A little more gas, and I felt the tires crunch the rocks underneath. I gripped the wheel so hard I was sure my hands would need to be pried off. The left front tire climbed over a bump, and I turned the wheel in that direction until I felt the right wheel join the other on the pavement.
I smiled, a combination between a laugh and a gasp pouring out of me, and as soon as I registered the rear tires climb onto the road, I twisted the wheel back to the right to make sure I stayed in my lane.
But then the car quickly fell off the road again, back onto the same rocks and grass I just drove away from, bouncing over the bump where the pavement ended.
“Oh, shit!” I turned the wheel left, taking us back onto the road. But I was afraid I would drive into the other lane and shot right again, both tires on the right side, falling off the side of the damn road again.
I can’t do this.
I shook my head, breathing hard as I tried to right myself. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry…”
“Shhh,” he soothed, his left hand resting on my hip. “We’ve got all the time in the world.”
My chin trembled, because I was embarrassed and frustrated, and I didn’t want to do this, because I would just make a fool out of myself. I was just going to fail! Why was he trying to embarrass me?
Tears pooled, the car slowed to a crawl, and I closed my eyes, breathing in and out to get my head straight again.
It’s okay. We’ve got all the time in the world.
We’ve got all the time in the world.
I blew out a long, slow breath.
It’s okay.
It’s okay.
He wasn’t rushing me. He wasn’t mocking me. He wasn’t hurrying me.
It was okay if I learned things a little slower. It was okay.
I sniffled, and even though he couldn’t see my face, he probably knew I was crying, but I stretched my fingers and gripped the wheel again.
“Okay,” I said.
He gave it some gas, and I pulled back onto the road, moving the steering wheel smaller this time, swerving the car side to side to find the edges of my lane, kind of like I do when I dance. Gauging the perimeter and counting time to feel for my mark.
The left tires ran over little bumps every few feet, and I realized they were reflectors in the middle of the road, so drivers could see their lanes at night.
That was my mark. How I could tell when I left my lane.
My shoulders relaxed just a little, and I sat up straighter. Okay.
I kept the wheel positioned in my lane, feeling when the right side would dip a little as it did right before it gave way to grass, and feeling the reflectors on the left, keeping me from veering into the opposing lane. My wheel wasn’t always straight, but we were going slow enough I could tell when the road curved just slightly in order to stay between my markers.
“You did it,” he whispered.
I broke out in a smile, my eyes still wet, but feeling a lot better than I did a few minutes ago. He didn’t teach me, either. He didn’t tell me about the reflectors or how to move the wheel or anything. He just waited for me to learn it on my own. It was a nice change and took the pressure off. It was nice not to feel hurried.
“We’re gonna go faster,” he told me.
Faster? And there went the relaxation and confidence I’d just been basking in.
“I’ll let you know which way to move the wheel, okay?”
“Okay,” I replied. It made sense. We’d be going faster, so I’d have less time to correct myself.
His legs moved under me, he shifted gears, and the car picked up pace, making my body jerk against him. Instinctively, I gripped the wheel harder and didn’t blink for a second as I tried to concentrate.
The engine roared, and I could feel the acceleration vibrate under my thighs as we barreled into the night where anything could come out at me too fast for two minds to react in sync. An animal, another car, a person… Jesus. Too fast. Too fast. The car rumbled under my feet, making my heart leap in my chest.
“The wheel is at noon,” he said. “When I say ‘go’, slowly and softly veer to the left, to about ten o’clock.”
I couldn’t swallow or speak, so I just nodded, curling my toes in fear. Shit.
“Go,” he said.
As he instructed, I gently turned the wheel a few inches, feeling the tires run over the reflectors, but instead of swerving in the other direction to correct myself, I found them with the very edge of my left tires and stayed on them. It would probably freak out oncoming traffic with my hugging the middle of the road like this, but I was able to manage the curves of the road all by myself.
“Okay, it’s gonna curve right in—”
“Shh,” I snapped, shutting him up.
I needed to listen.
And then, as he warned, the reflectors twisted right, and I needed to correct the wheel to follow it, surprisingly not going off the road like I half-expected.
“Jesus Christ,” he laughed, sounding impressed. “Okay, I’ll just take a nap. You have fun.”
“Don’t you dare!” I scolded.
We’d eventually come to an intersection, a street light, or a pedestrian. Plus, he worked the gas.
“Can we go faster?” I asked.
I’d been tensing and concentrating so hard, I wanted to be thrilled.
He shifted and accelerated, and if my count was right, we were in fourth or fifth gear.
“It’s pretty straight for the next couple of minutes,” he told me. “You want some music?”
I thought about it, realizing I could feel us running over the reflectors, and I didn’t necessarily need to hear them.
“Okay.”
He turned on his stereo, “Go to Hell” playing, and I relaxed back into him, my heart beating hard with the speed but still studying every little bump underneath us to keep us on the road.
An engine started to rumble from farther off, and the ground under me shook a little harder. What was that?
I turned my head to check with him, but all of a sudden, the wind whipped past us and a loud horn blared as a truck, I thought, zoomed right past us.
I gasped, feeling the car shake with the draft, and my hands shook on the wheel, feeling the reflectors underneath the right tires again. “Holy shit!”
I laughed, and I felt his body shake with his own laughter behind me.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I barked but smiled. “We could’ve died!”
“Fun, huh?”
Asshole jerk.
And yes, it was fun.
“Ready for more?” he taunted.
“Yes.” I bit my bottom lip, butterflies still swarming my stomach, but I couldn’t stop.
“In a minute, you’re going to jerk the wheel to nine-o’clock,” he explained. “I’m not going to slow down.”
“What?”
“In three…two…”
“Wait, you said I had ‘a minute’!” I yelped.
“One!” he shouted in my ear. “Go!”
“Fuck…” I cried out, jerking the wheel left to nine o’clock and gasping. “You!”
The car skidded, bouncing and barreling over the pavement and onto a gravel road, and I felt his hand cover the top of my head as our bodies were thrown side to side, my skull damn near hitting the roof.
“Oh, my God, oh, my God…”
He down shifted. “Straighten out,” he told me.
I did, breathing faster than a bullet as he shifted again and sped up, both of us charging into the night, down an unlit gravel road, to whatever tree we were going to wrap this car around.
But holy shit. Everything on me was warm. Hot. My blood raced, and my arms felt strong enough to make me fly.
I turned up the music, found the window buttons on the door, and rolled down the window, the much-needed cool air whipping through my hair as the music pounded.
I turned my head toward him, his breath on the corner of my mouth. “Can we go faster?”
He didn’t say anything. He didn’t budge other than to press the clutch, shift gears, and punch the gas.
We charged down the road, and I was having so much fun now. But I wasn’t the one who was losing control. My pulse and breathing had calmed. His, on the other hand…
I felt his chest rise and fall against my back as his breath hit my cheek, shallow and labored.
I curled my lips in a little smile. My turn.
“Tell me when,” I said.
“When what?”
“I want to turn again.”
I felt his head shake side to side. “We’re going too fast for that now, Little Devil.”
I held onto the wheel and lifted up my foot, putting it on top of his and pressing it into the pedal, so he didn’t let off the gas. “Please?”