Around me, dinner conversation went on. None of it fascinated me half as much as Jimmy. He was such a dichotomy of good and evil, beautiful and bad.
He’d ditched his black woolen jacket at the door, rolled up the sleeves of a vaguely patterned button-down shirt. My own style was more sedate consisting of ankle boots, skinny jeans, and a long knit top. When it came to throwing an outfit together, he had me beat. He shifted, leaning an elbow on the table. Such thick wrists, I’d never noticed before but his hands must be strong. When we’d fought over the cigarette packet, though, he’d been gentle. As gentle as you could be rolling around on the floor with someone. The memory of his weight on top of me filled my mind. Thank god there’d been no more smoking. He’d given me his word and stuck to it. A mishmash of tattoos covered his right arm. There was a star, a heart, flames, and words. I’d love to get closer and study them, really take my time over them. I took a sip of water, my dry throat needing relief. Higher up, the top two buttons of his shirt lay undone and a few fine dark chest hairs peeked out.
Nice.
The jerk also wore seriously thick-soled boots. Something made apparent to me when one descended upon my innocent unsuspecting toes.
I yelped.
“Anne’s talking to you, Lena,” he said.
Shit. I’d been staring at him again. His fault. If he’d sat beside, instead of across from me, it never would have happened. I tried to kick him back but my foot swung aimlessly, coming into contact with nothing but thin air. Screw him and his long legs.
“Jimmy, did you just kick her?” asked Ev, mouth pursed.
“No,” he lied.
Ev turned curious eyes to me as if I could be expected to tell the truth.
“That would be a petty and juvenile thing for him to do. But no, I just sat up a bit too fast,” I said. “Guess I got overexcited.”
“She does that sometimes,” Jimmy confirmed. “A real excitable girl is our Lena.”
I showed him my prettiest forced smile.
Down the other end of the table, Anne’s mom, the guest of honor, frowned good and hard. Good impression gone. And everyone had been trying so hard not to swear, let alone act crazy. Well everyone apart from psycho puppy Killer who had long since been banished to his crate for some quiet time. Ben was likewise in disgrace for having stirred him up in the first place. He, however, got to stay at the table. The dog should complain about the double standard. It was in all honesty wildly unfair.
Jimmy cleared his throat, loudly, summoning all of the table’s attention. “Don’t think I told you guys. Lena’s been talking about leaving.”
Boom! I’d been ambushed.
Whats, whys, and general sounds of displeasure filled the room. Far more than I’d ever anticipated. From the other side of the table, Jimmy gave me a smirk, followed by a well-what-the-fuck-did-you-expect look. I countered it with my you-asshole-that-was-an-unnecessary-and-shitty-thing-to-do-to-me gaze. It seemed we could communicate entirely without words.
Awesome.
“No-o-o,” said Mal from the head of the table. “C’mon, Lena. Why would you quit? You’re the only one that fit in with us and didn’t annoy the living shit out of Jim. You have no idea how rare a species that makes you.”
A sea of sad faces surrounded me. Well, apart from Anne’s mom, she just played with her food. Even Anne’s sister Lizzy seemed down at the news and we’d met twice, maybe? This level of attachment was as surprising as it was heartwarming.
Tears stung my eyes as loneliness sucker punched me. I hadn’t even realized I’d been lonely but the way these people cared caught me by surprise. They actually wanted me around.
“What the fuck did you do?” David bitched at his brother.
The smirk fell from Jimmy’s face.
“Nothing,” I said, my defensive mode instantly fully engaged on his behalf. “Jimmy didn’t do anything. I just thought it might be time to move on. I haven’t fully decided yet.”
Cue the intense staring competition between the brothers. Apparently, Jimmy won because David turned away first, brow heavily furrowed. Emotive brows obviously run in the Ferris family.
“What is it you do, Lena?” asked Anne’s mom. Jan, that was her name. She looked to be about fifty with faded strawberry blond hair.
“She’s my sobriety companion and assistant,” Jim said without hesitation. “She stops me drinking. Keeps me clean.”
People quieted, looked elsewhere. Jan’s mouth gaped like a goldfish but nothing was said. Given the few things I’d heard from Anne about her mom, Jan should be the last person judging anyone. She hadn’t exactly won parent of the year anytime in the last twenty.
Normally, we didn’t discuss Jimmy’s problems in mixed company, or much at all for that matter. The whole world knew every sordid detail so there was no real need. When he’d gone into rehab, news of his downfall had been everywhere, but apparently somehow Jan had missed it.
The silence stretched out and opposite me Jimmy tensed seeming to distance himself. Arctic eyes stared off into nothing. Perhaps people were embarrassed by his history, as if everyone else was flawless. He’d fallen further than most, true, but he’d crawled his way back up again, too. Strength came in many forms. I’d always assumed the subject of his addictions lay dormant due to his need for privacy. This silence, however, felt wrong, it rankled me.
Why the hell didn’t someone say something? Someone like me perhaps.
“I’ve enjoyed working for Jimmy.” I folded up my napkin, placed it on the table. “I still do. The issue is mine, not his.”
His gaze warmed slightly, his still face returning to life.
“What is the issue?” asked David.
“It’s personal. I’d rather not discuss it.”
“She needs to get a life is the problem.” Jimmy said, pushing back from the table, giving himself some space. “She needs to mix things up a bit. Being with me all the time isn’t necessarily the party you’d imagine.”
David half smiled.
“She’s bored?” Anne studied me from three seats down. “We can fix bored.”
And all of this gave me a very bad feeling. “Guys, this is a personal decision, not a group project. Thank you for caring, but—”
“No, pumpkin.” Mal studied me over the top of his glass of red wine. “I don’t think she’s bored so much as she needs a friend. A special friend, if you know what I mean.”
“I swear, that’s you guys’ answer to everything.” Ev laughed.
“Hey, now. Everyone needs someone special to fuck and cuddle. There is no shame in that,” said Mal, ignoring the startled little gasp from Anne’s mom. Anne didn’t seem concerned either, interestingly enough. “And Lena needs someone who isn’t Jimmy for obvious reasons.”
Down the table, David sat up in his seat. “Why not Jim?”
“Because she works for me?” Interjected my boss, tugging at the collar of his shirt. Seemed he didn’t like being the topic of conversation as much as he enjoyed throwing me to the wolves. Too bad, buddy.
“Davie, please.” Mal continued on as if Jimmy hadn’t spoken. “Stop and think about this. Everyone he sleeps with ends up hating him.”
“That’s not true,” said Jimmy.
“No? Name one woman you’ve banged that still talks to you.”
Time crept on, but Jimmy did not respond, and no one else came to his rescue either.
“My point exactly. You do no aftercare and it shows.” Mal turned back to David. “He doesn’t even have the common courtesy to pretend to be interested in hooking up again. Doesn’t take the phone number or anything. It’s just plain rude.”