I, however, didn’t move. At first I was stunned at the compliment, but then for some reason, leaving Jimmy alone didn’t feel right. It niggled. What if he got upset again and I wasn’t here to talk him down? His sobriety was too important to risk.
Lips fine, he studied the slowly drying patch on the front of my blouse. “You definitely won’t tell anyone?”
“No. Never.”
The air hissed out between his teeth and his expression calmed. “Okay …”
I nodded, giving him a small smile.
“Listen, Lena?”
“Hmm?”
He turned away. “There’s nothing in here, no pills or booze. I haven’t scored. I’ll do a spit test if you need it, and you can search the room…”
“No, I know,” I said, perplexed. “If there was, you wouldn’t have wanted me to get you something and we’d currently be having an entirely different conversation. Either that or you’d be back in rehab and I’d be out of a job.”
“True.”
Neither of us said anything for a moment. I crossed my arms over my chest, my face stiff, tight with tension.
“You can leave me on my own,” he said. “It’s fine, go get your stuff. Do whatever so we can leave.”
“Right!” One of those false embarrassed little laughs startled out of me. Crap. I’d completely forgotten. “Yes, okay. I’ll get my stuff.”
“Great.” He pushed a hand through his hair the same as he’d done maybe a dozen times a day since I’d come to work for him. It was nothing new. Immediately, however, my heart did the drop-and-squeeze thing again.
No. NO.
It couldn’t be connected to him, I refused to believe it.
“Are you going?” His face skewed with annoyance and thank God for that. His open irritation relieved me no end, we were back to normal.
“Yes, Jimmy. I’m going.”
“Now?”
“Right now.” I strode out, slamming the bedroom door shut behind me.
I did not have feelings for Jimmy Ferris. What a ridiculous thought. He was a former addict. And while I admired and respected him for taking charge of his life and fighting that battle, I did not need to get involved with someone who’d barely been dry half a year. Also, Jimmy was not a particularly nice guy the bulk of the time. A general lack of interest in, and consideration for, everyone else inhabiting the planet was his go-to setting.
But worst of all, the man was my boss.
I didn’t have feelings for him. I couldn’t, no way. I’d fallen for unsuitable, unstable, and outright criminal assholes in the past, but I was done with that. Especially the asshole and unstable portion. There’s no way I had feelings for him. I’d really grown as a person and shit, right?
I slumped against the nearest wall. “Fuck.”
I took a deep breath, focused on the funeral.
Things would get better.