I trudged down the stairs. A flickering light came from within the living room, shadows playing across the wall opposite. I’d abandoned Jimmy to a documentary on Phil Spector hours and hours ago. Mr. Spector might have been a musical genius but considering where he wound up, it was all a bit too macabre for my tastes. I’d bid the rock star goodnight.
Tigers were mutely roaring and roaming the golden savannah on the wide screen. Jimmy lay passed out on the couch, fast asleep. The lines of his beautiful face were no less determined and harsh in repose. Yet they seemed softer somehow without his piss and vinegar going on. His long dark lashes lay against his cheek and his lips were slightly apart. They looked so soft. A feeling, a sensation worked its way up from deep in my belly, spreading right through me until it tingled in my toes. It was all about him. It was hot and cold, forever and never all at once. It was physical, but it was also more, much more. I wanted to know him, every last little thing about him. And I wanted him to know me. I wanted to be a real part of his life, not just his employee. To be the person he confided even his darkest thoughts in, the person he trusted.
It was insane.
Ever notice how the world seems different in the wee small hours of the morning, when you’ve been awake too long? Surreal somehow and yet clearer, quieter so you can hear the whispered truth of things you couldn’t bring yourself to face in the light. My feelings for Jimmy weren’t fading. I was a fool to imagine they would, living in his house and breathing the same air as him. They weren’t leaving anytime soon.
And if they weren’t, then I had to.
I couldn’t take another broken heart. Especially not when I could see it coming a mile away as in the case of Jimmy Ferris. He needed me to be a helper and a friend, not a lovelorn little twerp making starry eyes at him. He already had those by the bucket load.
I drew a deep breath, let it go. If only it didn’t feel like I was being slowly cut open at the thought of leaving him. Overly gruesomely dramatic, but true. But it was just the like the old ripping off the Band-Aid analogy. Better a smallish pain now than heartbreak and ruin down the track.
Still, the next few weeks were going to be hard.
Afterward, once I had my replacement settled in, maybe I’d go sit on a beach somewhere and feel sorry for myself. Get out of the rain and into the sun for a while, order frothy drinks with little umbrellas and fruit in them. I could wait out my sister’s wedding and then sneak home while she was away on her honeymoon. Yes, I had a plan.
Jimmy’s feet were bundled together, arms pressed against his chest. Poor, baby. He must be cold. Not good after his time out in the rain this afternoon. I grabbed a couple of throws from the cabinet, chucked one at his feet and spread the other out wide. The fine woolen material drifted down to cover him from shoulder to toe.
“Better,” I whispered.
“Yeah,” he whispered back, opening one eye to look me over. “Cute jammies.”
“I’ll have you know that flannel teddy bear print jammies are on the cutting edge of fashion.” I sat down, slumping tiredly. “What are you doing here?”
“Fell asleep. You woke me stomping down the stairs.” He sat up in slow motion, rubbing at his head. His dark hair stuck out every which way. The television cast shadows across his face. “What time is it?”
“Just past two-thirty.”
“What are you doing up?”
I shrugged. “Couldn’t sleep. Sometimes I just can’t get my stupid head to turn off.”
A nod and a yawn. “Pretty sure we can find something better than a nature documentary to watch.”
“You don’t have to keep me company. It’s late. Or early,” I amended. “Go on up to bed, I’ll be fine.”
He picked up the spare blanket and tossed it into my lap. “Once I’m awake I don’t tend to get back to sleep so easy.”
“Sorry I woke you. Pass me the remote?”
He chuckled darkly. “Lena, Lena. Shame on you. I’m half awake, not crazy.”
“Boys and their toys.” I wrapped the blanket around me, settling in.
He just gave me a half smile with the faintest trace of dimple. Actually, it was more of a quarter grin with a dash of the devil. But he was getting better at smiling and that’s what counted. It was going to be one of the regrets of my life that I’d never got to see the full thing. I bet it was lethal in all the ways.
We didn’t talk much. It was nice just having the company.
The last thing I remembered was being spread out on my half of the big couch, watching some cool old black-and-white movie about gangsters in the ’40s. I woke up in my own bed the next morning, carefully tucked in. So carefully, it was a struggle to get my arms out at first from beneath the blankets. Jimmy had obviously carried me up and put me to bed. When I tried to thank him, he just ignored me and changed the subject.
Same old, same old.
CHAPTER FIVE
Three weeks later …
“Lena!”
My head shot up, the mug of coffee jumping in my hands. Hot liquid scalded my fingers, stinging. “Shit.”
Jimmy came pounding down the internal staircase. “Where are you?”
“In the kitchen.” I snatched up a tea towel, dabbing at my pink skin.
“What the fuck?” he roared, striding into the kitchen, dripping with sweat.
I sighed as only the long-suffering can do and rubbed at the coffee stains on my green Henley. “What the fuck, what, Jimmy?”
Another set of heavy-assed footfalls followed behind the man in question. Ben the bass player came into view. Picture a sexy lumberjack with musical abilities and you’ll pretty much have him down right. He was equally sweaty—fitting, considering they’d both just been for a run.
“Hey, Ben.” I waved a hand and the big guy gave me his usual chin tip. But wait, was that a smirk lingering on his lips? He leaned against the wall and crossed his arms, obviously settling in for something.
Whatever was going on here, I already didn’t like it.
Jimmy tossed his phone onto the kitchen counter in front of me. “Why the fuck do I have some …” He picked the cell back up again, squinting at the screen. “… Tom Moorecomb really looking forward to meeting with me about the new assistant position?”
My stomach fell. “Oh. That.”
“Yeah. That.”
“I’ve been waiting for the right time to tell you.”
Brows drawn tight, Jimmy braced his hands on the counter. “Let’s try now.”
“Well, I’ve decided to leave your lovely employ,” I said, holding my head high and speaking nice and clear in a friendly professional tone. Just liked I’d practiced over and over again in the shower, in bed, on the john. Pretty much anywhere and everywhere when I got a moment. No more excuses. “Not that I haven’t valued the time we’ve spent together, but I feel I’m ready to move on to new challenges. Tom is who I would suggest you hire as my replacement. He has a background in counseling, but is—”
“You’re quitting?”
It’d never been so hard to meet his eyes. “Yes, Jimmy. I am. It’s time.”
“You organized all this behind my back.” Not a question, a statement, and a very angry one at that. His usual cool gaze fell to well below sub-zero. It was pure luck I didn’t snap freeze on the spot.
Instead, I nodded, goose bumps breaking out all over my skin.
“When?”
“When did I organize it or when do I finish?”
He jerked his chin. I took it to mean ‘yes’ on both counts.
“The last couple of weeks, and in a couple of weeks,” I said. “Thought I’d spend a few days settling Tom in before I left, making sure everything was okay. Of course there were other candidates, it’s your choice whether or not you hire him.”
“Big of you.”
“But you will need to find someone to replace me.”
“When were you going to tell me, Lena?”
“Soon.”
He raised a brow.
“This weekend … sometime, I was going to give notice. I mean, definitely well before Tom arrived for his interview with you on Monday. You would probably want a chance to prepare, so …” I gave him my most charming smile. No matter what, never actually admit to flailing. “Monday morning at the very latest.”