. His hair was wet from the shower and looked more brown than blond. He wore St. Louis University flannel pants and no shirt, just a wet towel hanging around his neck.
“A little more comfortable than the closet, huh?”
“Uh–huh.” I closed my eyes again so I didn’t have to stare at his bare chest.
“I’m sorry about earlier. I have a feeling I’m gonna hate myself tomorrow for that.”
“Don’t, seriously,” I mumbled. “It’s not like we were tangled up on the couch with your hand up my skirt.”
The wet towel hit me in the side of the face and I laughed, still too tired to open my eyes. “I am so not picking that up.”
I heard Jordan’s feet creak across my floor as he bent over to retrieve the bathroom towel, his light laughter telling me everything was okay with us. “Good night, Karen.”
“Night, Jordan.”
Even though I agreed with Jordan’s reasoning for not kissing me again, that didn’t keep me from falling asleep thinking about his mouth against mine, his hand resting on my face, the endearing nerves that caused him to spill everything he was feeling. Overall, it really was a great first kiss. I just wouldn’t tell him that. No need to further inflate his ego.